Sisu

Compliments of Pinterest and lazy Saturday mornings

Gone are the days I won't make it through
And the nights I cry myself to sleep
Time has slightly healed me somehow
The wounds no longer feel so deep

I can remember how you used to be
Before the times got hard
I remember your smile and hear your laugh
I try to spread that laugh near and far

Your kind heart lives on in us
You taught me how to care
Your generous spirit is still alive
I can still feel you here

I no longer stand at your grave and weep
Anchored to the grief
I carry you in my heart and my smile
I feel a soothing peace

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home

Laugh until we think we'll die,
Barefoot on a summer night
Never could be sweeter than with you <3 ♫

Before something even begins I think about where it could head, how it could end and how that would make me feel. I make a decision on whether or not it is worth it (usually no by this point) and go from there. What the hell kind of backwards thinking is that? I didn't even realize I was doing this. I have my guard up before there is anything to guard.

Although I find myself more happy and social, it isn't until I am standing a large place full of people that I feel like an imposter. I don't really want to be there, make small talk or stay out all night long. With my small group of friends I will laugh and enjoy myself all night long, baby steps I suppose.

However I cannot not take a chance because of how something might go, or how I might feel when I get there. Struggling doesn't mean you are failing, it means you are still trying.

I never asked, yet there you were

Everyone has those friends who they know will be there for them no matter what, come hell or high water.
But sometimes in life the people you find by your side is not who you expected, or even who you asked. Yet there they are, holding your hand, pouring your drink and not making a big deal about your tears. They are the people who can bring you tears, just by realizing how much they have come to mean to you. There is no fear of judgement because you have been through hell too, and I will gladly pull you back anytime like you have done for me.

I recently posted something that said "A friend is someone who knows the song in  your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."  I not only lost the words, I forgot who I was. Coming back into my own is like running into an old friend,  you are just so happy to have found them again. And I have a few to thank, you brought me back to life. I feel like I have woken from a deep slumber and am finally awake, and I am so thankful and glad when I look around me. Life is almost never what you expect, but most definitely what you make of it, and all of you have made it better.

Here We Go Again

Thank you February, You've been good to me