I heard an actress say this line during a Netflix binge and wondered if this is an appropriate answer to give when people ask how I am doing. For I know I am long past the phase of faking it until I make it, and my sadness shows on my face and aches in my bones. I know who I was and who I want to be, yet I am stuck in this limbo of either grief or hollowness, carrying around the empty shell of a former self. Whatever I was doing to keep myself a float, that constant falling and pulling myself back up is broken, it is no longer working and happiness seems further away than ever.
Now that I've admit it, and it is in the process of sinking in, I know the next step will be work. But it's either that or something I know I won't be able to face. Perhaps I am broken so I can put myself back together in a way that eases and pleases my heart and soul. Like taking a house and tearing it down to its bones so you can rebuild a home that is yours. Such a tedious project is surely worthy of patience and care, for the end result is always a wonderful reveal.
I am tired and sad, but still hopeful. I know how loved I am and who is in my corner, that is always with me. I think I just need a little more help than that.
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