I Promise to Always Stay Wild

I feel like I still crave you, like my body and heart are unaware that the connection between us has been severed. I feel like I know what I could do to try and make this work and imagine how good it would feel to be in your arms again, breathing you in, and feeling myself safe there. But when it happens in my dreams I know that I do not fit there anymore, and sometimes I wonder if I ever really did, or if I just forced my way in simply to have two arms around me. Subconsciously I knew this was never for the long haul, but deep down I always thought it would be me who would walk away, or say no to the next step. But here we are, and as the days go by a bit of what we were falls away more and more. It is as if I am bleeding what was all over the place, and as it leaves me, I remember it as it was, grieve it, and then more pours out of me. I am just impatient for it to end. I grieve and I am sad, but I know now that I no longer want this love, or this pain.

The next time I find someone I hope he has better faith in us, not walk away at the first bump in the road. I know it was a long winter, but I also know I want someone who can pick me up when I am down, not just leave me there and walk away.As I mentioned previously, I found my answer in your hesitation, and myself in your absence. You were a calm in my storm, but calm waters make me want to drown and I missed the chaos of my waves. I was not growing up, I was bored. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw "Maybe some women are not meant to be tamed, they just run free until the find someone just as wild to run with them." I promise to always stay wild.