Some dreams keep on better, gotta keep believing if you wanna know for sure ♫

I don't know if everyone know this, but I love country. This song is how I feel working on all the things I mentioned in my last post. And I have been working on it. Just saying it and putting my mind to it feels so good, I am excited to get things going.
I've been thinking about resolutions, and I never really make them, but this year I am. And I am making lots. I wanted to get them right, make sure they are things I really want and can do. I am writing this now so I ensure that I will in fact do it, I have do now, I just said I would. And I will have to achieve my goals once I admit to them and post them for anyone to see. I think that motivation there is enough to get me started. It will be interesting to find where the rest will come from. That is what I want to do this year. Look for motivation and inspiration all around me. Maybe that will be a theme this year. Enough with the romance ;)



"Even If It Breaks Your Heart"

Way back on the radio dial,
The fire got lit inside a bright-eyed child.
Every note just wrapped around his soul,
From steel guitars to Memphis, all the way to rock and roll.

Ohhh, I can hear 'em playin'.
I can hear the ringin' of a beat up ol' guitar.
Ohhh, I can hear 'em singin',
"Keep on dreamin', even if it breaks your heart."

Downtown is where I used to wander.
Old enough to get there but too young to get inside.
So I would stand out on the sidewalk,
Listen to the music playin' every Friday night.

Ohhh, I can hear 'em playin'.
I can hear the ringin' of a beat up ol' guitar.
Ohhh, I can hear 'em singin',
"Keep on dreamin', even if it breaks your heart."

Some dreams stay with you forever,
Drag you around but bring you back to where you were.
Some dreams keep on gettin' better,
Gotta keep believin' if you wanna know for sure.

Ohhh, I can hear 'em playin'.
I can hear the ringin' of a beat up ol' guitar.
Ohhh, I can hear 'em singin',
"Keep on dreamin', even if it breaks your heart."
[x2]

Keep on dreamin', even if it breaks your heart.

Keep on dreamin' 

Don't let it break your heart.

Sunday Secrets

Sabatoge

As I read back, I can plainly see what it is I want. I have thought it, wrote it, talked about it. But I sure as hell can't walk the walk. And I always have excuses and reasons, but all I really have is fear. I think I am afraid of being completely happy. Isn't that crazy? I was thinking yesterday, and I felt sad, and then I thought that sad was interesting. Sure some of the most moving pieces of art made by man were created out of pain and sadness. But I am no artist, and I have no reason to be sad, or sad and interesting.
And all the things I say I want in love, I've never actually acted that way in my adult life. I think I am ready for love and to be happy, but I can't even take a first step. I make jokes about not cuddling, or not caring, but it's really not that funny. And who would want to be with someone who is always pushing people away, or at least not letting them near what is actually important. What I really have to offer. I think I really am afraid of having my heart broken. I don't think I am brave enough or strong enough to really want it.
When I think back at all the chances I had, in everything I shake my head and feel ashamed. When I take away my excuses, and stories, and "adventures", I am really just a coward who never committed or finished anything. I take the easy road every time.
Every time the road has gotten rough I just turned about and kept on smooth sailing, kept being a coward. I kept making new dreams for the ones I kept giving up on. I feel like I've really given up on me. I'm not the daring, exciting person I thought I would end up as. But I want to be. I want to be so bad it hurts. I miss the dreams I had for myself. Life keeps passing by and I feel like I am a treadmill in a movie scene where the world keeps floating by but you are really in the same place.
I feel like this is the most honest I have ever been about myself, I feel like I am insulting myself. And it pisses me off, and it makes me so sad. But it's true. And I want to be better. Every day I want to be better than the day before. And eventually I want to be the person that I am proud of. I had big dreams for myself once, I deserve them.

Sorting

As I scroll down I can see that nothing lately has been my words, but sometimes when you are so busy and don't have the time to sit down and sort through everything, you find little things that express how you are feeling.
It's been up and down lately, but if you trudge through the snow you eventually get where you are going, it just may take a little longer. Patience is a virtue, and I can keep myself busy until I arrive at wherever it is I want to be.
Maybe I will sit down soon and do some sorting, figure out where I am heading next :)

Truth

Stormy Weather - Ella Fitzgerald

Happy Birthday Ella, Cheers to one Soulful Diva <3 p="p">

Sweet Pea, Apple of my eye

Sweet pea
Apple of my eye
Don't know when and I don't know why
You're the only reason I keep on coming home

Sweet pea
What's all this about
Don't get your way all you do is fuss and pout
You're the only reason I keep on coming home

I like the Rock of Gibraltar
I always seem to falter
And the words just get in the way
Oh I know I'm gonna crumble
I'm trying to stay humble
But I never think before I say

Sweet pea
Keeper of my soul
I know sometimes I'm out of control
You're the only reason I keep on coming
You're the only reason I keep on coming yeah
You're the only reason I keep on coming homeAw