Hopelessly Slacking

Last published post: May 10th. I sure am slacking here. It's been so long, and still I am drawing a blank. I was looking at my journal the other day, the newest one I started about a year ago I was shocked to see how little pages I have gone through. Although everything I write on here, I would have normally put on paper, but even on here I am lacking. And as much as I have written I have not written a poem in a very long time! I need to get my muse back, whatever that may be.
Although I have been slacking at writing, everything is going pretty good. School, healthy choices, my tan :p But that is not an excuse. I am going to make more of an effort to get some inspiration and get typing, writing, or at least get some inspiration.
Until Then,
The Hopeless Romantic

Spring Fever

I don't know what it is, but I just feel like everything is going right. I've found so many things lately that I love. Being daring when I cook, starting a garden, finding things on the other side of the camera. Just really doing things that make me happy. Because even though I do hope to make someone else happy one day, I'm not going to sit around and be boring until then. It's like all of a sudden I am ready for anything. I just want to keep going, take big steps through life after wandering around all this time. I find that all that wandering gave me skills from here and there, and knowledge from everything I have done to prepare me to get my ass in gear (See, not all who wander are lost!). This is my life and no one is going to live it as good as I can. Don't get me wrong, I plan on being Young, Wild & Free forever, but I really do feel like a part of me is growing up - growing anyways. I can't wait to see where this direction is taking me, I feel like I had endured the lull I did so I would be ready. Not sure what I am ready for, but I have a gut feeling this is it. Maybe I am not so hopeless anymore, just a hopeful :)

Leap of Faith

I really do feel this way right now! I feel like so much is happening and going on. I feel like everything in life is about to get better. I always remember being young, and thinking I was really going to be someone, somewhere big, doing big things. Then not too long ago I woke up and found my everyday boring, repetitive. So I started looking for hints of that inspiration that used to feel like it pumped though my veins. There are so many things I want to take on, and for once things that make ME happy. I hope I can do it all and not burn out half way through. But I guess that is what taking a leap of faith is all about. I suppose the worst thing that could happen is it does not work out. And that is much better than never doing anything at all.

Funny how a melody sounds like a memory, like a soundtrack to a July night (l)

Ever hear a song and know you could have written it yourself?





Springsteen - Eric Church


To this day when I hear that song
I see you standin' there on that lawn
Discount shades, store bought tan
Flip flops and cut-off jeans

Somewhere between that setting sun
I'm on fire and born to run
You looked at me and I was done
And we're, we're just getting started

I was singin' to you, you were singin' to me
I was so alive, never been more free
Fired up my daddy's lighter and we sang
Ooohh

Stayed there 'til they forced us out
And took the long way to your house
I can still hear the sound of you sayin' don't go

When I think about you, I think about 17
I think about my old jeep
I think about the stars in the sky
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory
Like the soundtrack to a July Saturday night
Springsteen

I bumped into you by happenstance
You probably wouldn't even know who I am
But if I whispered your name 
I bet there'd still be a spark

Back when I was gasoline 
And this old tattoo had brand new ink
And we didn't care what your mom would think
About your name on my arm

Baby is it spring or is it summer
The guitar sound or the beat of that drummer
You hear sometimes late at night 
On your radio

Even though you're a million miles away
When you hear Born in the USA
You relive those glory days
So long ago

When you think about me, do you think about 17
Do you think about my old jeep
Think about the stars in the sky
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory
Like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night
Springsteen
Springsteen

Woah-oh-oh-oh

Funny how a melody sounds like a memory
Like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night
Springsteen
Springsteen
Woah Springsteen

Woah-oh-oh-oo

Although I have not been writing, I have sure been thinking. I have all these ideas jotted down, inspired from here and from there, I just needed a chance to sit down and stitch them together.

Sometimes thinking back can be a funny thing. Thinking back on what we remember, or what we choose to remember. It seems that when I am letting someone in, I tend to ignore all the cons of someone. But in the end it is these things that we seem to remember the most, probably because it was what we were left hurt by.

But let’s not forget, that in the first place we ignored these because we paid attention to the pros. Or at least what we liked about them. What we were drawn to. I’ve never really thought back to the beginning because the end is the first thing that pops into my mind so I dismiss the idea to quickly to remember the good. Or at least the good you left with from that person.

There is the reason I love classic rock, and a well-made sandwich. There is my keen ability to now spot a douche-bag. The reason I know good guys really do exist, and the reason I know bad ones do too. I have learned that good things might not always work out, but once it a while it will. You have to keep trying so you don’t miss your moment.

“There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.” Of course we will remember the bad, it happened. And it feels so bad because you once cared about that person. But the bad means it didn’t work out, so take what good you got and move on in time to what is to come. Each person will leave what they will on us, metaphorical marks. And you just have to let them heal. Don’t rush it, with time it won’t feel so bad. You will just be left the reminder of how to make something better the next time. The next love, whatever it comes as, will be a different love.

Sometimes you have to “settle for living in misery because we are afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins, ruin is a gift, ruin is the road to transformation. “ To have your heart broken means that you have tried for something, and broken means that you have the chance to put things back together however you choose.
If that isn't Hopeless...

If I would have to describe myself sometimes, I would respond with “It’s messy and it’s me.” Some people may disagree if they base it on the fact that I am clean, and organized/borderline neat freak. But when I say that, I am referring to my emotional retardation :p lol. Maybe that’s why the rest of my life is so organized and neat, because it is the part of my life that I can control. Controlling the way I feel sometimes would be as easy as controlling the weather. Sometimes all you can do it put on rain boots and hope you don’t get too wet. After all, when the rain is all gone, you are left with green grass and new things beginning to grow.
Sometimes it seems that I have a blind, senseless, bottomless trust. Sometimes this trait (or flaw, depending on how you look at it) leaves me sad. Sometime it leaves me ecstatically happy, and then sad again. But I guess that’s who I am, and regardless of the results I do believe possessing this trait makes me a good person. And why would I want to change that right?
I have been thinking about that a lot lately. What is it that makes me “me”? Is it the fact that I am a hopeless romantic? Or is it my love of painted nails, wine and fun? Then there is my serious grown-up side that only exists Monday-Friday, 9-5. There are my amazing friends, and not so amazing ones. There are my insecurities, my love of dancing, and my eternal child that I cannot suppress. Then there are my faults, which if I look I know are many. None of this bothers me, most of the time. But when it comes to the business of growing up, the business of finding someone and falling in love, I cannot help but wonder about me, and how all of these things that make me “me” and what that means about what is to come.
I am excited about the future. I cannot wait to see what finds me, and I secretly hope that all patience and the things that I have endured mean there is something extra special. I need something extra special. Because, although I feel ready to settle down sometimes, there is no chance I will just settle. And believing I deserve that is something new for me, and something that makes “me” great. It took a lot to get to that place, and there is still so much room to grow. I’m sure I have said this before but “Life is a journey, not a destination” and everything along the way is part of the journey, needed so we can arrive at the destination we are meant for.