Home Alone

I've grown to dislike this fowl feelings I am dragging around still, I literally feel like I have a rain cloud over me, even though the sun has finally arrived. I found two of the problems.

1. Going to the city - okay so in all fairness it has only been twice, but I left in tears. I feel like I have cried enough tears to drown but they are still sneaking out. And this problem needs to be solved quickly. I have so many work and social things coming up.. tears will not do.

2. Coming home alone. This shocked me as that it is a problem because I always have been on my own. But the last year was different, even though I wasn't coming home to you, I was always carrying you and my love for you with me, I never felt alone. That heavy constant nagging of being on my own feels like it is dragging me down.

Everything seems so final now. Now that life is going on it is clear that no one is running back to anyone. Even though we talked till we were blue in the face that this was the right thing to do, it still would have been nice if someone put up a fight, like any of this mattered. It hurts that I was so easy to let go of.

Now that I know the problem, and why I feel so deflated I can find a way to fix it. I think I've mentioned more than once how eager I am to be free of all this pain, so find a way I will. People always say you don't know how strong you are until you have to be. I've always known, but strength doesn't heal a broken heart, time does. Time and whiskey.