Ok, so I feel like writing now. I've been told I'm empathetic. Caring about other people's feelings. Even people who hurt me, or don't call me back. (lol) I still feel the need to stick up for them, defend them for handing my feelings back to me, here you go, I just don't want them. Sure I bitch about them after but I've always kept their feelings in mind. Same with my friends, it seems the people closest to me I have allowed to walk all over me at some point, and still my arms and heart are open. But I've noticed lately I've taken it a step too far. I let my surroundings effect how I feel and live. If I am reading a book, watching a movie, that is happy, sad, dramatic, or neurotic, then for some reason I feel that way to a certain extent. I let them depress me, raise me up, and bring me down. A little pathetic I know, I've always thought I was such a strong person. Maybe I just act like it. Goodness, even my dreams effect how I feel when I wake up.
I also act like being alone is what I want. After a while you can forget what a touch, a kiss, an embrace feels like. The excitement of something new, it's just a distant memory. Did I really feel that way? You forget, so it's ok that you don't have it. You just get by. But then someone comes along, and shows you again, you don't have to remember because you are feeling it. Of course I read everything wrong and get ahead of myself and when they are like oh sike, I was just kidding. Suddenly laying alone without anyone holding or kissing you, kind of sucks. You forget to pretend you are this strong, single woman in charge of her decisions. Sometimes I get so caught up in being blue I don't even actually care about the reason I was in the first place, I'm really quite melodramatic.
Oh well, we all know me, I will learn nothing and do it all again. And again. The only major regret I have is buying those lacy and sexy under garments that never got seen, (except by our dog who can casually walks into my room since I don't have a forth wall)when I really feel sexiest in my peace sign gitch and ripped XL Jimi Hendrix t-shirt.
So here is to trying again, and failing again. We might get some good poems out of this situation.
2002 - also a big year for poems, must of been melodramatic then as well. Here we go. Part One.
*
I’m talking about you
If someone is on your mind when the dawn breaks
If they are all you think about when you are awake
If you think of them all through the lonely night
Well then that is a for sure sign alright
If you want to kiss them just one more time
If they smile at you and just want to die
If it feels like magic when they take your hand
That is when you know that they are your man
If when they touch you
You get weak in the knees
That is when you know you are head over heals
If you would travel for them near or far
That is when you know it is written in the stars
When it seems like the heavens sent them from up above
That is when you know it is true love
When you read this poem if you ever do
Then you will know that I am talking about you
*
One Last Time
Last night I made a big mistake
And all it did was cause myself heartbreak
I really do need you back, but how?
It seems too late to talk to you now
I need you to hold me one more time
I will prove I am better off when you are mine
And please if you would just hold my hand
And for one more day be my man
Give me one of those kisses sweet and short
And when you are done give me some more
Joke around and laugh with me
Tickle my leg behind my knee
Play with my bracelet and my rings
Laugh at me when I sing
Just pull my close one last time
And for s split second pretend everything is fine
*
Mixed Signals
If my broken heart wasn’t enough
Just add rejection too
I didn’t think you would stop loving me
I didn’t stop loving you
When I wanted time apart
I thought you would wait for me
I didn’t think you would just move on
This is what I cannot see
Did you hold my hand because you cared for me
Or did you just do it to fool my heart
And then decide to leave me be
Did it mean nothing to you
When your lips brushed against mine?
Did you enjoy your days with me
Or did you think it was a waste of time?
Why did you pull me close
Knowing you would just let go
Why did you tell me you cared
Just please I would like to know
Did you just play with my hair
So I would think that you really cared?
Or did you like looking straight into my eyes
And telling my heart nothing but lies
Maybe it was just laughing with me
Knowing that I would someday cry
Or did you just say hello
So eventually you could say good-bye
Or did you really care for me
The way I cared for you
Because without you loving touch I don’t know what to do
*
Greg (a nick name for a crush who kinda looked like Greg Brady :s)
Whenever I like another boy
My heart comes back to you
I don’t know what to say or think
I don’t know what to do
I dream of the day that I will steal a kiss
This is something I don’t want to miss
To have tasted the taste of true love
From someone like you who is sent from above
I see a piece of heaven when I look at you
And feel like I am floating after a dance or two
I know that you do not realize
The way I really feel
And I do not think you would understand
My feelings seem too real
And I don’t want to take that chance
Of breaking my tender heart
I would rather keep it to myself
And have my hopes at large
Next time you see me take a look into my eyes
It leads to a tunnel straight into my heart
And it words will tell you no lies
When you hear those heartfelt words
Written by my soul
Take them into consideration
And believe what you have been told
I love you
*
Missing
I miss the way you make me sigh
I miss the way you would make me cry
I miss the way we would make up
I miss how everything was never enough
I miss those looks you gave to me
I miss how they made me feel so tingly
I miss the way you held me tight
I miss how I knew it was so right
I miss the way you made me mad
I miss the way you held my hand
I miss how together we made two
But most importantly
I don’t miss you
*
It’s me
I thought maybe someday you’d come to me
But I guess there is something that I failed to see
I turned away when I saw her with you
I didn’t think anything would come of you two
I was wrong
I cried the day I found out
I didn’t even try to smile
I would just pout
There is no way to describe the pain
But I guess someone has to loose in this game
It is not fair that I am left alone
That I have no heart to call my own
I can’t look at your picture
And keep my eyes dry
The day I found out
My love for you died
I figured it may be revived one day
When you realize the mistake you have made
Maybe one day you will open your heart and see
It is not her you want, it’s me
*
Betrayed but Okay
A love was what you claimed to be
A friend and family was what she was to me
He took my hand and held me tight
She was the one who tried to make it right
The day I sent my heart out
I was thinking of you
At the same time
You were deciding what to do
So what you want to be is just friends
Those words seemed so unreal
There is no way you could imagine
The way you made me feel
Now she is the one that you want to hold
The girl I once could trust
Now I am nothing to you
But I will not make a fuss
I already cried my tears for you
And now it is time to move on
And no matter what happens
I am going to be strong
Because you are not worth it
*
I’m the girl that’s true
The boy I want so badly
He is the one I cannot have
I cannot tussle his curly hair
Or show him how much I really care
It seems so wrong that it must be right
Although he is only mine at night
I suppose it is good enough for now
But I must get a hold of his heart somehow
I want him to see
To see the girl inside of me
I want him to realize
That it is the girl he needs
But I mustn’t let him know
That I still care deep down
I wish he could know without me saying a word
I wish he would realize somehow
If he could just put his arms around me
And find a love so true
I want him to know
That being with me is what he should really do
A girl that he loves
That is what I want him to find
Please just take a look into my eyes
Just travel to the depths of my heart
And know he is missing something
And that I am that part
When he figures out what he wants to do
I hope he finds that I am the girl that is true
*
My Very First Kiss
Finally it happened
My very first kiss
It lingered so passionately
On my innocent lips
He spoke to me words
That we soft and sweet
If I would have been standing
He would have swept me off my feet
He told me he was going to
And then pulled me in
His lips met mine
And here it begins
There is a commotion in my mouth
Yet I know what to do
It seems so awkward
It is all s new
He pulled my even closer
And kiss me more fierce
There are cheers all around me
This is a first
Then it slowed down
Tender but sweet
I felt a tingle from my head to my feet
It was over and done
He told me I had done fine
A girl’s very first kiss
Finally I can say it’s mine
*
All I ask
All I ask for is for you to love me
All I ask if for you to care
Now I am just wishing that you will choose
Your future with me to share
All I want for you to do
Is take my hand so kind and gentle
And all I hope is that you choose
That I am the girl who gets to be with you
Maybe you will discover that secret side of me
The one that is actually so kind and sweet
You are that special boy, I know
The one who will see that secret side of me grow
I have a dream of me and you
And now it is time to make it come true
So hold me tight if you would
And let things be the way they should
So take my hand and walk with me
Into out future of love and peace
So take your arms and hold me tight
Kiss my lips and know that it is right
*
True Beauty
When you look at me
Maybe you see beauty
Maybe you don’t
But whether you do or not
This is not the beauty I want you to see
Somewhere deep inside of me there is real beauty
There is my soul
My heart
My thoughts
There is someone you will never know
Someone I hardly even know myself sometimes
Yet I am with her everyday
Still she keeps a part of herself hidden from me
Like she wants me to discover it
Day by day
Every day this girl gets more beautiful
More wonderful
More unique
Everyday I wake up excited
Wondering what the day will bring for her
What it will bring for me
I want to share her with the world
And I want the world to share in return
Because deep down everyone is like this girl
I should know because I am this girl
So when you look at me
Or anyone else
Don’t think about what they look like
You must think of who they are
Because what you see is false beauty
This only goes skin deep
What you want to know is what is between their head and the feet
Then you will see the beauty that each person holds
If you are still unsure then just ask this girl
*
Too good to be true
In the dreary night
I hear you call to me
When my emotions get all tangled
I feel you set me free
When the tears begin to fall
I feel your hand upon my face
When my heart starts to race out of control
I feel you try to calm its pace
When I am alone
I feel your hand in mine
When everything is racing downhill
Somehow you make it fine
When I need a shoulder to lean on
I feel you hold me up
When I am in need of some love
I know you feel as if too much is never enough
When I scream inside
I know you hear the cries
And when I speak my words
I know you hear the ones I try to keep inside
Somehow I know that you are the one
Who will be there all the time
But what I cannot understand
Is why you decide to be mine
You are the only one I’ve found
That can truly feel what I feel
This how I know
That you truly cannot be real
*
Love struck
I’ve been kissed by a rose
Red and pure
I’ve been touched by an angel
I know it, I am sure
I have tasted true love
For I have felt your kiss
I know this is a chance
That I must not miss
I have truly felt love
For you have taken my hand
I know I have been blessed
For I have you as my man
I can see clearly now
For I have seen your soul
I have faith in our love
Because I believe what I have been told
I believe in true love
For I have meet you
I know that ever lasting love exists
For I know I will love you through and through
*
Follow your heart
I like you very much
Yet you make me so scared
I think you are very special
But tell you I wouldn’t dare
Do you feel the same?
When you look into my eyes
Because when your blue eyes meet mine
I feel as if I could just die
It’s uncontrollable
The way you make me feel
I wonder if you feel the same
It seems too good to be real
I didn’t know prince charming existed
I simply didn’t believe it was true
I never thought my dreams could be
But then I met you
How can I feel so much
But barely say a word
You make me so dumbfounded
But when I see you I hear birds
I hardly understand
What my heart is telling my head
But hey, you know what they say
Just follow your heart instead
*
There we go, 2002 starting off. We have first kisses, more love and heartbreak and of course no lessons learned.
As always, A Hopeless Romantic xox
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment