I miss you so much it hurts today. The funeral comes and goes, the flowers are delivered and die, people comfort you, and then the world keeps turning. The hole I have burried myself into isn't stopping that, the world is going on and I am stopped dead in my tracks by a fleeting memory I didn't even know I had. Or the other day one of my favorite beatles songs came on ♫ Will you still need me, will you still feed me.. what I'm 64 ♪ The fact that you will never be 64 breaks my heart. I can't stand to go to your house and see your empty chair, it's too quiet without your seedy jokes. I didn't think it hit me that bad, I thought I had made it through ok, but I was just numb and when the sadness strikes I feel like it's ripping me in half. Loosing you has changed me, but they again you have always changed me. I have your humour and your strength, your kind heart and smile, I have so much of you in me that I know you always be a part of me, I suppose right now that doesn't seem like enough. I don't want a part of you, I want all of you. I want you at my wedding and I want you to hold my babies, and I want you across the living room from me as we watch law and order. I wonder when the tears will end, I made it a few days without any but then I started crying in my sleep, I ache for you even in my dreams.
I really miss you today.