Where Does the Good Go

There is a fine line between love and hate

I believe I have stumbled across the reason I was dragging my feet. There is such a fine line between love and hate, and for me I have no bounds on the emotions I feel once they begin. But what are you left with when the love fades? The answer to that is what I have been avoiding, because I cannot bear the thought of hating of you. But as all the warm feelings I have fade for good I catch myself wishing I had never met you, or I find myself so angry that things are over and you ended it. So I hold onto those feelings of love that are no longer there because they are better than the alternative. Then I think about us and wonder if we ever really will stay in each other's lives. I still feel that need to fill you in on bits of my life, because you were such a big part of it, and I still sometimes can't believe you no longer are. But as I continue moving on I don't think you are going like what happens next, I can't imagine you being happy for me. So I will eventually stop filling you in, and life will go on.

I am almost there, and I will pick up my feet. Half of me is reluctant and the other half is eager, we will see who comes out on top.

Just Let it Be, Why don't you be you & I'll be me

Trying to fit your hand inside of mine
When we know it just don't belong
There's no force on earth
Could make it feel right
No

Run Baby Run

I swear I was running as fast as I could to finish line. The line that once I crossed would free me of all that has happened in the last year. But as I approach the end I find I am dragging my feet. I am holding on and reminiscing about every moment. I remember how good it felt to be adored, how much attention I had for the first time in so long. I really felt so loved in the beginning. It's funny how your mind can choose what to remember.

I remember how lucky I felt to finally have you, how happy I finally felt at last. Even when I was unhappy for other reasons, I felt okay because I had you. I try to remember the things that bothered me, to offset these memories that decided to come flooding in, but the pros are out weighing the cons and I am struggling to truly move on. You became more a part of me then I had planned it, you forced your way in, loved me fiercely and left. And now I am left here alone. I know I wanted it to rain and wash away it all, but now I am drowning in these memories and feelings, and haunted by the way you once made me feel. I need the sun back, I need it to come and dry up all these tears and warm my heart and bones. I need to force my way across this finish line and accept that no one is waiting on the other side.

Lonely Days

90% of the time I am fabulous. But that other sneaky 10% is killing me. I try to muster up as much grace as I have and carry on because I dare not tell anyone I still cry for you. I sometimes miss being wrapped up in you, and I am filled with much more lonliness then I experienced before. Before I didn't know what it was like to love you, but now that I have and can no longer do so, the loneliness bears down much heavier than it ever has. I've already made a fool of myself when it comes to this matter of the heart and I am determined never to do that again, but it doesn't stop it from replaying in my mind. I mostly feel like I am ready to love again, but on days like today I miss our love.