As I open myself up to new connections and getting to know others again, or from scratch, sometimes I feel terrified. I have never followed the time line of my peers, hitting all the "right" milestones along the way, so on days of insecurity it can feel like I don't measure up accordingly to society. However, I cannot forget my indifference is what I am truly made up of. Going beyond the norms to stick to your values and beliefs, ignoring that insecure feeling because if I had given into it I would have settled a long time ago. Although I certainly feel a void sometimes, I am grateful for my path so far.
As the depression eased up this last year, the anxiety kicked into high gear. There have been a lot of changes in my personal life and exciting opportunities careers wise, although it can be scary I need to embrace the change, loose my balance in order to move forward if you will. I cannot use my usual techniques of avoidance, because I more afraid I will miss something good. Fighting for happiness usually makes me feel strong, but on the days I am weak I am learning to take the help offered, and even ask if need be. May I have room to let the people I need into my life and heart xo.
