Realizing that I had to fight for my happiness seemed like an exhausting path, or maybe trying to pave the way again and again was what was tiring out my soul. But haven't I always been a fighter? When I look back it's very rare someone has done me wrong and gotten away with it. I am not saying I am proud of everything I have done, for I know I handled things with my heart and rage and not my head, I know once mad I can hurt people with my words more than anything else, I've had a poison tongue and used it because it would hurt the most. And many of those things I had to defend myself against left me bitter, less bright eyed and jaded. But I fought. I fought for love when I thought it was there so I can say at least I tried and eventually move on. I fought friends who have wronged me, this showed them that I am not a door mat and we are stronger for it. However I think I now know when not to fight for those things, when to let go of what it not meant for me, for the most part.
But there are still things I need to fight for, and there is no reason I shouldn't be able to. I have always been feisty and challenging, and of all the things I have lost along the way this isn't something I am going to. I am going to fight for a peaceful soul, a healthy mind, a smart and witty mind, to be kind and giving, and I am going to fight for my loving heart. I am not going to fight to be who I was, I am going to fight for who I am suppose to be. I have been finding more smiles, more laughs, and songs lately, words bring me joy now and not tears. I know that that can change, change is the only constant things in our lives, but I know I am full of piss and vinegar, and love and I'll be okay.
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