When I think about meeting someone new, of course the thought of how far it will go always crosses my mind. When I think about the few times I have really fallen, in the end no one was ever there to catch me. The first few falls were tragic, I crashed and broke into a million pieces, turns out I suck at puzzles. After that you think something so broken would break easily again next time. However, the last time I fell, I didn't seem to crash as hard, and there were not a million pieces to pick up. Was the last love not as deep as the others, was my heart now stronger and more durable? Or am I unable to love like the first time, knowing what has always followed. In the end I have always been left with tears in my eyes, my heart in my hands, begging for a second chance. I don't want to be there again.
With every new love, or the possibility of it, comes a list of new risks. The risk feels scarier and bigger. How many chances have I missed because I was scared, or how much time have I wasted because someone felt safe? When it comes down to it, I want something wild and passionate, longing and desperate. I have never longed for someone who I could cook dinner for or watch a movie with, but someone who inspires passion in me, helps me live a more meaningful and colorful life. I suppose if I put it out there into the universe enough and start living the life I truly want I will eventually attract that energy. However, I am growing restless and lonely again, my arms feel empty and I crave another human.
May I not make any more bad choices based on loneliness.
No comments:
Post a Comment