2001 - We've only just begun

Wow... I just realized how many poems I wrote in this year. The periods where I wrote a lot, are the times I really liked somebody or somebody really hurt me. Which is why I don't write as much lately, I try not to let that many people in, knowing the inevitable end results. Due to my lack of choices here in Nipigon results in the following equation: Loneliness + lack of boys my age + bad taste = dating a big mess, which of course I was dying to fix which resulted in getting crapped on.
2001, the year I didn't start learning any lessons. Also the same time I really started to like/date people. I like to torture myself by liking someone so much who I hardly know, I have all these fantasies and ideas in my head about what it is going to be like, and actually believe it will. And when things don't pan out, I believe they will get better. I built these people up to be something they were/are not and am surprised when I am disappointed. I'm not sure if I will ever learn that life is not like a movie or a book, I don't think I could stand it if it was just plain ordinary.
Perhaps I can't blame people for the way things went, although 80% of the time, they really were assholes. However, how can these poor assholes live up to my expectations? And how can I believe at any point they are what I really wanted? Like my mom said, (they are always right you know) just because someone is interested doesn't mean you have to like them, I should set my standards higher (or in my case just change them). Sure you are cute and a decent kisser, but that doesn't mean I should love you till the end of time or at all. Anyways I am rambling, it's been a shitty week, and I should seriously consider changing the name of this, a romantic with no romance in her life. It's like a fat person giving diet advice (god, I do that too). I might be a poser :S lol. Anyways 2001, here are my heartfelt words. I'm not going to group these this time, just go in the order they were written.
*
I love you
I’d climb the mountains and swim the seas
For you to say those three words to me
For those three words to leave your lips
And then for me to give them a tender kiss
It would be such bliss

For your arms to hold me really tight
All through the long cold nights

For your eyes to read my soul
And your heart to understand what it told

I love your warm touch on my skin
Like: when your soft hand holds up my chin
And then your lips move like this
And give mine the sweetest kiss

I want to lay with you in the grass
And makes wishes with you as the shooting stars pass
You make the butterflies in my tummy fly
If you ever go I know they will die

I love you today
And I will tomorrow
Please don’t cause me any sorrow
For all you have to do is say
That you will love me forever and a day
*
Love at First Sight
I saw you sitting there
I know you saw me too
Right then and there
I knew I loved you

There is a sparkle in my eye
With you around it will never die
You know the way you make me feel
For you I am head over heals

When you say my name
My heart skips a beat
And when you touch me
My heart leaps

When you said “I love you” to me
Then I knew it was meant to be
*
Our Story
I’ll tell you a story
About you and me
It is a story that is meant to be

When your dark eyes met mine
We always seem to loose track of time
When you reach over and our hands meet
My heart quickly skips a few beats

When you hold my tight
My heart races wild
And when you say my name
I can’t help but smile

I can’t sleep when night comes
So I count the sheep
But really all I can think of
Is your kisses sweet

I think of you when the dawn breaks
And all through the day
And when they sun sets
It is always all the same

I love seeing the stars and moon
Knowing you see them too
I can’t wait until the next time
I am under them with you

I’ll love you until forever
And you know that it is true
I know that you feel the same
It’s the story of me and you
*
Always
If I wasn’t strong I would have cried
But now that you are gone I’ve got to try

Sure, it was hard to move on
You know, like one of those gay songs

But that is okay
Because I am in control
I’m not going to hate you
I won’t go that low

Sure you did break my heart
But it will heal with time
In not long I’m sure I will be fine

I will remember that good in you and not that bad
I will remember the happy times and forget the sad
Please don’t remember me just as some girl
Because when we together I was your world

There is one more thing I’d like to add before I do part
Just as friend or whatever you want
Always keep a place for my in your heart
*
Some Day
My Romeo is out there
Waiting just for me
Somewhere in this small world
Someday we will meet
His heart of gold
And his gentle touch
Will make me love him oh so much
His eyes will be my comfort
And his smile my joy
I will be his girl
And he will be my boy
We’ll be together forever and a day
On my mind forever he will stay
I know I will find this prince one day
And into the horizon he will take me away
*
Just have Faith
Of all the stars in that sky
There isn’t one I cannot reach
Of all the learners that I know
There isn’t one I cannot teach

If you want things done their best
Then take your time and invest

If things are going bad
Look on the bright side
If you’re ever losing in the long run
At least you have your pride

When things are coming down
Always look up
If your are feeling sad
Know that someone loves you very much

Be patient
Things take time
And whatever you are looking for in life
I hope that is what you find

Of all the learners that you know
There isn’t one you cannot teach
Of all the stars in that sky
There isn’t one you cannot reach

Just have Faith
*
MIJ
I love you today
But I might now tomorrow
You play trick and fool me
But yet you don’t even know

Sometimes you send a tingle up my spine
Some words you say make me want to cry

You’ll grow in my heart as each day will pass
And you make it beat ever so fast
The miles between us shouldn’t keep us apart
Because when we talk I feel so close
Yet you are so far

How do you do that thing that you do
And why to me?
Cause all you make me want to do is be K-I-S-S-I-N-G with you in a tree

All the time passes when I think of your gorgeous face
I feel like I am in a different time and place
Your deep sincere eyes make my knees weak
And your beauty goes more than skin deep

Anything you say I will always treasure
Being with you is nothing but a sweet surrender

I wish that you would make me yours
Because of all the other girls I love you more
I love you more than anything in this world
You make my mind, body and soul swirl

My love for you compares to no other
And deep down you know we belong together
I cannot wait until your love for me shows
I will be the happiest girl you will ever know

I love that you are kind, polite and striking
I mean it doesn’t get much better than that
I especially like the way that you wear your hat
Your sweetness makes me heart melt
If only you know how I felt
*
Not Ever Again
You are just a love from my past
Why do you want me back?
After what you did to me
I am finally back on track

How can I turn my hate into nice words?
You make my stomach turn
But yet there is that sweetness in your voice that made me love you before
But after what you did I cried my eyes sore

Why call me up now?
It’s not worth my time or yours
You said you had someone else
I do too
Don’t leave me torn

Just when I thought I had feelings for this other boy
You come back and decide to toy

Don’t put my through what you did before
It drove me insane
I don’t need the pain
Or you
Not anymore
*
Dream Boy
When the moon comes out
And when the stars shine
That is when I can make you mine

You whisper sweet nothings in my ear
If and when I am in your arms I got nothing to fear
And if I am ever sad I have got you to kiss away my tears

I like to kiss you wherever I am
Especially in the rain
Because your kiss drives me insane

When you smile it is just for me
And when you are around
You are all I see

You have me at our moon lit ball
And you catch me when I fall
I enjoy the time when you are around
I always feel as if my feet are no long on the ground

It’s all so real or
Or so it seems
That is until I wake up from my dreams
*

Wow, I am so full of shit! I was so pumped at the idea of this, now I am not sure it is so healthy, I can remember writing these and who I was writing about, what I felt and how I felt it. It is like reliving it all. Love, pain, disappointment, failure. Clearly I am feeling rather cynical at the moment, but I suppose it's allowed everyone in a while, I'm sure it will pass.
The Hopeless Romantic xox