Like your mama, the heart knows best

Looking back, I am not sure why I doubted what my heart already knew. Through sadness and rebuilding, my heart always knew what it really wanted, and to question myself on whether or not I knew when something was right was a waste of wondering. Between my heart and my gut, I know when something is right, and when something is wrong.

I have second guessed my feelings in the past and ended up sticking it out because I had found some comfort. If I have learned anything, it is to walk away when you know it is not quite right, not hope to find what you are looking for... eventually.

I remember this time last year, to finally have had that need of being held filled, and forgetting what that longing for it had felt like. But with that longing returning I more than ever want to make sure the next embrace is more than just a warm refuge. I need a warm heart and kind soul, an understanding and open mind. Plus sparks on top of that. That isn't too much to ask is it?

At one point the idea of finding someone seemed intimidating, and still sometimes is. But the idea of finding the one who will make all the longing and wondering disappear is really an exciting adventure, one that I will regret if I shy away from. So I need to learn to trust my heart and gut, let go when needed and follow my heart when something excites it.

Through all the rain and sadness, love is the one thing that has always kept the embers going, and as that glow warms, and drives the rain away I find more pieces of myself I have been looking for. May that fire burn strong in the months ahead.

The one thing....

https://youtu.be/b4Bj7Zb-YD4

Sunday Secrets

A big thanks to all the loves in my life who remind me who I am when I forget. there is always a special place in my heart for people like that.

Said I wouldn't do it, but I did it again

When it hurts this good, you gotta play it twice...

Now you're just somebody that I used to know....

Sometimes I like cliches.

Every once in a while I will think of him, someone will mention him or ask me how he is. It's always a moment of shock, because he has finally left my heart and mind. I tried so hard to move on so quickly, I should have known it would happen when my heart was ready. I think I couldn't rush it because for me it was love, hence the moment of shock I feel. For he is now forgotten, someone I had made so much room for in my heart is part of my past. I have managed to fill the void left, but sometimes the echo of what was sneaks in for a beat or two.

There are whole days saved in my mind.. not that many, but those memories are still there. For a while I believed what everyone told me, that I never really loved him, that I just wanted to be with someone. But when those days replay in my mind and that shock strikes my belly it is because I had finally opened my heart, and I was truly in love for a moment in time. So sometimes I still grieve that loss, I resent the void I had to fill to stop my heart from breaking, and cry. But then, I dry my tears and make sure my patch work is holding up.

As I move on from my past may I have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I knew I wanted to move on, my heart took a little longer to get on board, but I am finding the calm in the choice I did not have.

My Saving Graces

Humour

Friendships

Lasting and loyal

Family 

Passion

Saved me from turmoil

Love

Concern

Constant and persistent

Patience

Understanding 

Of my protective distance 

Guiding hands

Open arms

Send me on the mend

Sunshine 

Colours

As I come alive again

Doubt

How often I doubt myself, that never used to be the case! I am not sure when it began, but it has become a habit. I never used question anything I did, or even think about it before it happened. I was confident that things would always work out, and they always did. I wouldn't second guess when to move on from something, I always just instinctively knew I had satisfied my curiosity and was ready to find out something new. I am calling out all my bad habits that having been nagging at my soul and character, so they too can be lightened as I find my way again.

I never used to be sad before I began doubting myself, but I was also ignorant of how many heartbreaks life could hold for a sensitive heart. However, I recently learned about the power of optimism, and how you to be able to recognize it, learn how to seek it out, and eventually how to grow it. There is always going to be sadness and suffering, but to let it into my daily life so often is making for a life not lived. I want to not only always see the glass half full, but top it off in a fancy cup.

I already feel a bit lighter and happier and am finding things that satisfy the idea of growth and healing and I want to achieve. May the road ahead be a bit smoother than the road in the review mirror.

My New Year