It's certainly easier to post pictures that capture bits of what I am feeling than actually facing the words that might come out if I sit down and write. It's easier to use avoidance than confront what is really going on. When it all first started happening I thought ok, I will deal with it and it will go away. But as the sadness comes back again and again it might be time to admit that this depression that plaques me it not just a one time thing, but something that I am going to have to fight over and over. Coming out of a wave of sadness and feeling the sunshine and happiness is wonderful, but feeling that wave drag you back down again is exhausting, realizing you have a long way to go until the sunshine again. It's frustating, and I am tired, but I know I won't drown. Sometimes I may let myself be pulled down, for in that moment I don't have the strength to hang on.
I now know big goals are not for me right now, because getting out of bed and getting dressed is sometimes all I can do. I woke up this morning with a smile and that's good enough for me today. I'll take the small moments as they come and try and create more when I can. I am not going to loose 50 pounds, write a book and have the best year of my life, I just pray it is better than the last. So I will make small goals, keep shuffling with these baby steps and take the small victories if they come. If they don't, well then I will try again another day.
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