Oh Shit

The timing is right for walking in the moonlight, I have suddenly found I am ready to settle down xo

When all the parts of the puzzle, start to feel like they fit xo

To say past experiences have jaded my once hopeless romantic attitude is an under statement. I used to believe that I would meet someone and I would just know, but as years passed I brushed it off as a silly notion. But perhaps it isn't. Something has stirred in me that I cannot shake off, it has all the energy of school girl excitement, yet an understanding that it is something real. Never have I not questioned the start of something new, doubted or worried. In the past I would have to convince myself someone was a good match for me, nothing felt sure, like waiting for the other shoe to drop. But here there are no shoes, it is barefoot and natural, it feels easy and right.

Suddenly it makes sense why no one else had worked out, no matter how hard I tried. Suddenly it doesn't matter who has broken my heart or left behind scars, it just beats so happily as if this is what it has been waiting for. If love at first sight isn't real, then love at first smile is. Love at first laugh, first kiss, first simple brush across your cheek. Love when you least expect it. When I think of all the big and small decisions that have led me here I can't help but think of fate, I finally found the inner happiness I have been longing for and outer happiness began to follow.

Embracing change and new challenges, saying yes when I would have said no, taking a chance even when it is scary...  I used to have the mindset of holding back in case I might get hurt, but at this point in time I feel like I cannot not go for it, regardless of how it will end. I have a gut feeling this is a chance I can not miss and faith that it will be worth it.

Holiday Hustle

This year I found myself working through the Holidays, which to my surprise I quite enjoyed. I made it home for the Holidays to visit, but was back at my desk and centres catching up and getting things done. I used to find such a long break during such a busy time of year is hard to come back from, but this year felt like a nice balance. I know in the future I will have time off to use and enjoy the holiday season a bit more, however in the past it was just a plain lay off from work which always made the New Year tight times. There is a little weight lifted off my shoulders and I feel sharp and ready to hit the ground running when we are back in full swing next week.

I see jokes and memes about 2019, and how it was the worst... how that couldn't be more different from my experience. For the first time I really feel like the New Year has many exciting opportunities, many of which are unknown. My day to day is still unknown compared to the daily, weekly, monthly routine I had been living. I surprise myself with the energy and interest to try new and different things, and develop new, healthy and productive habits. I don't think my passion for life was every fully snubbed out, but was a quiet, constant ember that needed to be fanned and nurtured into flames.

I've read every 7 years the cells in your body regenerate themselves, essentially making you a completely different person. Perhaps my 7 years bad luck has ended, I don't know where my cells are on that rotation, but something under the surface is stirring. May the results satisfy my anticipation.