Farwell

 It’s been a long time coming, but it is time to say goodbye. My life now belongs to my partner and sweet little one, and it doesn’t seem fair to share our lives as it is no longer just mine. This blog always seemed to be about becoming happy and finding the one, I have found both and so much more. As far as blogging goes I cannot see myself becoming a Mommy Blogger or sharing our everyday recipes. 

This outlet has served me well as I navigated my mental health and matters of the heart, but both feel resolved and my heart is so full. My attention has been dedicated to them, now I am just making it official.

Farwell xo

Thinking Pink xo

 

Blue or Pink?

 Twinkle twinkle little star, how we wonder what you are! We are patiently counting the hours now, until we find out if our little Bambino will be boy or girl! 

These past five months have flew by, but not because it's been a breeze. Performing life's greatest miracle is a lot of work! The energy it takes to grow this life, is drained directly from you (possibly the brain as I learned baby brain is a real thing). I feel like I have been sea sick for a majority of the past five months, tired beyond belief, and in the moments and days I find some relief and energy I basically get as much done as I can while it lasts, until I am exhausted. But of course, the love overcomes all and you tough it out, which I guess is my mother instincts kicking in. However I would welcome a period of relief before lugging this belly around becomes a huge chore.

Now comes the fun stuff, Finding out, nursey decorating, registry planning, looking at outfits! Although I am extremely proud of my career and the direction it has taken these past few years, being a Mama is something I have always longed for. I know it won't be a walk in the park, but I am so looking forward to taking that year and just enjoying the life we created, soaking in all the moments and making memories.

May the next five months past as quickly as the rest as we wait for our Summer Babe xo

Happily Ever After

 2020, the year the world fell apart was the year my world came together. It was as if all roads travelled led here, and I feel I can rest. I feel safe, calm and content. The seeds sown over the years have bloomed and provided a good life, and it grows as does my belly! I haven`t had any concerns or anxieties about the next step, as if this is what I have always been waiting for, made for. I have visions of baby cheeks and wedding bells dancing in my head, and the sweet life that will follow. I thought we had it all these past few months holed up together with our fur babies, and now we have so much more to look forward to. Cheers to love, laughter & happily ever after xo

Miss to Mrs.

 

Oh Baby

 I don't even think I can count all the blessings that life has brought me over the past 18 months. Among those is life's biggest blessing, a baby! I cannot even express how this makes me feel as I still cannot fathom that the one thing I have always wanted is upon us. The news hit me hard like a brick, as I stared at the lines forming in front of me (all six times)!! For the first time I am almost at a loss for words, I cannot say how long I have dreamed of this, or can hardly imagine how much this little being will change our lives. The love I already feel is unbearable, for I am already a mother. Such a great joy to share with our families, especially after heart ache and grief. I see the love these people feel for what is growing inside of me, and after years of loving and taking care of children it is finally my turn. 

You are already so loved little one, and your Papi and I cannot wait to see what the coming months and years bring for us and our little family we are starting. Dreams do come true xo

Baby on Board!

 

The way that we Love in the Night gave me Life, Baby I can't Explain

May the Light Guide your Way

“A limb has fallen from our family tree,

That says not grieve for me,

Remember the best times, the laughter, the song,

The good life I lived when I was strong”.

May your soul finally find peace

May no family ever have to justify their reason to grieve. Lost souls still have many hearts who love them, that broke every time they lost their way and always hoped for a new day. Death is so final, with no chance of change.

May you always find compassion for others in life’s dark moments.

Give me Five More Minutes of Loving You xo

The nights never seem long enough, the morning comes too soon, but I am content knowing you are always under the same moon xo

Surprised in an Understatement

I Fell & I Landed Safely in your Heart

There is falling in love, and then there is love.

Falling in love is exciting, it is a whirlwind of feelings that leave you feeling dizzy. But when the earth starts to steady how do you feel? Were you just passing time, or settling? My advice is don't ever settle, I waited so long to share my whole heart with someone and when the dizziness wore off I was left feeling surreal, for everything I truly wanted and more I now have.

Falling in love was easy, but this unconditional love feels natural. When I think of everything that has taken place to lead us to where we are today, I am thankful for every moment, every wrong turn or failed love. I don't wonder what if, but see our future so clearly and know this was always meant to be. From morning coffee, to evening swims and everything else in between, my heart is so full and content. I can't wait to build our life together.

I forget the rest....

I pray about you, still

For my Lazaro xo I am so glad I listened to my heart and didn't settle before I met you, my life is better with you by my side.

It's just a bad day, not a bad life

Recently I was admiring how I have been managing COVID-19 and all the work that comes with it. As someone who has struggled in the past I have been insistent on ensuring I didn't fall down a slippery slope when it comes to my Mental Health. Some days it feels like everyone needs something from me and I don't have much more to give.

While I have been managing my anxiety some days I am merely putting it up with it others, not decompressing and relaxing. The stress I carry has shown up in some medical results lately which was an eye opener on just how much mental health impacts your physical health. I may have put some things off too long because of the worry COVID may be putting on the health system, but my health is important too if I am going to continue to manage and strive during this uncertain time.

I will take my full lunch break, I will mind my sleeping and eating habits, I will let my boyfriend love and appreciate me. I will make time for myself, for my relationship and my family, even if it is at a distance. There are things that are beyond my control and I need to accept that, my heart can break for those situations, but I cannot let my own heart break in the process for other people need me.

I had an awful day Monday, a day that felt like when my depression takes control. But it turned out to just be one day and on Tuesday I felt better, and today I am rocking it. I am so glad I have reached a point where I can say, it's just a bad day... not a bad life. It's not a bad life at all, and I will do what I can to keep it that way xo

Resiliant

Never have I been under more pressure, or felt more professional stress. Yet, never have I thrived so much in uncertain times. I have been blessed to continue to not only work, but provide an essential service to front line workers. We are stressed, concerned, sometimes scared, yet we are the sunshine and safe place for the children in our care. I am proud and humbled of our team during this time.

I am also proud and humbled by own resilience during this time, even when working from home. I woke up, made my bed, made up myself. During self-isolation my professional stress was used as an outlet, the house is spotless, meals cooked, yard maintained, houseplants thriving. I read every book in the house, caught up on the documentaries I've been saving. Never once have I wavered thinking I may slip into depression or lack motivation. Such a strange thing to strive in uncertain times but it keeps me sane.

The support I find at home is so comforting. During this time horrifying news was received and a car accident added extra stress and anxiety as the world began to shut down. I miss my family more than I can say and some times it feels like a video call is not enough. But I am not alone, and for the first time I do not want to be. Never has anyone loved me so unconditionally, praised and spoiled me, but I deserve it. To find and fall in love and so fully embrace all it's joy feels a little selfish during this time, but it is our time, and one day I will see how much he got me through everything.

I am not sure when my weaknesses faded away and my strengths started to shine through, but let the sun shine in xo

Lay your head on me, don't be afraid love

Moving on up

Good bye Sassy the Sonata & Hello Sandy the Santa Fe!

Having an accident and dealing with insurance and dealerships was not something I wanted to do during this time, but miraculously everything went smooth and without a hitch. Turns out dealerships were having great deals during this time & my upgrade was more than I could have imagined.

Lockdown Love

Love in the time of quarantine.

I know I gushed how I love having someone to share my space with, but we eased into with a week on week off work schedule. We are into one week home with three more to go, yet so far so good.

After a night of him helping a friend and driving 9 hours, I woke up to a full course breakfast and coffee waiting for me. After a long day of working at home and making things work, I was met with fresh cooked shrimp and a big glass of wine. He treats me like a queen and we eat like kings. Two humans and two dogs seem like a lot in the space that was just mine, but we make it work, and at the end of the day we are all curled together sleeping away.

I thought this self isolation time may end our honey moon phase, but I think we will come out closer. It give us time to really find the in and outs of each other, our quirks and habits, and forming new ones with each other. I already knew he was the one, the newness and excitement was so intense I could hardly breath. As time moves on I still know, as excitement turns into contentment and newness turns into every day life I can see our future together.

Finding this love has been well worth the wait, I knew my time would come and now that it is here I cannot help but soak up the moment, and maybe even brag a bit. xo

Lucky

I don't know how I got so lucky, or when we slipped into this easy groove of life together. Though it has been such a short time, I cannot imagine it any other way. I long for him to hold me, where others simply felt they were squeezing the life out of me. And boy let me tell you, he holds me, he holds me like tomorrow isn't promised, like I belong to him and no other. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in each other I cannot help but think of us a Celtic knot, ever intertwined. His laid back island attitude is the calm in my storm, his touch melts my tension and anxiety away. He takes care of me in a way I didn't know I needed, gourmet food, unconditional love, and tolerance and patience for my wild and crazy dog.

I have always cherished my own home, like a sacred space I didn't want penetrated by any other. But this house has become his and it feels a little empty when he is gone. I cherish our morning coffee together, and enjoy our home cooked meals together (especially during this crazy time). I respect the fact that after a hard day to tells me to have a bath with some wine while he cooks us steak. Like I said, I don't know how I got so lucky, but I am ever thankful I didn't settle, missing this would be my biggest regret.