It's just a bad day, not a bad life

Recently I was admiring how I have been managing COVID-19 and all the work that comes with it. As someone who has struggled in the past I have been insistent on ensuring I didn't fall down a slippery slope when it comes to my Mental Health. Some days it feels like everyone needs something from me and I don't have much more to give.

While I have been managing my anxiety some days I am merely putting it up with it others, not decompressing and relaxing. The stress I carry has shown up in some medical results lately which was an eye opener on just how much mental health impacts your physical health. I may have put some things off too long because of the worry COVID may be putting on the health system, but my health is important too if I am going to continue to manage and strive during this uncertain time.

I will take my full lunch break, I will mind my sleeping and eating habits, I will let my boyfriend love and appreciate me. I will make time for myself, for my relationship and my family, even if it is at a distance. There are things that are beyond my control and I need to accept that, my heart can break for those situations, but I cannot let my own heart break in the process for other people need me.

I had an awful day Monday, a day that felt like when my depression takes control. But it turned out to just be one day and on Tuesday I felt better, and today I am rocking it. I am so glad I have reached a point where I can say, it's just a bad day... not a bad life. It's not a bad life at all, and I will do what I can to keep it that way xo

Resiliant

Never have I been under more pressure, or felt more professional stress. Yet, never have I thrived so much in uncertain times. I have been blessed to continue to not only work, but provide an essential service to front line workers. We are stressed, concerned, sometimes scared, yet we are the sunshine and safe place for the children in our care. I am proud and humbled of our team during this time.

I am also proud and humbled by own resilience during this time, even when working from home. I woke up, made my bed, made up myself. During self-isolation my professional stress was used as an outlet, the house is spotless, meals cooked, yard maintained, houseplants thriving. I read every book in the house, caught up on the documentaries I've been saving. Never once have I wavered thinking I may slip into depression or lack motivation. Such a strange thing to strive in uncertain times but it keeps me sane.

The support I find at home is so comforting. During this time horrifying news was received and a car accident added extra stress and anxiety as the world began to shut down. I miss my family more than I can say and some times it feels like a video call is not enough. But I am not alone, and for the first time I do not want to be. Never has anyone loved me so unconditionally, praised and spoiled me, but I deserve it. To find and fall in love and so fully embrace all it's joy feels a little selfish during this time, but it is our time, and one day I will see how much he got me through everything.

I am not sure when my weaknesses faded away and my strengths started to shine through, but let the sun shine in xo