anger

I remember studying the five stages of greif, memorizing them for a test, applying them to fictitional senarios. But when you are the one experiencing it you don't always realize you are moving through the stages. You really don't think about it at all, you are just trying to get by. But here I am, and I have stumbled onto anger. A really hateful anger, despairing anger. It's overwhelming, and it brings me to tears and I am so fucking mad. I just shake and sob and feel outraged. I feel robbed, and wronged and so sorry for myself. I feel ashamed of how angry I am and don't want to see anyone and that makes me feel guilty. I would rather just sleep and pretend things are not so bad, but sometimes I climb into bed and then just feel so alone, and I am angry everyone else has someone to share their grief with and mine just feels so heavy like it is going to crush me so I just sit awake and cry. This doesn't feel fair and it pisses me off, I am angry and just want to avoid everything, and I think I will.