Sometimes when the big things happen it makes you realize all the other stuff really isn't that important. I think  I finally am pretty good at fnding the lessons by now. "Don't be sad because it is over, smile because it happened." You think it would be hard to miss something that you never quite had, but really it's the idea of what I was hoping for that I am missing. I think I felt myself rely on someone else a little for the first time, felt comforted with the idea of letting someone in. And maybe that is the lesson there, that I can let someone in, there is no longer a need for the walls I had built in the past. I no longer want meaningless encounters, or fear letting someone in. I learned that I can be feminine and soft and somewhat sweet. I remembered how good I am at caring for others, the joy of doing things to bring a smile to someone, simply caring for another person as more than a friend. It had been so long and I forgot how good it really feels. Maybe it was only meant to be short lived because beyond that I wouldn't be moving on with fond feelings. But I can, and be grateful and graceful while doing it, I hope :p I let myself get lost for a while, but I think I found parts of me I was looking for, parts that I had lost to being cynical, jaded or to self doubt. When someone goes, no matter how they leave I want them to remember the best parts of me. "Leave people better than you found them." I think I am taking what I have been given and leaving better, and I hope those I around me feel the same way.