Sunday, December 25, 2016
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Monday, December 12, 2016
Too good to be true?
As I try and find a way back to myself, I have considered all the things I must do to get there. I knew thinking about treatment options was something that I could not avoid forever, so I made some choices in order to move forward. Like a rubber band snapping back into place, I feel alive again. Not little by little, but all at once. It was really quite alarming and overwhelming.
"I feel really happy, and really scared that it isn't going to last." I told my mom with tears in my eyes. It is a little strange to feel like yourself again, after so long. It is as if there was a stranger inhabiting my body this whole time, or as if a part of me was asleep, and has finally awoken. I feel a little disorientated, and cautious. Cautious, because for me, good things have not tended to last.
It can't be that simple can it? After years of searching have I finally found my balance? Have I kept that inner spark glowing long enough to finally ignite the flame? Or is it simply one of those last hurrahs, like when a sick person gets one last burst of energy before kicking the bucket?
I suppose only time will tell, but as keeper of my own fate, I will guide it in my favor when I can.
"I feel really happy, and really scared that it isn't going to last." I told my mom with tears in my eyes. It is a little strange to feel like yourself again, after so long. It is as if there was a stranger inhabiting my body this whole time, or as if a part of me was asleep, and has finally awoken. I feel a little disorientated, and cautious. Cautious, because for me, good things have not tended to last.
It can't be that simple can it? After years of searching have I finally found my balance? Have I kept that inner spark glowing long enough to finally ignite the flame? Or is it simply one of those last hurrahs, like when a sick person gets one last burst of energy before kicking the bucket?
I suppose only time will tell, but as keeper of my own fate, I will guide it in my favor when I can.
Sunday, December 4, 2016
Sunday Secrets
Although I try my very best to be in the moment and enjoy what I can, it is sometimes easier to find peace in tomorrow, in what comes next. As an optimist I am always sure that next year will be better, next season will bring more happiness. That may not be beneficial to someone who feels so much sadness, but that little bit of hope and optimism elevates it a bit. So, I will savour that hope and still try to ensure I am not letting those happy moments pass me by.
When I say I hope for more, I am not being selfish or greedy. More for me just means a day filled with happiness, followed by another, and hopefully a few more after that. More would be to crack my heart open a little more and finally let someone else in, to be able to trust my decisions and value my worth.
The life I live is smaller than I imagined, but I am learning to love it.
#postsecrets #classicsecrets #sunday
When I say I hope for more, I am not being selfish or greedy. More for me just means a day filled with happiness, followed by another, and hopefully a few more after that. More would be to crack my heart open a little more and finally let someone else in, to be able to trust my decisions and value my worth.
The life I live is smaller than I imagined, but I am learning to love it.
#postsecrets #classicsecrets #sunday
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