Before something even begins I think about where it could head, how it could end and how that would make me feel. I make a decision on whether or not it is worth it (usually no by this point) and go from there. What the hell kind of backwards thinking is that? I didn't even realize I was doing this. I have my guard up before there is anything to guard.

Although I find myself more happy and social, it isn't until I am standing a large place full of people that I feel like an imposter. I don't really want to be there, make small talk or stay out all night long. With my small group of friends I will laugh and enjoy myself all night long, baby steps I suppose.

However I cannot not take a chance because of how something might go, or how I might feel when I get there. Struggling doesn't mean you are failing, it means you are still trying.