You know I didn't want too much. Just longed to be held once a while, smile more, have someone I enjoy talking to. And everyone always tells you it will happen when you least expect it, which I personally thought was bullshit, but there he was one hungover morning over coffee, and here I am smiling, holding on to every word and being held (kinda a big deal for me). Just what I wanted, right? Then my mind starts racing and my belly starts doing flip flops and I thought now what? For a moment I felt completely overwhelmed, and then the next moment my mind cleared and I thought, Who cares? It's a beautiful day with beautiful people, don't worry.. be happy ;) I managed to hold onto to those runaway thoughts and slow them down and enjoy the moment. Enjoy what I have while I have it, and if at some point I don't anymore then worry about it then.
I read somewhere that worry is a waste of imagination, and how true that is. Instead of thinking, What is the worst that can happen? I want to think, What is the best that can happen? I don't want to count, because I am afraid to jinx myself, but I feel I have been happy for more days in a row than I have in a long time. Without having to look for a reason I just am. But if in the days ahead I have to, I will look for a reason. Unlike the racing "what if" thoughts, happiness is something to hold onto. Seems some life lessons are finally sinking in.. Growing up? Nah, not yet.
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