Some women are lost in the fire, others are born from it

Never have I thought less of myself because I do it on my own, I am not searching for another half because I am not half, why settle after waiting this long. Never have I needed more to prove I am somebody, I am not going to live beyond my means to feel I am doing well. Never have I resented the weight I gained in my battle against mental illness because I am still beautiful, and I am happy. I have always had my own back, but I reach behind me to find all those I love and I know I am blessed. Never has someone made me feel like less, and they are not going to now.

Feliz Navidad

Merry Christmas from my Black Little Tribe xo Gypsy, Archer & I

Rest Easy Old Boy

RIP my other Brother

Miss the Magic of the Good Ol Days

Not quite 30, but already fabulous

Cheers to all those beautiful souls who showered me with love, wine and friendship! Was truly surprised!!

20 days until 30

The love is already out pouring, thanks to my amazing family and friends. The sun is shining today and I can feel the warmth that has filled that cold hollow existence that is always trying to creep in. 30 is a big deal to some people, but for me it feels like another adventure awaiting. I always liked not having a concrete life plan because you never know where you are going to go. With the ebbs and flows of my highs and lows, life has been unpredictable and bittersweet. Yet here I am, a tired soul with a warrior heart, and a long road still ahead.

On my way to 30 here are some things I have noticed along the way....

1. I can't see - glasses have finally become a part of my every day, so of course I needed 7 to accessorize
2. The past week there have been bags under my eyes that won't go away, I thought it was Halloween makeup the first two days, yet here we are and so are they (no grey hairs yet thankfully!)
3. I no longer want to dance every weekend - special occasions are enough
4. My travel bug finally kicked in - which some what taught me how to save money

Other than that all feels the same, I have no regrets thus far.

Almost 30

So there comes a time in a women's life where her 20's are coming to an end.... which apparently equals moving into an unsafe age gap for taking birth control. Taking in other medical factors I came to the decision to stop taking it. After 15 years of not giving this little pill any thought, here is what I noticed about me and my body in the months since.

1. I feel feminine AF, and I must say I like it
2. I like pink
3. My hair is thicker
4. My skin is less dry
5. I want to cuddle and be affectionate (blasphemy, I know)
6. I have a renewed sense of giddiness that fizzled out in my pre teens
7. When I ovulate I totally ogle men and vividly fantasize, I can actually feel the attraction

Overall I feel much more girly, like my 15 year old self again, but no longer a small cheasted, short haired virgin. This can turn out really good, or really bad... but I'm not sure I care. I've been looking for more excitement, I need to stop questioning every move and just go with the flow.

Winter is coming

Winter is coming, I can feel it in my bones. Numbness and sadness creep in with the snow, and I feel a slight panic wash over me, for I know what the struggle ahead holds. I don't want another winter to pass me by in hibernation, only to awake in the spring groggy and dazed. I want to get ahead of the curve and be proactive about my happiness.

I am not going to say I'm going to do million things, but small little things that bring me joy and contentment. Getting up early for a fresh coffee, dressing for success, enjoying the outdoors even in winter, and exploring passions beyond my career so I don't burn out. I want to become an expert at practicing self care, as this journey ahead will be long, and better I learn how to take care of this heavy heart so I can conquer the dark.

The journey is always changing, but adapting is keeping my on my toes. I have found good companions and more adventures, may to road ahead be well lit.

When all your Halloween dreams come true, I can die Happy

 

Week 34 - The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Having way too much fun making Memes - #Week34 

Because you have to laugh....

One of the hardest things with my depression was coming to the realization that it is chronic and persistent. It's not because of the season, or something that happened, but just the way my brain works. Humor has been such an elevating ally, because sometimes you just have to laugh. So here is the lighter side of depression.

1. I've saved money on beauty products because most of the time I just don't give a shit
2. But when I do.... #dayum
3. I save money on groceries because I am too lazy to cook most days
4. When my medication made me gain weight I got funnier, because I could no longer rely on my looks
5. When my medication made me tired and unmotivated, I caught up on all my shows
6. I appreciate the good times because I am so used to feeling shitty
7. Thank goodness the messy bun is in style
8. I always get a good night sleep
9. I am an amazing napper
10. Getting through a hard time most of the time = strength & resilience

Sunday Secrets: I don't need saving, I need a sword

Week 32 & 33

Wildfire in the Sky

Week 31

While I was sleeping....

It was easy to focus on what was weighing me down as it was in the fore front of my mind the last few years, but a lot of great things happened too!

1. I finished school and graduated on the Presidents honor roll
2. Got my dream job with two promotions since!
3. Started a Girl Guide Unit in our hometown for the first time in over a decade
4. Wrote more, took more pictures
5. Learned I could love again (and having a lot of fun along the way)
6. Got back to nature (the benefits on my soul are amazing)
7. Raising an amazing puppy that makes me so happy

With sadness being the main topic of my life in the past, I am hoping to be writing about a lot more now that I am moving forward and finding all the new and old paths, and that passion for my interests. Stay tuned.

Week 29 & 30

29

30

We're just livin' between the sheets

Weeks 26-28 Goodbye Summer

week 26

Week 27

Week 28

Archer Winchester

The only guy I'll loose sleep over... lol

Oh hey Happiness

Happiness

I found you in sun basked days

In the waters of the Great Lakes

Under the Big Dipper

Where the water meets the shores

Where the mountains meet the sky

In the pages of a book

Behind the lens of my camera

In the arms of my family 

In the hearts of my friends 

And the laughter of children

Happiness

I found you in me

Week 24 & 25

Week 23

Archer

My new main man *heart eyes*

Summertime & the livin' is easy

More often than not, you can find me where the water meets to land....

Week 22

Poems to Photos

I am switching up my poem a week to a photo project a week, editing an original photo of my own.

Week 19

Week 20

Week 21

Sunday Secrets

Summertime Adventures