They always say nothing worth it is easy. After everything I've felt, when something good does happen it better be fucking amazing. LoL. But even if your life isn't right on track or how you hoped, you can certainly be happy for those around you. Like best friends, getting married, engaged, bringing new life into the world. Get lost in their worlds, until yours is a little better.
So here we are, some MORE 2002. Not the last post yet, I thought about making it, but then it would be pretty long. So this is around the point of my first serious relationship, ACTUALLY falling in love for the first time, and from what I remember being really happy. This guy was actually one of the good ones, great actually. I don't know what I was thinking letting him go. Perhaps it was just too serious for at the time. Funny eh? Worlds most romantic girl, leaving because it was too much. I'm hilarious. Ok so here we go. Fifteen year old me, maybe learning some lessons, but probably forgetting them.
*
Forrest Gump
Falling in love was so easy
Especially when it was someone like you
Your smile so genuine and big
Your eyes so honest and true
I gave it all that I had
I know now it was too much
You’re not the first to reject me
I should be used to getting my soul crushed
I thought I felt forever
When you pulled me in
But this happy life is over
Before it had a chance to begin
I slowly sink in my sea of tears
As each word ripped apart my dreams
I stand alone again
I thought I’d have you here
I though you would be here tomorrow
And continue for many years
Falling out of love us so much harder
Especially when it is with you
Though I realize you were different
Forever ended too soon
*
Mistakes
Things don’t work out for the best
When you are me
Just when things seem to be going right
I am brought back to reality
No on will hold me or tell me they care
When I need a shoulder to cry on no one is ever there
Everyone makes mistakes
That is all I seem to be
Crying never seemed so natural
It is something that I know a part of me
Stay away from my heart
I know it’s meant to be alone
Don’t look back upon my face
You will not see a smile anymore
At this point I am going to be alright
I am used to this by now
I know it was all a mistake
I suppose I just wish it wasn’t somehow
*
Falling under the Moon
Sitting under the stars
That illuminates your precious face
Listening to your voice
Dreaming about future days
Playing your guitar
I fall more in love with you
You may change your mind again
But I know that I am a fool
I fear the fact that my heart will break
You’ve done it once before
But your words heal the previous pain
And now I love you more
That tender touch you bear
And those sweet words you speak
It is what tingles my spine
It is what makes my heart beat
Sitting under the sky
This time I am not alone
No more crying in the moonlight
For you heart is now my home
*
Peaceful secret Realm
It is peaceful being all alone
Not alone in matters of the heart
But in matters of the soul and thoughts
Sitting peaceful, wondering
Thinking calmly, smiling
Dreaming of future love and joy
Forgetting of past aches and pains
Living in present ponders and problems
Crying in this place is perfectly okay
Because you are along so no one will know
No one is allowing in this secret realm
No one else can escape to your state
It is yours alone, peacefully
*
Good-Bye Summer Love
I am afraid this summer love will fade
Like dreams do at the morning light
Like wet sand when the waves crash
Like a blind beings sight
My heart aches as I stand here alone
I wonder if you are alone as well
I shudder to think you will find someone new
And when that happens there is nothing I can do
Like leaves drift from the trees in the fall
Blown by the cool autumn breeze
My dreams drift away with the days
And my heart is chilled by what I see
I see you
But you are so far away
I want to feel your warmth again
And not worry about my words to say
But without you by my side
All we have is words to speak
But feelings as words never come out right
Although I see rehearse them every night
I wish we could be together
Like two binary stars
Revolving around each other
Then you will never be that far
I send these dreams out to you
From the dark of nigh
I think kind thoughts of you
And let out a gentle sigh
I miss you
*
If you Could…
If you could look into my eyes and understand all my words
Then everything would be perfect
If you could have me forever and promise to never leave
Then I would never get hurt
If you were with me every second and you loved me dear
Then it would be just like my dream
If you were just to hold me close we would be alone in the universe
Or so it would seem
If you could sing to me sweet from the depth of your soul
The tune would end never
If I could just feel the beat of your heart and know that you love me
I would be happy forever
*
What is Black? (this one was written for an English assignment, not very romantic but oh well)
Black is the color that keeps secrets hidden
It is the color of hurt, the path to hell that evil has ridden
It is the shadows in the night revealing your innermost fright
It is the pain you feel when you have lost everything that is real
It is what stabs you in the back when people are cruel
It is at the end of an until death dual
It is the devil in disguise, the enemy of God
It is the temptation of the weak and the weak to the strong
It is the color of the bird that no one likes
It is the color of outcast and the base of all fights
It is the color of the jujube that no one will eat
It is hating annoying competitor that no one can beat
It is the color in you eyes after your heart has been broken
It is the rage in your soul that lets hatred soak in
It is what causes people to ignore you and makes you say words untrue
It is everything you lack
It is the color black
*
Remembering
Remembering
This is not a time of sorrow
Nor a time of tears
It is a time of smiles and reflection
It is a time to rejoice of memories throughout the years
Take your friends hand
And your enemies heart
This is a time of remembrance
There is no difference keeping us apart
Together in this time of peace
All will stand as one
Working as a force to stay strong
Forgetting past wrongs done
Time heals all wounds
And kindness helps along the way
Silence is the best comfort
For there are no right words to say
We will cry but wipe our tears
And day by day overcome our fears
January, May or November
We shall always remember
*
Falling for You
Leaves fall from the trees
As I fall for you
Changing colors everyday
Like my changing feelings for you
Everyday is different
But the familiar scent is in the air
There are different shades and feelings
And me wondering if you care
Dreaming the hours and minutes into the past
As my thoughts float and sway
Just like a leaf released from a tree
Dancing in the sun’s glorious rays
I cannot get enough of autumn
Nor enough of you
I shall continue to love the fall
As I continue to fall for you
*
Uncertainty
Thinking of what I mean to you
Is simply driving me nuts
I don’ know if I am dropping enough hints
Or I am not dropping enough
I am never sure if I should grab your hand
Or how big my smile should be
I wonder if you smiling at other girls
The same way you are smiling at me
When your arms reach for me
I wonder what to do
Do you have the same doubts
And feel the way I feel about you
Should I make eye contact
Because I always look away
I know that I always laugh and joke
It is because I can never find the right words to say
Should I be sweet
Because I am not sure I know how
When I have something to say
Should I wait or say it now?
Just tell me how you want it to be
If you want anything at all
Because once I know for sure
It will make it easier to fall
*
When
I wonder how much he thinks of her
Or if he does at all
Does she have more of a hold on him than I do?
Even though she is so far
Does he like me more?
Sometimes I wonder if he even does
I try to give him my attention
Does he think that’s enough?
Does he know how much I think of him?
Because I do all the time
When will the day come
When I can say he is mine?
When will he forget her?
I hope the day is soon
Then I can finally hold him
And our love can begin to bloom
*
Won’t Say I’m in Love
I can say I love your kisses
And everything you do
I can say I love your sweetness
I just can’t say I love you
I love your little smiles
And the sparkle in your eye
If you didn’t feel the same way
I am afraid that I would cry
I love the way you hold me close
And I can feel your warmth
There is a millions ways that I could tell you
But it is stuck inside my heart
I am afraid that if I let it out
My heart will break in two
So I will wait for that special moment
To say that I love you
*
Well there it is, my falling for the very first time. Not just thinking I am, or imagining what it would be like to be with that person, but actually being with him and starting to fall in love. I thought maybe all this was bad for me, emotionally. Reliving it all, but it really is nice remembering this part. Hopefully I won't take so many days to post again. I see I have one follower (probably Katie?) and I would hate to disappoint. So next time we will finish 2002, for real.
The Hopeless Romantic x0x
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