I get by with a little help from my friends

What can you do with a sentimental heart?

anger

I remember studying the five stages of greif, memorizing them for a test, applying them to fictitional senarios. But when you are the one experiencing it you don't always realize you are moving through the stages. You really don't think about it at all, you are just trying to get by. But here I am, and I have stumbled onto anger. A really hateful anger, despairing anger. It's overwhelming, and it brings me to tears and I am so fucking mad. I just shake and sob and feel outraged. I feel robbed, and wronged and so sorry for myself. I feel ashamed of how angry I am and don't want to see anyone and that makes me feel guilty. I would rather just sleep and pretend things are not so bad, but sometimes I climb into bed and then just feel so alone, and I am angry everyone else has someone to share their grief with and mine just feels so heavy like it is going to crush me so I just sit awake and cry. This doesn't feel fair and it pisses me off, I am angry and just want to avoid everything, and I think I will.

The Mean Reds (1961)

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

Paul Varjak: Sure.

Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany's. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that'd make me feel like Tiffany's, then - then I'd buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

Free Fallin'