Last of 2002

Well folks, here is the rest of 2002 as I have promised. This is where all the magic happened, my first love and then beginning of falling out of love. I remember reading a book called May your first love be your last. Of course when you fall in love all the time (I fell in love with a brand of wine the other day :P) then that is just impossible. But I think when you find THE ONE then it is a different kind of love. You know "can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over- the-fence, world-series kind of stuff." (It Take Two) Then in that case, when you fall that hard, it's a special kind of love, so technically, it's the first love like that, and hopefully your last. At least that's how I like to picture it. Of course, I'm hopeless. Hopelessly single, hopelessly optimistic, naive and gullible. Ext. But then we wouldn't have this blog, these poems or the two readers. Looks like I am coming out of my funk. Thank goodness for Nicholas Sparks novels. Don't worry I went to the library today and took out a bunch, we are safe from the rants for while. Well instead of rambling lets get on with it already.
End of 2002!
*
Dreams Come True
I dreamed of what I would say to you
If you were ever mine
I thought about the day you would kiss me
And thought it again time after time

The thought you your touch and the wish of your look
Had still been just a dream
Sometimes I still catch myself dreaming
And then remember you belong to me

Sometimes I feel like I am still dreaming
Because I never thought it could be
Now my dreams are so much better
There is so much more I see

Now when I feel your touch
Or when your eyes meet mine
I know that it is all real
And it is not a dream this time
*
Defining Moments
Defining moments happen
And make things what they be
You are something that has happened
And you are something that defines me

I have been a different person
Since the moment our lips touched
I didn’t know I could love this way
Or care for someone so much

I have never been held before
Like the way you hold me close
I have never been kissed like this
Like the way you kiss me so

You make everything so perfect
It is as if you have magic at you fingertips
And magic in your kiss

When myself is defined
There is no regret or doubts
There is nothing but a lot of happiness
A lot of dreams and hopes
*
Simple Things
It is all the simple things
That makes me feel this way
It is every simple thing you do
That makes my thoughts fly away

The simple meeting of our eyes
That simple look that could make me just die
The simple kiss upon my lips
Your simple arm around my hips

That simple smile across your face
It makes my simple heart race
The simple feeling of your touch
It turns simple feelings into so much

The simply wish that you will always be there
The simply hope that you will always care
All these simple things add up
To the wonderful thing we have that I love so much!
*
Unspoken Words
There are so many words I cannot say
But that doesn’t mean they are not there
There are so many times I cannot express myself
But that doesn’t mean I do not care

There is not a minute I do not think of you
Whether it is night or day
Whenever you get up to leave
I wish that you could stay

Every time we are face to face
There is so much I wish I could say
But I decide to put it off
And before I know it all the time has slipped away

Sometimes I seem quiet
It is because I cannot seem to get the words out
Some days I will just get frustrated with myself
And I just get crabby and pout

On these days don’t worry
It is nothing you have done, you are fine
I just wish I has more courage
Right now I just need some time

Until I can say these words
Just hold me close and tight
Do not let go or lose faith in me
Because these words will come when the time is right
*
A first I love you
Lying next to you
Looking into your eyes
I want to shout out these words
But I am so afraid and shy

Every kiss and every thought
This wonderful feeling of mine had built up
I cannot hold the words back any longer
I've held back long enough

I pull my lips away from yours
I let the words flow out
Shaking with nerves and uncertainty
Feeling my heart jump about

I never thought I could say these words
Never mind to your face
But there is something special that you do
And my heart just cannot control its pace

When you return my words
So many emotions wash over me
Holding back tears and shouts of joy
I just hold you and let the moment be

I have never been this happy before
And it is you that makes me feel this way
I hope you will always remember this
Because nothing has been more special than this day

Lying next to you
Never wanting to let go
Happy not saying a word
Because I finally let it all show
*
Plus More
Discovering love was all I hoped it would be
Plus more

You are that plus more
Because you made my daydreams seem so dull
Because I never dreamed that I could have you
You are everything I ever wanted
Plus more

The plus more is that you loved me back
More than I could have ever imagined
I love you a million different ways
And for a million different reasons
Plus more
*
Wondering
I am starting to Picture my life without you
And I seem to be okay
I wonder how to go about without you
And I see many ways

Yet when I am with you
You drive these thoughts away
They are forgotten at the touch of your hand
And when you are around forgotten they stay

Your hug squeezes the thoughts out
And your kisses drown them down
Your words wash them away
And I forget all the words I wanted to say

But when you leave my side
These thoughts return to me
I wonder how things would turn out
And I see myself free

I know that I would be left with a few wounds
But I also know that they would quickly heal
The only thing that is stopping me
Is wondering how you would deal
*

2002 - If you want a rainbow, You have to put up with the rain

They always say nothing worth it is easy. After everything I've felt, when something good does happen it better be fucking amazing. LoL. But even if your life isn't right on track or how you hoped, you can certainly be happy for those around you. Like best friends, getting married, engaged, bringing new life into the world. Get lost in their worlds, until yours is a little better.
So here we are, some MORE 2002. Not the last post yet, I thought about making it, but then it would be pretty long. So this is around the point of my first serious relationship, ACTUALLY falling in love for the first time, and from what I remember being really happy. This guy was actually one of the good ones, great actually. I don't know what I was thinking letting him go. Perhaps it was just too serious for at the time. Funny eh? Worlds most romantic girl, leaving because it was too much. I'm hilarious. Ok so here we go. Fifteen year old me, maybe learning some lessons, but probably forgetting them.
*
Forrest Gump
Falling in love was so easy
Especially when it was someone like you
Your smile so genuine and big
Your eyes so honest and true

I gave it all that I had
I know now it was too much
You’re not the first to reject me
I should be used to getting my soul crushed

I thought I felt forever
When you pulled me in
But this happy life is over
Before it had a chance to begin

I slowly sink in my sea of tears
As each word ripped apart my dreams

I stand alone again
I thought I’d have you here
I though you would be here tomorrow
And continue for many years

Falling out of love us so much harder
Especially when it is with you
Though I realize you were different
Forever ended too soon
*
Mistakes
Things don’t work out for the best
When you are me
Just when things seem to be going right
I am brought back to reality

No on will hold me or tell me they care
When I need a shoulder to cry on no one is ever there

Everyone makes mistakes
That is all I seem to be
Crying never seemed so natural
It is something that I know a part of me

Stay away from my heart
I know it’s meant to be alone
Don’t look back upon my face
You will not see a smile anymore

At this point I am going to be alright
I am used to this by now
I know it was all a mistake
I suppose I just wish it wasn’t somehow
*
Falling under the Moon
Sitting under the stars
That illuminates your precious face
Listening to your voice
Dreaming about future days

Playing your guitar
I fall more in love with you
You may change your mind again
But I know that I am a fool

I fear the fact that my heart will break
You’ve done it once before
But your words heal the previous pain
And now I love you more

That tender touch you bear
And those sweet words you speak
It is what tingles my spine
It is what makes my heart beat

Sitting under the sky
This time I am not alone
No more crying in the moonlight
For you heart is now my home
*
Peaceful secret Realm
It is peaceful being all alone
Not alone in matters of the heart
But in matters of the soul and thoughts
Sitting peaceful, wondering
Thinking calmly, smiling
Dreaming of future love and joy
Forgetting of past aches and pains
Living in present ponders and problems
Crying in this place is perfectly okay
Because you are along so no one will know
No one is allowing in this secret realm
No one else can escape to your state
It is yours alone, peacefully
*
Good-Bye Summer Love
I am afraid this summer love will fade
Like dreams do at the morning light
Like wet sand when the waves crash
Like a blind beings sight

My heart aches as I stand here alone
I wonder if you are alone as well
I shudder to think you will find someone new
And when that happens there is nothing I can do

Like leaves drift from the trees in the fall
Blown by the cool autumn breeze
My dreams drift away with the days
And my heart is chilled by what I see

I see you
But you are so far away
I want to feel your warmth again
And not worry about my words to say

But without you by my side
All we have is words to speak
But feelings as words never come out right
Although I see rehearse them every night

I wish we could be together
Like two binary stars
Revolving around each other
Then you will never be that far

I send these dreams out to you
From the dark of nigh
I think kind thoughts of you
And let out a gentle sigh
I miss you
*
If you Could…
If you could look into my eyes and understand all my words
Then everything would be perfect

If you could have me forever and promise to never leave
Then I would never get hurt

If you were with me every second and you loved me dear
Then it would be just like my dream

If you were just to hold me close we would be alone in the universe
Or so it would seem

If you could sing to me sweet from the depth of your soul
The tune would end never

If I could just feel the beat of your heart and know that you love me
I would be happy forever
*
What is Black? (this one was written for an English assignment, not very romantic but oh well)
Black is the color that keeps secrets hidden
It is the color of hurt, the path to hell that evil has ridden
It is the shadows in the night revealing your innermost fright
It is the pain you feel when you have lost everything that is real
It is what stabs you in the back when people are cruel
It is at the end of an until death dual
It is the devil in disguise, the enemy of God
It is the temptation of the weak and the weak to the strong
It is the color of the bird that no one likes
It is the color of outcast and the base of all fights
It is the color of the jujube that no one will eat
It is hating annoying competitor that no one can beat
It is the color in you eyes after your heart has been broken
It is the rage in your soul that lets hatred soak in
It is what causes people to ignore you and makes you say words untrue
It is everything you lack
It is the color black
*
Remembering
Remembering
This is not a time of sorrow
Nor a time of tears
It is a time of smiles and reflection
It is a time to rejoice of memories throughout the years
Take your friends hand
And your enemies heart
This is a time of remembrance
There is no difference keeping us apart
Together in this time of peace
All will stand as one
Working as a force to stay strong
Forgetting past wrongs done
Time heals all wounds
And kindness helps along the way
Silence is the best comfort
For there are no right words to say
We will cry but wipe our tears
And day by day overcome our fears
January, May or November
We shall always remember
*
Falling for You
Leaves fall from the trees
As I fall for you
Changing colors everyday
Like my changing feelings for you

Everyday is different
But the familiar scent is in the air
There are different shades and feelings
And me wondering if you care

Dreaming the hours and minutes into the past
As my thoughts float and sway
Just like a leaf released from a tree
Dancing in the sun’s glorious rays

I cannot get enough of autumn
Nor enough of you
I shall continue to love the fall
As I continue to fall for you
*
Uncertainty
Thinking of what I mean to you
Is simply driving me nuts
I don’ know if I am dropping enough hints
Or I am not dropping enough

I am never sure if I should grab your hand
Or how big my smile should be
I wonder if you smiling at other girls
The same way you are smiling at me

When your arms reach for me
I wonder what to do
Do you have the same doubts
And feel the way I feel about you

Should I make eye contact
Because I always look away
I know that I always laugh and joke
It is because I can never find the right words to say

Should I be sweet
Because I am not sure I know how
When I have something to say
Should I wait or say it now?

Just tell me how you want it to be
If you want anything at all
Because once I know for sure
It will make it easier to fall
*
When
I wonder how much he thinks of her
Or if he does at all
Does she have more of a hold on him than I do?
Even though she is so far

Does he like me more?
Sometimes I wonder if he even does
I try to give him my attention
Does he think that’s enough?

Does he know how much I think of him?
Because I do all the time
When will the day come
When I can say he is mine?

When will he forget her?
I hope the day is soon
Then I can finally hold him
And our love can begin to bloom
*
Won’t Say I’m in Love
I can say I love your kisses
And everything you do
I can say I love your sweetness
I just can’t say I love you

I love your little smiles
And the sparkle in your eye
If you didn’t feel the same way
I am afraid that I would cry

I love the way you hold me close
And I can feel your warmth
There is a millions ways that I could tell you
But it is stuck inside my heart

I am afraid that if I let it out
My heart will break in two
So I will wait for that special moment
To say that I love you
*

Well there it is, my falling for the very first time. Not just thinking I am, or imagining what it would be like to be with that person, but actually being with him and starting to fall in love. I thought maybe all this was bad for me, emotionally. Reliving it all, but it really is nice remembering this part. Hopefully I won't take so many days to post again. I see I have one follower (probably Katie?) and I would hate to disappoint. So next time we will finish 2002, for real.
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2002 - If You want a rainbow you have to put up with the rain

More 2002
*
First Date
It was the way the candles danced upon your face
And the glare in your eyes that made my heart race

The smile that spreads across your face when you spoke to me
And when you didn’t speak how I could feel the chemistry

How I had you beside me with love music playing
And to the beat of my heart how my soul was swaying

How you made me so nervous when I sang so I couldn’t hear a sound
How you smiled when I sat down and complimented me anyhow

How you talked and how you made me laugh
How you finally made me feel comfortable and finally I could relax

How we said goodbye it was awkward but sweet
How I recall the evening of you and me

How you can talk and me warm even if it were December
How everything you did made it a night to remember
*
On this River
On this river flowing free
I am glad I got you here beside me

I hold you close and you hold me back
Everything is perfect and I like it like that

I smell your sweet skin and see your mysterious eyes
And all these words you never speak they suit me fine

When I don’t hear a peep it is special to me
Because all those emotions are spoken for in a single heart beat

You light up the room with that sly smile of yours
And I can truthfully say your love is never a bore

On this river watching the sun set
Let our hearts wonder and everything else we will forget

So, on this river together we will drift
Let our hearts guide the way whether the path be slow or swift

And on this river embrace my heart
While together on this river we shall stay together
Never drifting apart
*
Doubts
He told me to wish upon a star
But I am guessing it didn’t make it very far
He hold me he liked me but I know it was a lie
I figured it out with my tears fell and my heart sighed

I guess there is something about me that guys do not like
Because they always seem to give me up without a fight
One minute they like me and tell me so
Any given minute later the answer is always no

He told me what it should be like tomorrow
But tomorrow never came
Unless you count the day filled with sorrow
Not the day that we should have had

I thought I had found a keeper at last
I suppose I am just a fool who will fall in love whenever
Will I ever find the one who will last forever?
Or will they let go just like he did

Do boys enjoy telling me fibs?
There is always someone else who is better than me
When will I just be good enough?
When will they see?

I believe that I have a heart of gold
And secrets that have to be told
I think that I could really make someone glad
So why does everyone want to make me sad?

Where art thou my Romeo?
Is it just for now or will I never know?
*
Just Maybe
Maybe you could hold me
Without regret or doubt
Maybe you could calm my emotions
That make me want to cry and shout
Maybe you could say I am pretty
And tomorrow not turn away
Maybe you could speak to me words
And tomorrow not deny what you say
Maybe you could love me
And admit it to the world
Maybe you could kiss me
An not like other girls
Maybe you could dry my tears
Or not make me cry at all
Promise that you will never push me away
But catch me if I fall
*
This Girl
This is a story of a girl
Who wanted nothing but love out of this world
Who fell for love at every hole
And has a life time worth of tears emptying her soul

She wears her heart on her sleeve
Just don’t take it and break it please
It is something that must be handled with care
Because she is crying and your laughing, it is just not fair

This girl doesn’t want riches and such
She will never ask for anything much
Just for a sweet guy with a big heart
Who just won’t suddenly part

This girl won’t ever hurt you
Nor leave you behind
She will always be sweet and loving
She will always be kind

This girl needs you for her prince
So come and grant her every wish
*
Forget-me-nots
The forget-me-nots will soon be in bloom
They kind of remind me of me and you
They are here for a short time but they’re so beautiful
Like the time you held me and let me go

I would have held on forever if I could
But you sure don’t want that
Forget-me-nots never last that long anyways
Like how we ended up, sad

Forget me not but remember me
Because I will remember you and all we shared
I feel your presence when you are around
Although you choose to pretend I am not there

Will you ever come around again
For a new season to share
Or leave me here alone
And forget you ever cared

I pick these flowers now and think of you
I feel so confused I don’t know what to do
I wish you’d let some emotion for me show
But I have no choice except to let you go

But I shall forget you not
*
Wishing Stars
Broken hearted and forgotten
I lay here all alone
Abandoned at the touch of your hand
No one wants to claim me for their own

I wish upon a star once more
And hope you’ll come back to me
The last wish still hasn’t come true
When I had wished that you and I could be

My hand is now empty
Without yours to hold
I feel so used and betrayed
I use to be strong & bold

You wiped the smile that use to rest across my face
And you broke my beating heart
You breathed into my soul
But then decided to part

Crying in the moonlight
Searching for that star
I know you are only a glance away
Yet you choose to be so far

I see that star fly across the sky
And I wish to be okay
I dry my tears in the moonlight
Tomorrow is another day
*
Differences
I can’t see the major difference
That is keeping us apart
We breath the same air
And we are under the same stars

Do you like the taste of chocolate
Or the smoothness of ice cream
When you are sad don’t you cry
And when your terrified don’t you scream?

You can’t say your heart belongs to someone else
For you and I know it beats for me
I know you want what I want
You know you think the same as me

Don’t you want your hand held
Or your lips kissed
When you are gone or away
Don’t you want someone to miss?

I believe in fate
And in destiny too
If you need some hope I’d be glad to let you know
My path is heading towards you

There are a few bumps and curves along the way
But I see you standing at the end
Like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow
Nothing but good things are ahead
*
Unrequited
For awhile I had forgotten
The way you make me feel
So happy and excited
So down the earth and real

Today I saw you sitting into the sun
And I wished I could reach out for you
But you and I both know
That is something I cannot do

I am sure what you once felt for me
Blew away long ago
The wind that captured your feeling also took my hope
So now you’ll never know how much I loved you so

You’d be the one I’d embrace forever
If you’d just let go of her
Don’t fall in a hole of false love
Be true and love me so
*

We have one more post to go to finish off 2002. Until then,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2002 ~ Life isn't about learning to weather the storms, it's about learning to dance in the rain

Ok, so I feel like writing now. I've been told I'm empathetic. Caring about other people's feelings. Even people who hurt me, or don't call me back. (lol) I still feel the need to stick up for them, defend them for handing my feelings back to me, here you go, I just don't want them. Sure I bitch about them after but I've always kept their feelings in mind. Same with my friends, it seems the people closest to me I have allowed to walk all over me at some point, and still my arms and heart are open. But I've noticed lately I've taken it a step too far. I let my surroundings effect how I feel and live. If I am reading a book, watching a movie, that is happy, sad, dramatic, or neurotic, then for some reason I feel that way to a certain extent. I let them depress me, raise me up, and bring me down. A little pathetic I know, I've always thought I was such a strong person. Maybe I just act like it. Goodness, even my dreams effect how I feel when I wake up.
I also act like being alone is what I want. After a while you can forget what a touch, a kiss, an embrace feels like. The excitement of something new, it's just a distant memory. Did I really feel that way? You forget, so it's ok that you don't have it. You just get by. But then someone comes along, and shows you again, you don't have to remember because you are feeling it. Of course I read everything wrong and get ahead of myself and when they are like oh sike, I was just kidding. Suddenly laying alone without anyone holding or kissing you, kind of sucks. You forget to pretend you are this strong, single woman in charge of her decisions. Sometimes I get so caught up in being blue I don't even actually care about the reason I was in the first place, I'm really quite melodramatic.
Oh well, we all know me, I will learn nothing and do it all again. And again. The only major regret I have is buying those lacy and sexy under garments that never got seen, (except by our dog who can casually walks into my room since I don't have a forth wall)when I really feel sexiest in my peace sign gitch and ripped XL Jimi Hendrix t-shirt.
So here is to trying again, and failing again. We might get some good poems out of this situation.
2002 - also a big year for poems, must of been melodramatic then as well. Here we go. Part One.
*
I’m talking about you
If someone is on your mind when the dawn breaks
If they are all you think about when you are awake
If you think of them all through the lonely night
Well then that is a for sure sign alright

If you want to kiss them just one more time
If they smile at you and just want to die
If it feels like magic when they take your hand
That is when you know that they are your man

If when they touch you
You get weak in the knees
That is when you know you are head over heals

If you would travel for them near or far
That is when you know it is written in the stars

When it seems like the heavens sent them from up above
That is when you know it is true love
When you read this poem if you ever do
Then you will know that I am talking about you
*
One Last Time
Last night I made a big mistake
And all it did was cause myself heartbreak
I really do need you back, but how?
It seems too late to talk to you now
I need you to hold me one more time
I will prove I am better off when you are mine
And please if you would just hold my hand
And for one more day be my man
Give me one of those kisses sweet and short
And when you are done give me some more
Joke around and laugh with me
Tickle my leg behind my knee
Play with my bracelet and my rings
Laugh at me when I sing
Just pull my close one last time
And for s split second pretend everything is fine
*
Mixed Signals
If my broken heart wasn’t enough
Just add rejection too
I didn’t think you would stop loving me
I didn’t stop loving you

When I wanted time apart
I thought you would wait for me
I didn’t think you would just move on
This is what I cannot see

Did you hold my hand because you cared for me
Or did you just do it to fool my heart
And then decide to leave me be

Did it mean nothing to you
When your lips brushed against mine?
Did you enjoy your days with me
Or did you think it was a waste of time?

Why did you pull me close
Knowing you would just let go
Why did you tell me you cared
Just please I would like to know

Did you just play with my hair
So I would think that you really cared?
Or did you like looking straight into my eyes
And telling my heart nothing but lies

Maybe it was just laughing with me
Knowing that I would someday cry
Or did you just say hello
So eventually you could say good-bye

Or did you really care for me
The way I cared for you
Because without you loving touch I don’t know what to do
*
Greg (a nick name for a crush who kinda looked like Greg Brady :s)
Whenever I like another boy
My heart comes back to you
I don’t know what to say or think
I don’t know what to do
I dream of the day that I will steal a kiss
This is something I don’t want to miss
To have tasted the taste of true love
From someone like you who is sent from above
I see a piece of heaven when I look at you
And feel like I am floating after a dance or two
I know that you do not realize
The way I really feel
And I do not think you would understand
My feelings seem too real
And I don’t want to take that chance
Of breaking my tender heart
I would rather keep it to myself
And have my hopes at large
Next time you see me take a look into my eyes
It leads to a tunnel straight into my heart
And it words will tell you no lies
When you hear those heartfelt words
Written by my soul
Take them into consideration
And believe what you have been told
I love you
*
Missing
I miss the way you make me sigh
I miss the way you would make me cry
I miss the way we would make up
I miss how everything was never enough
I miss those looks you gave to me
I miss how they made me feel so tingly
I miss the way you held me tight
I miss how I knew it was so right
I miss the way you made me mad
I miss the way you held my hand
I miss how together we made two
But most importantly
I don’t miss you
*
It’s me
I thought maybe someday you’d come to me
But I guess there is something that I failed to see
I turned away when I saw her with you
I didn’t think anything would come of you two
I was wrong

I cried the day I found out
I didn’t even try to smile
I would just pout
There is no way to describe the pain
But I guess someone has to loose in this game

It is not fair that I am left alone
That I have no heart to call my own
I can’t look at your picture
And keep my eyes dry
The day I found out
My love for you died

I figured it may be revived one day
When you realize the mistake you have made
Maybe one day you will open your heart and see
It is not her you want, it’s me
*
Betrayed but Okay
A love was what you claimed to be
A friend and family was what she was to me
He took my hand and held me tight
She was the one who tried to make it right

The day I sent my heart out
I was thinking of you
At the same time
You were deciding what to do

So what you want to be is just friends
Those words seemed so unreal
There is no way you could imagine
The way you made me feel

Now she is the one that you want to hold
The girl I once could trust
Now I am nothing to you
But I will not make a fuss

I already cried my tears for you
And now it is time to move on
And no matter what happens
I am going to be strong
Because you are not worth it
*
I’m the girl that’s true
The boy I want so badly
He is the one I cannot have
I cannot tussle his curly hair
Or show him how much I really care
It seems so wrong that it must be right
Although he is only mine at night
I suppose it is good enough for now
But I must get a hold of his heart somehow
I want him to see
To see the girl inside of me
I want him to realize
That it is the girl he needs
But I mustn’t let him know
That I still care deep down
I wish he could know without me saying a word
I wish he would realize somehow
If he could just put his arms around me
And find a love so true
I want him to know
That being with me is what he should really do
A girl that he loves
That is what I want him to find
Please just take a look into my eyes
Just travel to the depths of my heart
And know he is missing something
And that I am that part
When he figures out what he wants to do
I hope he finds that I am the girl that is true
*
My Very First Kiss
Finally it happened
My very first kiss
It lingered so passionately
On my innocent lips
He spoke to me words
That we soft and sweet
If I would have been standing
He would have swept me off my feet
He told me he was going to
And then pulled me in
His lips met mine
And here it begins

There is a commotion in my mouth
Yet I know what to do
It seems so awkward
It is all s new

He pulled my even closer
And kiss me more fierce
There are cheers all around me
This is a first

Then it slowed down
Tender but sweet
I felt a tingle from my head to my feet
It was over and done
He told me I had done fine
A girl’s very first kiss
Finally I can say it’s mine
*
All I ask
All I ask for is for you to love me
All I ask if for you to care
Now I am just wishing that you will choose
Your future with me to share

All I want for you to do
Is take my hand so kind and gentle
And all I hope is that you choose
That I am the girl who gets to be with you

Maybe you will discover that secret side of me
The one that is actually so kind and sweet
You are that special boy, I know
The one who will see that secret side of me grow

I have a dream of me and you
And now it is time to make it come true
So hold me tight if you would
And let things be the way they should

So take my hand and walk with me
Into out future of love and peace
So take your arms and hold me tight
Kiss my lips and know that it is right
*
True Beauty
When you look at me
Maybe you see beauty
Maybe you don’t
But whether you do or not
This is not the beauty I want you to see
Somewhere deep inside of me there is real beauty
There is my soul
My heart
My thoughts
There is someone you will never know
Someone I hardly even know myself sometimes
Yet I am with her everyday
Still she keeps a part of herself hidden from me
Like she wants me to discover it
Day by day
Every day this girl gets more beautiful
More wonderful
More unique
Everyday I wake up excited
Wondering what the day will bring for her
What it will bring for me
I want to share her with the world
And I want the world to share in return
Because deep down everyone is like this girl
I should know because I am this girl
So when you look at me
Or anyone else
Don’t think about what they look like
You must think of who they are
Because what you see is false beauty
This only goes skin deep
What you want to know is what is between their head and the feet
Then you will see the beauty that each person holds
If you are still unsure then just ask this girl
*
Too good to be true
In the dreary night
I hear you call to me
When my emotions get all tangled
I feel you set me free

When the tears begin to fall
I feel your hand upon my face
When my heart starts to race out of control
I feel you try to calm its pace

When I am alone
I feel your hand in mine
When everything is racing downhill
Somehow you make it fine

When I need a shoulder to lean on
I feel you hold me up
When I am in need of some love
I know you feel as if too much is never enough

When I scream inside
I know you hear the cries
And when I speak my words
I know you hear the ones I try to keep inside

Somehow I know that you are the one
Who will be there all the time
But what I cannot understand
Is why you decide to be mine

You are the only one I’ve found
That can truly feel what I feel
This how I know
That you truly cannot be real
*
Love struck
I’ve been kissed by a rose
Red and pure
I’ve been touched by an angel
I know it, I am sure
I have tasted true love
For I have felt your kiss
I know this is a chance
That I must not miss
I have truly felt love
For you have taken my hand
I know I have been blessed
For I have you as my man
I can see clearly now
For I have seen your soul
I have faith in our love
Because I believe what I have been told
I believe in true love
For I have meet you
I know that ever lasting love exists
For I know I will love you through and through
*
Follow your heart
I like you very much
Yet you make me so scared
I think you are very special
But tell you I wouldn’t dare
Do you feel the same?
When you look into my eyes
Because when your blue eyes meet mine
I feel as if I could just die
It’s uncontrollable
The way you make me feel
I wonder if you feel the same
It seems too good to be real
I didn’t know prince charming existed
I simply didn’t believe it was true
I never thought my dreams could be
But then I met you
How can I feel so much
But barely say a word
You make me so dumbfounded
But when I see you I hear birds
I hardly understand
What my heart is telling my head
But hey, you know what they say
Just follow your heart instead
*

There we go, 2002 starting off. We have first kisses, more love and heartbreak and of course no lessons learned.
As always, A Hopeless Romantic xox

2001 - Coming to an End

Here is the rest of 2001:

*
New Distraction
I was so wrapped up in that daydream
The one of him and me
It was all I thought about
He was all I would see

But with you in perspective
Now I feel so free
I never though about you that way before
But when I am in your arms my mind soars

You make my past obsession seem like such a bore
All of this came about so soon
Now my heart is dancing to a whole new tune

I want to be with you
Like no one else before
And like no one else
You leave me wanting more

I don’t want to wait any longer
It’s a good time now that I am feeling stronger
Just place your lips on mine
And kiss so sweet and so kind

Forget about everyone else
And stay under our own love spell
Let’s stay like this until the sun doesn’t shine
Until you are no longer mine
*
The Things you Do
I place my eyes upon your face
And feel myself falling from grace
I place my hand upon your cheek
And feel like you are a part of me

You wrap your arms around my waist
And take me to another place
Your deep gorgeous eyes stare into me
And fill my soul like a raging sea

You pull me close so your heart is beating with mine
I feel as if we are one and know that everything is fine
I taste your gentle kiss so sweet
And know that you do love me
*
It doesn’t look that good anyways
I am trying to make my feelings for you go away
It doesn’t help that you wore my favorite shirt today
I always look for you in the hall
It’s just out of habit I guess
But each day it stops less and less

I'm going to get over this whole thing
And I am going to do it without the crying
I am going to find someone new
And I am going to get over you

I don’t really like how you look anymore
And doodling your name is kind of a bore
Your name in fact is crossed out of all my books
And when you walk by I don’t even take a second look

You are no longer the apple of my eye
And I don’t care when I see you and her walk by
I mean who cares if you wore my favorite shirt today
It doesn’t look that good anyway
*
Save the best for last
I guess it is true that you don’t feel the same
You were just going along for the fun of the game
There is no point in getting excited when you talk to me
Those words have no meaning and there is nothing in me you see

Although I never really have told you how I felt
To tell you the truth you make my heart melt
For your sweet love I would pay any price
But I am sure you would say it is not for sale
And my heart would turn to ice

I didn’t want to see it before
But now it is time to face the truth
Although to you I am just another girl
All I want is to be with you

But I guess it is just to much too ask
So maybe I will just wait for you
And save the best for last
*
I like…
I like how you always hold my hand
Or how you smile at me
I like when I look up and I am looking in your eyes
I like the way that it makes me suddenly shy

I like how I am happy now that I am with you
I like how I know that you feel the same way I do
I know that I will always have fun when I am with you
No matter what it is we do

When I look back on the days I smile
And there is a warm feeling that stays
I love thinking about you
It makes everything else fun to do

I love how you are my friend
And yet so much more
Everything now is so great and nothing is ever a bore

If it stayed like this forever
Every day would be worthy enough to treasure
So far every day with you has certainly been worthy
I can say that without a doubt
So, is this what love is all about?
*
Over Dependent
I don’t know what I would do
If I couldn’t hold your hand
If I didn’t have you to stand beside
Then I wouldn’t stand

If I didn’t have your shoulder to lean on
I would fall down
If you ever let go
I would cry an ocean and drown

If I no longer had you to kiss away the pain
I would be hurting everyday
If I didn’t have your eyes to stare into mine
I would daze off into time or become blind

If I did not have you to dream of
I would be dreamless and without a love
If I didn’t love you to no measure
I would not have anything to treasure

If you didn’t give my heart wings
Then it wouldn’t have flown
And I would be alone
*
Dear Darkness
When I am alone at night
The darkness overcomes my fright
It covers up what I don’t want to see
It relaxes my soul and makes me free

In the darkness I can cry
And no one can see my tear filled eyes
The look on my face always gives away my deepest thoughts
But in the darkness my face shall not show
And I can think all I want

The dark would not dare tell the secrets of my soul
For in the dark I am strong and bold
& at the same time I am a weeping willow
The silence of the dark allows me to find my peace of mind
It has no opinion and I find it kind

When in the light my dark stays in
Because the harsh rays of the light can expose personal things
Thing I don’t yet want to the world to know
Things that only belong to the darkness and me

Someday when I am ready
I will let the light shine through
Until then darkness it is just me and you
*
Locked Doors
Behind that door
The one I locked
I want to open at every knock
But the last time I let someone in
I just had to lock that door again
For the one on the other side of that door
He broke my heart in two
He left me alone and didn’t care
That all he left me with was sorrow and despair
If I open this door to you
Do you promise not to leave me blue?
Do you promise to love me,
So tender and so sweet?
Do you promise you are the love,
The love I get to keep?
Or will I have to lock that door once more
And hide away and shame?
Nail up the boards and other things
To block out all the pain
Will I have to hide away
And keep my heart to myself?
Put your picture with the others
On my dark and dusty shelf
Or can I open that door wide
And let things shine through like love and pride
Take the locks and hinges off
And never see them again?
Tell me now
Have I found something that will never end?
I hope so
*

Next Stop, 2002
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2001 Continued - No matter how hard the Winter, Spring is sure to follow

The title used for today is from my Daily Horoscope I get sent to my e-mail which also includes a daily quote, which usually suck, but I liked this one. It could be a metaphor for: after the last rant of a post, a calm is sure to follow. After the last post I am just going to leave you with the poems, otherwise I am going to have to change this blog name to The Rants and Raves of an Emotional Retard. So here we go, 2001 continued.
*
If, But, Please and Because
I told you how I feel
You gave me no reaction
If I don’t know how I appeal to you
How am I supposed to take action?

Am I setting myself up for heartbreak?
Are my feelings just a fling?
Because all of them are at stake
But I guess that is just a risk I am willing to take

If it’s not me you want tell me now
Because I am sure I will get over you someway or somehow
But if what you want is really me
Then let’s go carve our names into a tree

You are the one I’ve dreamed of for so long
If I ever get you I will break into song
If you don’t want me, which is what I fear
I’ll do nothing but burst into tears

When I love there is so much more I see
You gave that sight to me
I shared my feeling with you and didn’t keep them inside
Now all I ask is please don’t leave me blind

I opened my heart and soul to you
Please don’t fill them with bad news
Fill them with joy and laughter
And join me in an ending of happily ever after
*
Get Back to me soon
This whole not knowing is tearing up my insides
I don’t whether to keep on hoping or just cry
I need to hear your voice again
To calm all the emotions going on in my head
The need to know
That is if you want me or if you don’t
I can take bad news if it is what you have to give
Hopefully you won’t
I’m sorry if I am being to pushy
But my insides are turning all mushy
This kind of thing doesn’t usually happen to me
So I hope there is something about me you see
If there is nothing you see don’t look any harder
Because you won’t find the color pink or flowers
I am not the kind of girl who is innocent and sweet
I prefer to stand on my own two feet
I am sure that you understand
I’ve done all that I can
So if you want isn’t me
Then I’ve decided to leave you be
Me saying goodbye is up to you
So just get back to me soon
*
My Love for You
Red, I love you with a passion
White, a passion so pure
Orange, a rare and exotic love
Yellow, an exciting and wild love
Grey, a sophisticated love
Black, a dark and mysterious love
Green, a fresh and new love
Blue, a sad love when you don’t love me
Purple, a relaxing love when I know you do
Pink, a soft and romantic love
All the colors if everything and everything that exists because I love everything and anything about you!
*
Say you’ll be mine
I get up for school
Because I know I will see you there
So I take my time doing my make up and my hair

I take my time between classes
Hoping I’ll see you in the hall
I admire that hat hair
And how you are so tall

Your name is doodled in my books
Making it hard to work
I just daydream about you
And try to hide my smirk

I am crazy about you
I am madly in love
I just want to be with you
My mind is made up

I know you are kind of older
And it might not work out
But the least we could do is try
And see what love is all about

If you catch me staring at you
It is because I am scared to approach you
So please just come and talk to me
We’d make the perfect two

So just look my way
Into my eyes
Take my hand
And say you’ll be mine
*
Autumn
Leaves fall on my head
And crunch beneath my feet
The smell and looks of autumn
It simply makes my heart skip a beat

The colors
Red, orange, amber, and chestnut
It takes my breath away
I love it when the winds blows and the trees sway

The leaves fall from their branches
Dancing through the air
Going so graceful and so slow
As if they have all the time in the world to spare

They twist and twirl in the gleam of the sunlight
Without a worry or a fright
Dancing to their music that has no sound
Floating through their number until they reach the ground

Waiting on the ground to be covered in snow
As if they knew
Turning into the soil
From which they grew

The colors dance across my eyes
So peaceful and so calm
I sit and watch them fly
Sit and watch them as they go by

I stay until the trees are bare
And the ground is covered
I will have to wait a while I’m told
For the number next October
*
Flower Pedals
He loves me
The loves me not
It’s a simple question
But it goes through my every thought

I am crazy
So all my friends say
Just because I like to count
Every month and every day

Your name looks good on my paper and in my books
And sounds wonderful when it leaves my lips
I hope you think my name looks as sweet
And sounds as wonderful when you think of me

I like to hear that I am pretty and fun
But I don’t like to hear that I am too young
What is so wrong with dancing to a song or two?
All I really wanted was to be with you

It really shouldn’t matter if your old or I’m young
I just hope soon you will see that I am the one
*

We still have one more post to finish off 2001. Until then,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2001 - We've only just begun

Wow... I just realized how many poems I wrote in this year. The periods where I wrote a lot, are the times I really liked somebody or somebody really hurt me. Which is why I don't write as much lately, I try not to let that many people in, knowing the inevitable end results. Due to my lack of choices here in Nipigon results in the following equation: Loneliness + lack of boys my age + bad taste = dating a big mess, which of course I was dying to fix which resulted in getting crapped on.
2001, the year I didn't start learning any lessons. Also the same time I really started to like/date people. I like to torture myself by liking someone so much who I hardly know, I have all these fantasies and ideas in my head about what it is going to be like, and actually believe it will. And when things don't pan out, I believe they will get better. I built these people up to be something they were/are not and am surprised when I am disappointed. I'm not sure if I will ever learn that life is not like a movie or a book, I don't think I could stand it if it was just plain ordinary.
Perhaps I can't blame people for the way things went, although 80% of the time, they really were assholes. However, how can these poor assholes live up to my expectations? And how can I believe at any point they are what I really wanted? Like my mom said, (they are always right you know) just because someone is interested doesn't mean you have to like them, I should set my standards higher (or in my case just change them). Sure you are cute and a decent kisser, but that doesn't mean I should love you till the end of time or at all. Anyways I am rambling, it's been a shitty week, and I should seriously consider changing the name of this, a romantic with no romance in her life. It's like a fat person giving diet advice (god, I do that too). I might be a poser :S lol. Anyways 2001, here are my heartfelt words. I'm not going to group these this time, just go in the order they were written.
*
I love you
I’d climb the mountains and swim the seas
For you to say those three words to me
For those three words to leave your lips
And then for me to give them a tender kiss
It would be such bliss

For your arms to hold me really tight
All through the long cold nights

For your eyes to read my soul
And your heart to understand what it told

I love your warm touch on my skin
Like: when your soft hand holds up my chin
And then your lips move like this
And give mine the sweetest kiss

I want to lay with you in the grass
And makes wishes with you as the shooting stars pass
You make the butterflies in my tummy fly
If you ever go I know they will die

I love you today
And I will tomorrow
Please don’t cause me any sorrow
For all you have to do is say
That you will love me forever and a day
*
Love at First Sight
I saw you sitting there
I know you saw me too
Right then and there
I knew I loved you

There is a sparkle in my eye
With you around it will never die
You know the way you make me feel
For you I am head over heals

When you say my name
My heart skips a beat
And when you touch me
My heart leaps

When you said “I love you” to me
Then I knew it was meant to be
*
Our Story
I’ll tell you a story
About you and me
It is a story that is meant to be

When your dark eyes met mine
We always seem to loose track of time
When you reach over and our hands meet
My heart quickly skips a few beats

When you hold my tight
My heart races wild
And when you say my name
I can’t help but smile

I can’t sleep when night comes
So I count the sheep
But really all I can think of
Is your kisses sweet

I think of you when the dawn breaks
And all through the day
And when they sun sets
It is always all the same

I love seeing the stars and moon
Knowing you see them too
I can’t wait until the next time
I am under them with you

I’ll love you until forever
And you know that it is true
I know that you feel the same
It’s the story of me and you
*
Always
If I wasn’t strong I would have cried
But now that you are gone I’ve got to try

Sure, it was hard to move on
You know, like one of those gay songs

But that is okay
Because I am in control
I’m not going to hate you
I won’t go that low

Sure you did break my heart
But it will heal with time
In not long I’m sure I will be fine

I will remember that good in you and not that bad
I will remember the happy times and forget the sad
Please don’t remember me just as some girl
Because when we together I was your world

There is one more thing I’d like to add before I do part
Just as friend or whatever you want
Always keep a place for my in your heart
*
Some Day
My Romeo is out there
Waiting just for me
Somewhere in this small world
Someday we will meet
His heart of gold
And his gentle touch
Will make me love him oh so much
His eyes will be my comfort
And his smile my joy
I will be his girl
And he will be my boy
We’ll be together forever and a day
On my mind forever he will stay
I know I will find this prince one day
And into the horizon he will take me away
*
Just have Faith
Of all the stars in that sky
There isn’t one I cannot reach
Of all the learners that I know
There isn’t one I cannot teach

If you want things done their best
Then take your time and invest

If things are going bad
Look on the bright side
If you’re ever losing in the long run
At least you have your pride

When things are coming down
Always look up
If your are feeling sad
Know that someone loves you very much

Be patient
Things take time
And whatever you are looking for in life
I hope that is what you find

Of all the learners that you know
There isn’t one you cannot teach
Of all the stars in that sky
There isn’t one you cannot reach

Just have Faith
*
MIJ
I love you today
But I might now tomorrow
You play trick and fool me
But yet you don’t even know

Sometimes you send a tingle up my spine
Some words you say make me want to cry

You’ll grow in my heart as each day will pass
And you make it beat ever so fast
The miles between us shouldn’t keep us apart
Because when we talk I feel so close
Yet you are so far

How do you do that thing that you do
And why to me?
Cause all you make me want to do is be K-I-S-S-I-N-G with you in a tree

All the time passes when I think of your gorgeous face
I feel like I am in a different time and place
Your deep sincere eyes make my knees weak
And your beauty goes more than skin deep

Anything you say I will always treasure
Being with you is nothing but a sweet surrender

I wish that you would make me yours
Because of all the other girls I love you more
I love you more than anything in this world
You make my mind, body and soul swirl

My love for you compares to no other
And deep down you know we belong together
I cannot wait until your love for me shows
I will be the happiest girl you will ever know

I love that you are kind, polite and striking
I mean it doesn’t get much better than that
I especially like the way that you wear your hat
Your sweetness makes me heart melt
If only you know how I felt
*
Not Ever Again
You are just a love from my past
Why do you want me back?
After what you did to me
I am finally back on track

How can I turn my hate into nice words?
You make my stomach turn
But yet there is that sweetness in your voice that made me love you before
But after what you did I cried my eyes sore

Why call me up now?
It’s not worth my time or yours
You said you had someone else
I do too
Don’t leave me torn

Just when I thought I had feelings for this other boy
You come back and decide to toy

Don’t put my through what you did before
It drove me insane
I don’t need the pain
Or you
Not anymore
*
Dream Boy
When the moon comes out
And when the stars shine
That is when I can make you mine

You whisper sweet nothings in my ear
If and when I am in your arms I got nothing to fear
And if I am ever sad I have got you to kiss away my tears

I like to kiss you wherever I am
Especially in the rain
Because your kiss drives me insane

When you smile it is just for me
And when you are around
You are all I see

You have me at our moon lit ball
And you catch me when I fall
I enjoy the time when you are around
I always feel as if my feet are no long on the ground

It’s all so real or
Or so it seems
That is until I wake up from my dreams
*

Wow, I am so full of shit! I was so pumped at the idea of this, now I am not sure it is so healthy, I can remember writing these and who I was writing about, what I felt and how I felt it. It is like reliving it all. Love, pain, disappointment, failure. Clearly I am feeling rather cynical at the moment, but I suppose it's allowed everyone in a while, I'm sure it will pass.
The Hopeless Romantic xox

The Early Days - Post Two

Here is a picture of my first journal which holds the poems you are reading. I'll include pictures of my other ones and we get there.
As I am going though these poems I try to remember how I felt as a person back then. How much of yourself can you really know? I guess it is always like that, since we are always changing, every little event alters how the rest of everything is going to go when you really think about it. It seems I was uber-confident back then, and at the same time trying so hard to be "deep". Which is funny when you think about it, a 6th grader thinking things are so profound. I can attribute that to Jo March of little woman, I wanted to be her. Too lazy to write a full blown novel I wrote poems instead, this was also around the same time I was introduced to the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books. I thought about calling this "Chicken Soup for the Hopeless Romantics Soul" but when I had the swine flu earlier this year I ate so much chicken soup, thinking about it makes me feel sick.
On confidence, I wish I was that confident now. Those were the days when people told me I looked like Halle Berry and should model. When you were exercising all the time without knowing it! I used dance for at least an hour everyday in front of my mirror, play hockey like I was going somewhere and walk everywhere cause you had to. The days were I drank apple juice instead of beer and whiskey and long before the days of munchies.
So here are the confident & deep poems of the year 2000.

M is Better
P is for the perfect girl
M is for me
Any day of the week
I’d me M instead of P

My hair may be messy
My clothes my own style
It’s because I’m not the perfect girl
Being me is more worth while

She may get the boys
But only for a while
Because soon they’ll realize
She’s empty behind that perfect smile

P is for the perfect girl
Y is for you
Why be like her
When you can be anything you want to
*
Imagine
I look upon the sky, its grey
But it doesn’t have to be that way
I look into my mind and what do I see?
For now the sky is as blue as the sea

I look upon a dying tree
But that is not what my mind sees
I look upon the tree once more
To find each leaf is greener by four

Our mind sees things that our eyes don’t
So we see things that they don’t
*
Free
Fly like an eagle
Soar like the wind
Fly into to outer space
Besides a rocket made of tin

Flying through the fluffy clouds
Rest upon a tree
For I am a butterfly
For I am a spirit free
*
Individual
I am an individual
I’m sure that you can see
I like to do things my way
It makes me what I be

I like the way things are
I like that way they be
I like to meet new people
As long as they don’t try to change me

I hope you get my point
I really hope you so
Because if you don’t get me
I really don’t need you
*
Friendship
Something that can last forever
When two people work together

Laughing, crying and being there when one is in need
It’s what we do in order to succeed

Stuff like that happens when you are best friends
It is the kind of relationship that never ends
*
Angel
Soft hazel hair and eyes
See her soar across the diamond skies
Watching me and many others
When we're safe and warm under our covers
Our walls can’t stop her from seeking
The people in need
The people weeping

She’s my angel
*
Which Day?
Today was once tomorrow
Tomorrow is now today
And tomorrow today will be yesterday
Oh yeah, yesterday was once today too
*
Touched by an Angel
She came upon my while I slept
And when she touched me a promise was kept
What is was she whispered in my ear
She also told me not to fear

She said until the day I die
My love and kindness I should hide
To show and give it to the world
And I would die a happy girl
*
Imagination
Sitting on the clouds
Far above the trees
Everything is in swirls
I’m on top of the world

Tomorrow I’ll be on the moon
The next day on mars
Either way I’m sure you’ll see
I’ll be gazing at the stars

It’s all in my heart
Only in my mind
But that’s okay
Because I find, it’s a good way to pass the time
*
Creation
I walk on God’s green earth
It’s the greatest gift of all
To see the birds, the bees, and seas
To see the trees big and tall

I love the smell of a new seasons mourn
With the sun shining bright
I think it’s magical when someone is born
And given a brand new life

I love how you’re the answer to all my troubles
No matter where I am
I love how you love me on the double
You’re my God the father and I love you man
*
Three’s Company
Me, Myself and I
I, Myself and Me
It’s who I am
Even if I tried it’s all that I could be

I won’t try to be you
So don’t try to be me
I’ll only be myself
I’m sure that you can see

I, Myself, and Me
Me, Myself and I
I can always be myself
I can laugh, smile or cry

I don’t care what other’s think
My limit is the sky
And to myself I don’t need to lie
Why?
Because it's just me, myself and I
*
Her Love
Someone died
People cried
She was loved
She is up above
She was fun
Her work is done
She did a good job
Now she is gone
I cried too
I was blue
My stomach turned
A lesson was learned
When you love a lot you get it back
Love will always keep you on track
When you’re gone your love will stay
I know her love is here today
*
Gone Away
The sky is blue
Where are you?
The sun is bright
I am not alright

The cool breeze wind
It calls your name
It is never going to be the same

The tears fall
I feel so small
The day is clear
But I cannot see

You are gone
But what about me?
The grass beneath me is emerald green
But it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to see

The birds are happy
Why am I sad?
The birds are chirping
It makes me mad

The air is hot
But inside I am cold
This is what the faint voice told:
“Her life was great
But now she is gone she would have wanted you to move on”

I didn’t want to have fun
When she couldn’t
No matter what the said
I didn’t care
I wouldn’t

I felt empty but my eyes were full
Now matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop the flow
“It’s okay” the said to me
IT’S NOT OKAY, what can’t they see?

That faint voice
It was back in my head
The words came back
Again and again

It wasn’t faint anymore
And those words made my heart sore

But no matter what the words are true
But I still want to be with you
But as that cold feeling slipped away
I knew that you were here to stay
*

I realized there was a bit on death here too, there was only two more poems for that year so I thought I would throw them in. I lost my great-grandmother that year, I think it was the first time I lost someone and was old enough to really understand. I remember reading a memorial in the paper for her years later and it said, In heavens garden a new flower has bloomed. Rip <3

The Hopeless Romantic, who isn't always so romantic. x0x

The Early Days - Post One

Ok, so we are going to have to split these up. My first journal dates 2000, before that the poems were just on scrap paper in a folder I bought from the scholastic book fair.
So 10 years ago.. when I was 12 was when I stated keeping track of my poems. What did I know about love then? Hell what do I know now? I can never seem to keep it together. (Thank God! I have the worst taste)
Besides what I saw in movies, love consisted of stolen glances (which I probably made up) and slow dances in the grade school gym. Not even first kisses, I was pretty square back then, my first kiss would not come for a couple of years. Back then I thought a first kiss would be earth-shattering, like off of "PS I Love You" when he says he sends out a signal for a kiss that it would be the end of life as you know it. (sorry I just watched that) I was always a bit dramatic. (ok VERY dramatic) Everyone I had a crush on back then was my "first love" If I acted now like I did then I would probably get charged for stalking, thank goodness hardly anyone had caller ID and you got in trouble from your parents for *69. Anyways, the first set of poems from these days will be love ones, next post just the general ones from then. So here you, back to 2000.
*
Just Thinking
Sitting and thinking what to do
Sitting and thinking all about you
The way you smile when I talk to you
And when You eat your food, the way you chew

The way your face looks when you smile
It gets me thinking for a while
About:
When we dance the way you hold me
Or when I am sad how you make me happy

I hope I'll like you until forever
You are not just one of a kind
You are a treasure
*
I Like You
You are cute, sweet and funny
Your are my friend
You are my honey

Sometimes you make me mad
But usually I am glad
Without you I’d be sad

The truth is I don’t love you
Maybe someday I will
I’m too young right now
But I like you still

I’m my worst enemy
And you are my best friends
You make my life better
I hope we never end
*
Just as long as we’re Together
The sun is shining
The sky is blue
But if it wasn’t it wouldn’t matter
Because I am in love with you

They sky could be grey
The sun could be dying
But that is okay
As long as you are mine

Be mine now
Be mine forever
The world could be gone
Just as long as we are together
*
Always on my Mind
He is in my dream every night
And in my dreams I hold him tight
I wake up with him on my mind
And when I think of him my thoughts are kind

I think of him in they day
And when I go to bed I only pray
That I will dream of him

Why?
Because he is always on my mind
*
When I
When I looked into your eyes
There was something there
It warmed my heart because I knew you cared

I turned away with a smile on my face
And when I saw your smile my heart began to race

When I looked into your heart then I knew
I wouldn’t stop thinking about you

When I thought of not having you
I truly shed a tear
And when I knew I could
My smile went from ear to ear

When I look into your eyes
There is something there
And it warms my heart to know you care
*
If I Could
If I could I’d give you the sun
But since I can’t let’s just have fun

If I could I’d give you the moon
But since I can’t let’s sit under it in June

If I could I would give you mars
But since I can’t let’s gaze at the stars

If I could I would change us into the doves
But since I can’t I’ll just give you my love
*

There you have it, my love poems through the eyes of 12 year old. From the first poem: I like the way you chew? Really Tatum? If anyone watched me while I was eating I might get freaked out, I was a little creeper.. lol :p
Until next time,

The Hopeless Romantic

Getting Started

Ok, so I suppose I have always wanted to do something like this, but never really got around to it. Posting facebook notes didn't seem the same, so here I am finally getting around to it. I need to thank my friend Katie Watson, she inspired me to do this. After reading her blog I thought, hmmm I could do this. I also just finish reading and watching Julie & Julia which also got me excited to start this project. It took me a while though. Since I am basing this (to start anyways) on my many poems, which I realized they were all on the USB drive that I lost. So I have been spending the last week typing 10 years worth of poems. While this is going on I am also trying to sign up for this blog so when I am done I can get going, which apparently you need a mobile phone for. This is not something I have. Anyways after days of trying here we are! Time to get started. The poems are retyped the blog is in place so here we go!

As long as I can remember I have loved love. I think as a child I watched too many Disney movies which gave me a unrealistic notion about what love was like. Then came the romance novels. Of course life isn't really like that, and somewhere in the back of my mind I think I ignore the truth. I always try to see the good in people (which sometimes I think I had made up, because the things I liked people for were not really there) which causes me to overlook the bad, which is the reason most of these things don't work out. But that's ok, I believe after all I have put up with my good Karma is going to kick soon. (See? Always the hopeless romantic) Besides if I didn't have all these experiences the poems would not exist. So thank-you to every bastard who has hurt me, for the sweethearts who showed me not everyone is a bastard and everyone in between. From loving to hating to brief flings you have inspired me in some way or another. I was planning on doing this in chronological order, but here is actually the most recent of poems I have written which shows exactly what I am taking about:
*
The Hopeless Romantic

I believe in that feelings from movie and books
That old time feeling you get from a single look

I love the idea of butterflies
And that magic kiss when sparks fly

Who says you cannot live happily ever after
People deserve it after broken hearted disasters

I know I am no princess, but a girl can dream
Of a boy who makes her not smile, but beam

Of a love that was written in the stars
One that will make you forget your battle scars

Someone to hold your hand day after day
And when you get wrinkled on front porches you will swing away

Call me what you will, a hopeless romantic at heart
But to have it all I will gladly play the part
*

Not my best I know, but just to give you an idea of where my inspiration for this is coming from. So next time we should be starting in the early years.

The Hopeless Romantic x0x