Here is a picture of my first journal which holds the poems you are reading. I'll include pictures of my other ones and we get there.
As I am going though these poems I try to remember how I felt as a person back then. How much of yourself can you really know? I guess it is always like that, since we are always changing, every little event alters how the rest of everything is going to go when you really think about it. It seems I was uber-confident back then, and at the same time trying so hard to be "deep". Which is funny when you think about it, a 6th grader thinking things are so profound. I can attribute that to Jo March of little woman, I wanted to be her. Too lazy to write a full blown novel I wrote poems instead, this was also around the same time I was introduced to the Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul books. I thought about calling this "Chicken Soup for the Hopeless Romantics Soul" but when I had the swine flu earlier this year I ate so much chicken soup, thinking about it makes me feel sick.
On confidence, I wish I was that confident now. Those were the days when people told me I looked like Halle Berry and should model. When you were exercising all the time without knowing it! I used dance for at least an hour everyday in front of my mirror, play hockey like I was going somewhere and walk everywhere cause you had to. The days were I drank apple juice instead of beer and whiskey and long before the days of munchies.
So here are the confident & deep poems of the year 2000.
M is Better
P is for the perfect girl
M is for me
Any day of the week
I’d me M instead of P
My hair may be messy
My clothes my own style
It’s because I’m not the perfect girl
Being me is more worth while
She may get the boys
But only for a while
Because soon they’ll realize
She’s empty behind that perfect smile
P is for the perfect girl
Y is for you
Why be like her
When you can be anything you want to
*
Imagine
I look upon the sky, its grey
But it doesn’t have to be that way
I look into my mind and what do I see?
For now the sky is as blue as the sea
I look upon a dying tree
But that is not what my mind sees
I look upon the tree once more
To find each leaf is greener by four
Our mind sees things that our eyes don’t
So we see things that they don’t
*
Free
Fly like an eagle
Soar like the wind
Fly into to outer space
Besides a rocket made of tin
Flying through the fluffy clouds
Rest upon a tree
For I am a butterfly
For I am a spirit free
*
Individual
I am an individual
I’m sure that you can see
I like to do things my way
It makes me what I be
I like the way things are
I like that way they be
I like to meet new people
As long as they don’t try to change me
I hope you get my point
I really hope you so
Because if you don’t get me
I really don’t need you
*
Friendship
Something that can last forever
When two people work together
Laughing, crying and being there when one is in need
It’s what we do in order to succeed
Stuff like that happens when you are best friends
It is the kind of relationship that never ends
*
Angel
Soft hazel hair and eyes
See her soar across the diamond skies
Watching me and many others
When we're safe and warm under our covers
Our walls can’t stop her from seeking
The people in need
The people weeping
She’s my angel
*
Which Day?
Today was once tomorrow
Tomorrow is now today
And tomorrow today will be yesterday
Oh yeah, yesterday was once today too
*
Touched by an Angel
She came upon my while I slept
And when she touched me a promise was kept
What is was she whispered in my ear
She also told me not to fear
She said until the day I die
My love and kindness I should hide
To show and give it to the world
And I would die a happy girl
*
Imagination
Sitting on the clouds
Far above the trees
Everything is in swirls
I’m on top of the world
Tomorrow I’ll be on the moon
The next day on mars
Either way I’m sure you’ll see
I’ll be gazing at the stars
It’s all in my heart
Only in my mind
But that’s okay
Because I find, it’s a good way to pass the time
*
Creation
I walk on God’s green earth
It’s the greatest gift of all
To see the birds, the bees, and seas
To see the trees big and tall
I love the smell of a new seasons mourn
With the sun shining bright
I think it’s magical when someone is born
And given a brand new life
I love how you’re the answer to all my troubles
No matter where I am
I love how you love me on the double
You’re my God the father and I love you man
*
Three’s Company
Me, Myself and I
I, Myself and Me
It’s who I am
Even if I tried it’s all that I could be
I won’t try to be you
So don’t try to be me
I’ll only be myself
I’m sure that you can see
I, Myself, and Me
Me, Myself and I
I can always be myself
I can laugh, smile or cry
I don’t care what other’s think
My limit is the sky
And to myself I don’t need to lie
Why?
Because it's just me, myself and I
*
Her Love
Someone died
People cried
She was loved
She is up above
She was fun
Her work is done
She did a good job
Now she is gone
I cried too
I was blue
My stomach turned
A lesson was learned
When you love a lot you get it back
Love will always keep you on track
When you’re gone your love will stay
I know her love is here today
*
Gone Away
The sky is blue
Where are you?
The sun is bright
I am not alright
The cool breeze wind
It calls your name
It is never going to be the same
The tears fall
I feel so small
The day is clear
But I cannot see
You are gone
But what about me?
The grass beneath me is emerald green
But it doesn’t matter, I don’t want to see
The birds are happy
Why am I sad?
The birds are chirping
It makes me mad
The air is hot
But inside I am cold
This is what the faint voice told:
“Her life was great
But now she is gone she would have wanted you to move on”
I didn’t want to have fun
When she couldn’t
No matter what the said
I didn’t care
I wouldn’t
I felt empty but my eyes were full
Now matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop the flow
“It’s okay” the said to me
IT’S NOT OKAY, what can’t they see?
That faint voice
It was back in my head
The words came back
Again and again
It wasn’t faint anymore
And those words made my heart sore
But no matter what the words are true
But I still want to be with you
But as that cold feeling slipped away
I knew that you were here to stay
*
I realized there was a bit on death here too, there was only two more poems for that year so I thought I would throw them in. I lost my great-grandmother that year, I think it was the first time I lost someone and was old enough to really understand. I remember reading a memorial in the paper for her years later and it said, In heavens garden a new flower has bloomed. Rip <3
The Hopeless Romantic, who isn't always so romantic. x0x
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