In the long run, isn't it all just small stuff. I remember in high school, or even growing up, whenever I would get really upset about something (which !surprise! was a lot) my mom would always tell me, "Tatum, this is such a small part of your life". Of course I never believed her, and was sure my world was crashing around me. But, as you grow and learn things, I found one of them is that your Mother is always right. She really is so wise is her no-nonense kind of way.
So this past week and a half, I wallowed, I was sad, like the melodramic person I am. And there a few instances where I felt like I wanted to be petty, pull the hell hath no fury like a woman scorned kinda deal. But I took a deep breath, I gardened, I ran, I had wine with my mama. One night while taking pictures by the river I thought, "Why do I even care?". And then I felt relived. I was suprised initially at how painful something like this was, I think I forgot, even though it feels like that is what I am always trying to make sure doesn't happen. But then I was surprised at how easy it was to let go. Feeling it slip away was a relief. "You have five minutes to wallow in the delcious misery. Enjoy it, embrace it, discard it. And proceed."
I may feel a little foolish for asking what I wanted and it not happening, but then I feel proud of myself for taking that leap in the first place. I knew it most likely wouldn't happen, but I tried, I went after what I wanted and I lost. It's time to learn to lose gracefully. I think I finally am finding my grace, hopefully this is something I can acquire, I think my mom would be very happy.
And after this I can't forget what I am really after, being the best me that I can.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
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