Checking that phone...

I can hardly remember the last time I had a crush that made me feel giddy. I've been with people for convenience or lust, or because I thought it was the right thing to do. But to have that feeling for someone you have not been intimate with, but only daydream about, is an excitement I haven't felt in a long time. I have no idea where it could head, if anywhere at all, but it's good to feel so alive again, to be hoping and daydreaming.

I remember a few years back, being a situation because I thought it was the grown-up thing to do, try and domesticate myself. I also remember having a moment of realization I may not feel that giddy-ness again, and I certainly did not for the person I was with. The sad part is I was ready to accept that. Thankfully fate had other ideas, more life for me to live, and feelings to feel. Feelings that have my checking my phone every few minutes... gah, my thirty-year-old butt feels a little silly with this crush, silly and smiley.

Sun Soaked Days of Summer

Summer is winding down, but my sense of adventure is still restless. When I look back on the past two summers, I have done more to make myself happy in all the years previous. Besides when I was child and happiness was a given, and you were sun soaked from morning to night.  

I always used to think how not having someone else was what I was missing, but I have accomplished more on my own. More happiness, more laughter, found more of me. I could never have done that if I were not on my own for as long as I had been. Now I feel I have reached a place where I can let someone in and not waver in my self love and goals. Well at least I feel like I want to, there are a lot of chances I have not taken, and in the end it worked out, but right now I feel I am on the edge of something that if I don't persue I will regret it, regardless of the outcome. I'll chase it as I chase after the last sun soaked days of summer. 

I have seen no other, who compares to you..

Marvel

I was recently discussing some of my feelings around getting stuck in a rut, and how it is the most frustrating after feeling so good. A gentle reminder from a good friend eased my mind and nerves. I have come so far, when I think to even a year ago, I can see how to continuous effort pays off, even though I may need to decompress on my own once in awhile.

Thank you to my friends and family for respecting my space and understanding my stuggles, but thank you to myself.

Thank you for never giving up, thank you for always wanting more, thank you for remembering who you are under it all... full of love, and hope & magic. I know my faults, but I also know my strengths... and we all know how strong I am xo