Still missing you

I am not sure how people completely get over a loss or if it is even possible. Even on the best days when you are feeling great you are still feeling sad. Even in moments when your heart is light it only takes a moment before it is heavy again. Going and making the best of life of course is the best route, but no road easily traveled is worth it, although I am not sure what all this hardship is leading up to. But in the end I hope I am learning and becoming a better person, a person he would be proud of. I'm trying, learning, making mistakes and living. I am still heartbroken, but still breathing. I miss more you than I can imagine, putting it into words helps. So here is to you, I hate that inspiration had come to me in this form, but it is what it is.
*
Toothpick in your mouth
Guitar in your hand
Just some of the ways I remember
That very special man

Sun shining on the hiking trail
A boat out on the lake
Life can be stolen and hearts can be broken
But my memories you cannot take

I loved you like you were my sunshine
And my chocolate ice cream cone
I will keep you with me always
Our hearts are now your home

I had thought I had never felt true love
But it was here all along
This family love that flows so true
It has taught me to be strong

I love the life you gave to all of us
And living it is the greatest gift
Thinking of you I will always smile
My heart and soul you can lift

I will feel you when the breeze blows
And see your eyes in the waters blue
No need to cry these tears no more
Because forever with me I will keep you
*

Rip, love you always and forever
The Hopeless Romantic

Shake Your Tailfeather

In the animal world animals have certain ways of showing each other they are interested. Sniffing, puffing out the chest, showing their feathers. Are we really that different. When we get all dolled up for a night on the town are we not trying in some way to attract the opposite sex? An article I seen showed a man's face in both a feminine and masculine light asking which one you are attracted to more. If you were feeling more so towards one or the other it goes back to the cave days when women were attracted to males who seems fit, which would mean a good provider for offspring and survival. Another article said men are more attracted to the hourglass figure because subconsciously it the impression of a fertile female. Perhaps even as women we, not even knowing, are more attracted and more prone to primp ourselves during different times of our cycle because our cave woman instinct is urging us to give off mating calls in the form of high heels and cute tops. You perhaps can even feel more confident which is a factor that people can't help but be attracted too.
So whether we are in the animal kingdom or our world I think we all that instinct and primal urges because it's in us as basic survival, although it is not necessary or always relevant anymore. But when it comes down to it, you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals.

Oh what can it mean? To a Daydream Believer & a Homecoming Queen

As mentioned in a previous blog love is in the air, being spring in all. New things blooming and coming to life I think this has left me craving for new beginnings. For the first time in a long time despite most of March I feel like my good Karma is kicking in! Thank you, I've been expecting you! Life feels wonderful. So great, the only things that perhaps could make it better is love.
It's strange isn't it? Sometimes when the chance is yours the risk doesn't really seem worth while. But when you feel: alright, I could be with someone as this point, someone is nowhere to be found. Since love is in the air, and I have not found anyone to share some loving with I have daydreamed a little. With everything going so well I have been longing to write, dying to rhyme. So I imagined some poems up. Not about anyone special, just taken little things and exaggerated! Remember: *hyperbole: exaggeration for effect. So here are my exaggerated feelings on someone I have not met.

*
Silly Hair
I am not sure I like him
But I love the way he moves
I don’t really care for him
But I dig the things I see him do

I dig his eyes and his silly hair
But like I said I don’t really care
I dig this boy, perhaps it’s a small crush
But to admit such a thing would be too much of a rush

My mind wanders to the one I don’t like
Such a distraction I try to fight
Because of course I do not care
About the boy with the silly hair

When arms and embraces feel like bars
Going beyond not caring is going too far
Even simple thoughts of him can drive me wild
And the simple sight of him can make me smile

So perhaps I am not sure if I like him or not
Not sure that I do not care
Not even sure I really want to know
How I feel about the boy with the silly hair
*
The One Back Then

Oh the one that got away
Yet in my heart he seems to stay
How I miss the one I loved back then
My mind travels back time and time again

I may sometimes forget his face
But my heart remembers the beat
My skin can tell you about his touch
And blood can tell you about the heat

I hate that maybe he loves her now
I am sure I could be better somehow
Make him smile, make him sing
I send my song with the wind

I see the stars in the velvet sky
They twinkle bright like the gleam once in his eyes
Although I miss the one back then
I’ll just keep him in my heart and remember when
*
Until I meet someone or dream up something better,
The Hopeless Romantic

This one goes out to the one I love

*
Great Love
Lost for words, just trying not feel
To ensure this heart will fully heal

Only a great love could cause such a break
A loss so great that with it my breath it takes

A loss that cast a dark shadow on my world
Unsteady ground beneath, life feels so cruel

This heart may have cracked before, but never shattered so
Some shards I cannot find and I know it shows

But a great love from a great man surely carries on
I feel his great love and a love for life I long

I’ll carry his great love with me all of my days
Living and loving strong, not a lesson I will waste

As this heart heals, it fills with his great love
Ensuring his presence here on earth until we catch up again above
*

What is love?

A couple years ago I was in a communications course, which was basically just writing. We usually got to pick our own topics, and me being me chose to write about love. I just found the essay when I was cleaning and thought it might be an interesting post, my view of love haven't changed much in the last 4 years. That's the one thing that is constant with me I think. So here is it.

What is love?

According to the dictionary love is, “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude towards a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.” Hmm, that does not sound familiar. Like the Black Eyed Peas said, “Where is the love?” Today love seems like something short of impossible. Whatever happened to romance? Is love at first sight dead? Love today seems so lost, is that the love should really be? Many people have said many great things about love; perhaps their words can show us the true meaning of love.
As young girls, many of us cannot wait to gaze into the eyes of the man of our dreams and instantly fall in love. Is that not the way it is suppose to be? “Who has ever loved that loved not at first sight?” (Christopher Marlowe) Who has? Can you imagine meeting someone and telling your best friend that you are in love with that person? They would tell you that you are crazy, and that you do not even know that person. Do we have to travel back to the days of Shakespeare and Marlowe in order for love at first sight to be appropriate? Perhaps falling in love was so easy back then because they died so young and had nothing to lose. However, it would be nice to look at someone and it felt like,
“This was love at first sight, love everlasting: a feeling unknown, unhoped for, unexpected – in so far as it could be a matter of conscious awareness, it took enter possession of him, and he understood, with joyous amazement that this was life.” (Thomas Mann)
Perhaps being a hopeless romantic in a time where is seems we have nothing but a cynical attitude towards love is pointless. It would be fabulous to shout out “You call it madness, but I call it love!” (Don Byas) But then again, a thousand people would look at you as if you were crazy. Is a person not allowed to be crazy in love in this society?
When it comes to love today, it feels like a war. Even if you find it, it seems you are eventually going to lose it. “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”(Lord Tennyson) That could be true, everyone says that you learn from lost love, that you have experienced it and it makes you a better person. Nevertheless, would you not be a better person if you had never dated the loser in the first place? Did Lord Tennyson have a lost love ever hook up with one of his loved ones? Charles Caleb Colton said “Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship – never.” Does your circle of friends include your past lovers? Or the bigger question, did you actually share love? Perhaps people just throw the term around too loosely, not meaning love, but lust. Still, people fall for it, and people get hurt. It seems our society has given up on love, obviously not everyone, there are those lucky few, but then again so many people get divorced. It also seems like people care more about sex than making love. Everyone today is out to get what they want and not what they need, after all love and belonging is a basic human need according to Maslow. However, in our society it seems like “true love is like ghosts, which everybody talks about, and few have seen.” (La Rouchfoucauld)
If our view of love is so wrong, what should it be like? Perhaps like this, “I am looking for love. Real love, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-love-without-each-other love.” (Carrie Bradshaw, Sex & the City) But where can someone find that kind of love? Perhaps we are not looking hard enough. Maybe when you stop looking love will find you. That is a nice thought. Aristotle had said, “Love is composed of a single soul inhibiting two bodies.” Perhaps on those nights when we feel lonely it is because we are longing for the other half of our soul, the other person who makes us complete. How do we know when we will find the piece that completes our puzzle? “We believe our first love is our last, and our last love is our first.” (Anonymous) Perhaps all people who are against love are people who have not found their last love. Maybe all the first and second loves and so on who ripped out your heart, or turned out to be nothing like what you imagined, were just practice for the real thing. In which case maybe the good old word of God is right,
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.... It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (Corinthians 13: 4-8)
Perhaps our last love will be all of the above.
Regardless of what love is, or what we think it should be in comes in many forms and faces. Maybe we will find it where we least expect it, or maybe it will find us. But what is most important is “don’t forget to love yourself.” (Soren Kierkegaard) If you do not love yourself how can you expect someone else to? If you believe in yourself, you can do anything, so we are told, so why not believe in love? Give it a chance and maybe it will give something back, something “ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming.” (Carrie Bradshaw) After all, “love never fails.” (Corinthians 13: 8)

Furious Love

I am currently reading a book called Changing Heaven by Jane Urquehart (turns out she was born in Geradlton, I love that fact). It had different characters from different time periods, and discusses their relationship with the wind, the weather, classic novels and paintings. One of the characters happens to be Emily Bronte, she is a ghost who dwells in the Moors of her past, and a lighter-than-air balloonist who falls to her death and they simply stay in limbo discussing their past lives, dreams and ideas. In one scene, the Balloonist Arianna learns Emily lived her life single and asks that surely she has not lived her life without experiencing love to which Emily responds:
“The trouble with falling in love is that it is really born of a perverse desire to invent the plot of your own life story, to make it episodic. Life should be plot-less – none of this and-the-he, and then-he nonsense. Besides, being in love is really being in a state of rage; it is furious. It is an extended tantrum.”
Of course, I think love is something sweet and wonderful, but I see what she is talking about, when you want love so bad and put your feelings in the wrong places. You are trying to make your life important by having love. Perhaps this person is not the one you should plan your life plot around. Maybe plot is not the right word and she is right when she says life should be plot-less, in the sense that we should not plan our whole lives around one person, one idea of love. That it should just happen and let our lives unfold, as it will. Of course, maybe she had never experienced love in the sense where the person consumes you. Not because you allow them to but because thinking of them pleases you, and being with them is the way you want to spend your time. When you think of them, and be with them you are truly happy. But I think that when you have that person that your life should also feel complete when you are not with them, you can have a night or weekend away and still know that things are the same. Of course as a writer or artists, in general love is easier to portray as a tortured love. Well maybe not easier but more fascinating to their admirers, and having never experienced true love she prefers to talk of tortured love like that in Wuthering Heights. Of course, this is just an author’s opinion on what Emily Bronte might say and my opinion on that fictional passage. Until next time,
The Hopeless Romantic xox

Writer's Block

I know! It's the devil. I apoligize for being a terrible Romantic, however I was successful with in giving up of being boy-crazy for lent! My minor bout of depression helped, lol. However it probably didn't help my romance blog, but I am working on it, I have a notepad and pen on me at all times, and I've branched out to differnt books and music, I can feel inspiration peeking out. Like spring, I suspect the sunshine will brighten my perspective and shine some light on what was a dark heart for a while. I've definitely learned the world keeps on turning and life goes on, the trick is to move with it, roll with the punches and go with the flow. Things were pretty crappy for the first half of march, but then they got really great, now I just need to take life's lemons and make the proverbial lemonade. Everyone always says love is in the air when spring comes around, so we'll see :) I'll be as optimistic as I can in the big city of Nipigon. As I said, inspiration is on the way, love is in the air and I am armed with my writing supplies, so until then.. The Hopeless Romantic xox