The Good Tired

There is times when my soul gets tired, thankfully I recognize that now and have learned how to nourish it. Then there is the good tired. The, I killed it at work, took care of myself, spent time with those I love, tired. I started a new job, an addition to my current position, that allows me to really expand my learning interests and spend time doing what I love. Sometimes the more work I have to balance, the more efficient I become. I miss the hustle of learning more while working and have been toying with the idea of some upgrading to add to my resume. I think this new position will give some insight and purpose to that idea. It feels good to be excited about my career, I am so blessed to do something I love that truly makes a difference. It takes a big heart to shape little minds, and I think my heart was built just for that. The child like wonder I get to experience through the lens of our daily work truly helps alleviate that tired soul syndrome I have, some days it is the best part of my day. Other days it inspires other aspects of my life and what I want to do with it. I've been working on replenishing myself in my free time, which has sparked a little creativity and inspiration. I am excited to continue to grow, rather than just exist. I can't always see what the over all purpose of all that I do, but I can't help but feel I am fulfilling it.

Spring has Sprung

Although I no longer choose to celebrate catholic traditions, this weekend really did feel like a rebirth. The sun stayed out, the snow has almost disappeared, and nature was calling my name. I sometimes wonder if a bear is my spirit animal, because a part of me really does rest during the darker months. I had a good winter this year, but it still doesn't compare to how I feel by the water in the sun. Since going to the Ocean for the first time two years ago, I have craved the salt and sun ever since (and am already planning another vacation for the year despite being home less than two weeks). Luckily North Western Ontario is abundant with Lakes and the summer sun is hot enough to warm my soul. The spring sun has me looking forward to the days ahead. 

Make Every Day Earth Day

Take nothing but pictures
Leave nothing but footprints
Kill nothing but time

For the earth does not belong to us
We belong to the earth

Half of my heart is in Varadero xo

Cuba I love you

See you in 48 hours xo

My Best Day

This Monday was not your typical Monday. No dreading the upcoming week, or sad the weekend was over, it was sunny and I was happy. The stress that has plagued me the last six weeks faded like new fallen snow in the spring sun. I got good news for an amazing career opportunity, which will ease the financial stress my new home has caused me. I LOVE living in the light, so my plants and pets.. but with the move came a steep rent increase which stressed me out in a way I have not experienced. But that discomfort forced me to explore some options that lead to so much growth, I really am thankful for the challenge and experience. It is easy to just do what you have always done that you stop experiencing new things. Change causes me to feel uneasy, however working through that feeling left me feeling better than before.

That being said, someone near and dear to me is really going through something awful. On a day when my heart was finally light, their heart was so heavy. I felt guilty celebrating my happiness when someone's heart was breaking. But I suppose even on my darkest days, other's lives were filled with light, and I do not resent that. May the light continue to shine on me and make it's way into the dark and heavy hearts.

March was series of unfortunate events, yet here I am still standing strong. Storms come and go, but I feel firmly rooted now.

The softness in my strength

I have always been proud of the fact that I accomplished what I have on my own. It didn't always feel that way at times, on the long way around, or on long winter nights, but mostly it is true. Somewhere along the way I forgot how to let people really in, I was so worried about me making it work that it is hard for me to let others help me. If I can't make it on my own now, I feel shame, or wonder why I felt the need to go it alone this whole time.

As I open myself up to new connections and getting to know others again, or from scratch, sometimes I feel terrified. I have never followed the time line of my peers, hitting all the "right" milestones along the way, so on days of insecurity it can feel like I don't measure up accordingly to society. However, I cannot forget my indifference is what I am truly made up of. Going beyond the norms to stick to your values and beliefs, ignoring that insecure feeling because if I had given into it I would have settled a long time ago. Although I certainly feel a void sometimes, I am grateful for my path so far.

As the depression eased up this last year, the anxiety kicked into high gear. There have been a lot of changes in my personal life and exciting opportunities careers wise, although it can be scary I need to embrace the change, loose my balance in order to move forward if you will. I cannot use my usual techniques of avoidance, because I more afraid I will miss something good. Fighting for happiness usually makes me feel strong, but on the days I am weak I am learning to take the help offered, and even ask if need be. May I have room to let the people I need into my life and heart xo.