Chronicles of the Hopeless Romantic

I thought that if I could write it all out, in plain sight for me to see then perhaps I can recognize the error of my ways. Perhaps next time this list will pop into my head and I will not be adding another negative entry to it. Although it mostly reads like a bad track record, though there were a few high points, a few keepers (which obviously I did not keep). But here it is, the Chronicles of the Hopeless Romantic.
1. Mr. Perfect – As in Mr. too perfect, at 15 he had our whole lives planned out, and it scared me so I bailed. As punishment I will probably never find someone as sweet, attentive and caring ever again.
2. The Cheater/Jerk/Soul-Crusher – Ok, so maybe I am giving him too much credit. Like myself he did have his high points (mostly high times though: p) I believe this is the reason I am scarred when it comes to love. Before this point I still had that innocence, the fresh feeling towards having new love. I still get it sometimes, but it is tainted by knowing the inevitable. I may have picked up some trust issues around here as well.
3. The one that got away – I have nothing bad to say here, he came along when I needed him, renewed my faith in love and let me experience the ultimate summer romance. Maybe if he had never come along when he did I wouldn’t BE such a hopeless romantic, but I will never be sorry for that.
4. **2 YR love-free period** I think this time off left me forgetting what a nice guy was really like
5. The one that secretly had a girlfriend – Well it wasn’t always a secret, but once I knew was when I started overlook faults to try and make myself happy. And here begins my downfall. After this as punishment I went on a vow of celibacy for 18 months. I wanted to wait for someone to mean something, someone special. Then came….
6. The Married One – “Separated” and getting a divorce, but of course all lies. *Also a cheater* Just so you know, old doesn’t mean wise, or good at really anything, like having fun. After being cheated on once again I wasn’t so sure waiting for someone special was such a good idea or worth it all. I had really thought I found something here, was completely blind, stupid and one of those girls everyone feels sorry for. After this begins looking for love in all the wrong places.
7. The Guitar Player – One of the good ones. Ideally my perfect guy, plays guitar, writes poems, sweet and funny, likes to cuddle and have a good time. Also likes moving, hard to keep a hold on someone who is always on the go. So I let go.
8. Mr. Nice Guy – Ultimately someone I should want after being so disappointed. Nice, great, would give you the shirt off his back. But I didn’t want it, I couldn’t find myself attracted to the one person who I should have been. Bad timing I guess.
9. Everyone Else – Then there is all the flirtations and flings and something’s that were really nothing. At some point I did fall for one of these no ones. (Maybe two) The ones I had pegged as “love em and leave em”. Of course this was a mistake leaving me feeling sillier than ever. I should have known better than to fall when no one has promised to catch me.

And there it is, I have been stupid in love, not quite in love and just stupid. I have been the stereo typical girl, tried to pull off loving like a man does, and have ended up still not sure what I want. I know I want someone, I know I want love, but perhaps this not knowing exactly what I want is why I have tried with all the wrong ones. I have no idea how to decide or to find what I want and need. After reviewing this list I think I am still as hopeless as ever. Oh well.