Love Happens

Everyone says it will happen when you are not looking. But what if it happens when you are? Does that make a difference? If it happens when you are not looking does that make it more real? Because you weren't expecting it which means you have no expectations and it just a pleasant surprise, or even fate.
Then there are people who believe you make your own fate. So if you are looking, and therefor you have expectations, does that make them harder to meet? Because you are hoping to find someone do you think perhaps then you are just going along with what happens because you wanted that something. Is it less special? Are you willing to comprimise what you really want because someone comes along who wants to be with you?
Apparently everyone has a type, but time and time again what I thought was my type wasn't working out. If I could have it my way I would create a guitar playing, poem reading, funny and kind sex god. But this is real life. I was reading in Cosmo that we all have our version of ourselves. Who we think we are and and what we stand for. But people who are around us all the time see us for who we really are. See the things we don't, so they have a good perception of what we could use, job wise and even romantically and so forth. So when people try to set you up it is because they see what you have in that other person, and you should give it a try because it could be a pleasant surprise. It's proven that the person we are going to marry is probably already in your social circle, a friend of a friend and so forth. You may not have met them yet, or even like them but the possibility is there.
So whether you are looking or not, make the best of each situation that arises, you could be pleasantly surprised. And if you aren't well at least you tried.
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

Life Makeover

"The old dreams were good dreams, they didn't work out, but I'm glad I had them" That is from one of my favorite books. I can't remember which one at the moment, I'm going to say Bridges of Madison County but don't hold me to it. Anyways, I don't think I can stand by that quote. It's like giving up. Maybe I have a little bit, this isn't where I pictured myself 5 years out of high school. However I also don't think High School should be held as such a defining this in one's life, it really is such a small part. I know that in me somewhere there is something left over from what was, I was so passionate about life, couldn't wait for it to start and for me to prove myself. I am also hoping there is something more now. Knowing what I've been doing I've realizing I can't do this forever.
I couldn't wait to be somebody, but as it started to happen it scared me. I don't know if I was more afraid of failing or of succeeding. But starting another chapter seemed to all of sudden scare the shit out of me, when for so long it was all I wanted. I was afriad of getting so close and losing it all, I don't know where this fear came from or why, but I was determined to make sure somehow I was in control of me making it or not. Doesn't really make sense right? All those passions and ambitions got put on hold and somehow the things that are second nature to me now are wiping tables, mixing drinks and customer service. I need a makeover, a life makeover.
I really just don't think at 17 I was ready for all those opportunities and life decisions, and now that I am 22 it's harder to get started again. But I feel if I don't do it soon I'll be 40 wiping tables still and mixing drinks, and I don't think I can have that. I think those really close to me can still see that passion I have, hopefully. Can read it in my words that I write that I am more then a bartender. But those who don't know that side of me, look at me casting judgment. It sure feels like that sometimes, like "oh, she was such a smart girl, look at her now." However I don't want to make something of myself for those people, I know I want to do it for me. I think loving your life and what you are doing in life will allow more love in your life in general. Not the romantic kind, just love period. If you are happy in what you are doing then you will be happy in other aspects, at least that is what I am hoping. Seems I'm hopeless in more ways than one. Well hopefully this ambition to move on from the stand still point in my life will stick, because I so badly need it to.
The Hopeless Romantic xox

Natural Highs

I always love getting this forward, I believe I have it printed and pasted (with real paste, not CTL V) in my journal. It always makes me smile! Check off how many you've had.

1. Falling in love
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts
3. A hot shower
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry)
12. A bubble bath
13. Giggling
14. A good conversation
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter
17. Laughing at yourself
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours
20. Running through sprinklers
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful
23. Laughing at an inside joke
24. Friends
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep
27. Your first kiss (ei ther the very first or with a new partner)
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones
29. Playing with a new puppy
30. Having someone play with your hair
31. Sweet dreams
32. Hot chocolate
33. Road trips with friends
34. Swinging on swings
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger
36. Making chocolate chip cookies
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies
38. Holding hands with someone you care about
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you
41. Watching the sunrise
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day
43. Knowing that somebody misses you
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think

The Hopeless Romantic xox

I'm not mad because I like him, I'm mad because he doesn't like me

Doesn't make much sense right? It doesn't have to. After everything people have to put up with when it comes to matters of the heart sometimes you have a right to be pissed off for no reason, and perhaps a little crazy. (Especially if you are a girl) Guys say they never understand us and I do not blame them, I hardly understand myself sometimes. Sure I might be borderline basket case, but if I wasn't I would not be as much fun ;)However, I do have a little panic attack when I see a lot of myself in the girl from "He's Just not that into You". The part in the movie is hilarious when in shows the girl talking about the days before caller ID and how she believes she has the right to call and guy 15 times in a row and then hang up. Whether or not all of us act on these feelings of minor and momentary insanity I think we all have the feelings and thoughts. At least that is what I tell myself to feel better after I woke up and realized I drunk facebook messaged AGAIN. I think it's a small prayer answered that I don't have a cell phone, those messages would be all over texts from last night.
Sometimes when things don't work out I get all worked up even though I didn't REALLY care for the person that much or at all. I'd like to think think maybe at one point or another we all have disliked some other girl just because she got the guy we wanted. She might be super nice and cool, but it might not matter for the time being. Until she ditches him we won't do anything more than small talk and fake smiles. As for him, he can just forget being on MY good side, the fact that they didn't like ME really irks me sometimes, makes me say silly things. Of course I didn't mean that I hope his dog dies and he is ever so lonely, I was just kidding! LoL :p Hopefully we all have these moments and I am not alone in this, sure I might need to tone it done a bit, just as long as I am not the only one. And ladies don't forget about me saying I use the poetic device of Hyperbole! Exaggeration for Effect! I'm not really this intense, not all of the time. Anyways, we all know I have given up being boy crazy for lent and I have done a pretty good job so far, trust me. Now that this is out of my system I can carry on toning it down, which is a must, and I am just going to roll with the punches & hopefully not throw any.
Until next time,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

This whole thing feels very Carrie Bradshaw-ish sometimes. Perhaps I am not as wise or have learned as much, however she is a fictional character who has professional writers actually providing all her wisdom for her. I've been watching a lot of sex and the city lately, even though I've already seen all the episodes. But I do love the parts where she is writing her column the best. In the early episodes it makes me want to take up smoking sometimes, she kinda makes it look sexy. I realize it is not and I am in no way promoting it. Anyways this is besides the point. Today I am throwing all the best Carrie Bradshaw quotes at you, since, fictional or not she is one of my inspirations. Nipigon is far from a city and Sex & Nipigon for some reason just sounds dirty so I'll just stick to the quotes.
Of course there is the famous "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love."
& here are some others.

“When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?”

“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

“After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breath and reboot.”

“To be in a couple, do you have to put your single self on a shelf?”

“Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate.”

“When men attempt bold gestures, generally it's considered romantic. When women do it, it's often considered desperate or psycho.”

“People go to casinos for the same reason they go on blind dates - hoping to hit the jackpot. But mostly, you just wind up broke or alone in a bar.”

“Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.”

"Relationships, there are those that open you up to something new & exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up a lot of questioning, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that you love, well, that's just fabulous." (LOVE this one)

“Maybe there are no right moments, right guys, right answers...maybe you just have to say whats in your heart!”

*and lastly here is my fave! I have been scouring my journal and the web for it, turns out it was in my quotes on facebook:
"Maybe some woman are not meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them."


There it is. Carrie Bradshaw wisdom in all it's sexy Cosmopolitan glory. Until next time,
The Hopeless Romantic xox

40 Days

If someone can make something out of nothing, I believe that it is me. Over-analyzing is like my fourth job. My opinion is winter is too long resulting in bordeom and daydreaming. Those are impairment factors, which can result in bad ideas. I have too many bad ideas, which I overanalyze into good ideas, trickery at it best, or maybe at it's worst. Most of my bigggest mistakes have happened in the winter, some of my favortie mistakes but biggest. One of the Valentine's Postsecret postcards from the video said "I've never felt more alive then when my heart is breaking". Another one from a while back mentioned an musician who sabotaged his relationships so he could write good music. Could people be addicted to the drama and feelings that surround the idea of relationships that they just need those feelings? Thrive off them? Interesting idea, could explain a lot. I think I just need a winter hobby. Daydreaming so much could drive a girl little crazy. Perhaps soon would it be a good idea to admit nothing is usually nothing and bad ideas and big mistakes are getting old. Or, maybe I am just too bay-crazy. Happy Ash Wednesday I am giving up being boy crazy for lent. Let's see how the next 40 days go. This feels a little like a Josh Harnet film, but oh well, time for an emotional intervention.
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

A friend is one who comes in when the world has gone out

Well, I've been pretty busy. I haven't been avoiding this because I am out of poems, I swear. I am just adjusting to three jobs. I also didn't do a Valentine's blog, kind of hypocritical for a hopeless romantic. I was going to do all my favorite love songs and movie and books, but we can get to that another time. As a hopeless romantic I say everyday is Valentine's day, just less commercialized. Although I am still single for every one of these days. I do love the time leading up, I love filling and sending out Valentines, chocolates, the love movies on TV leading up to it. I don't even mind being alone, I just love all Holidays.
I learned the last couple of days that you certainly don't need romance to have love in your life. I don't know if I could love anyone as much as I love my family and friends. They say a friend is someone who knows all about you, and likes you anyways, so here is to all the people who have put up with my neurotic ways, which apparently I have had my entire life, as my mother informed me today I was a strange child. I say unique, call it what you will.
I've been on emotional overload the last couple of days. From the birth of a beautiful baby girl to the loss that someone I love had to deal with. I wanted to soak up all the joy and love this little one seems to make everyone feel and the next day I wanted to take away all my friends pain, absorb it in a hug so they didn't have to hurt anymore. It's hard seeing someone cry when usually you are the one crying and she is listening. You just want to say the right thing and show the right actions so they know that you love them so much and would do anything for them. It's these events that made me realize how much I love and care about the people in my life. By loving me and letting me do the same in return you guys are shaping me, helping me be the person I am becoming. I am better because I have you all in my life.
I feel like I have been going through a phase. With all my friends getting married, engaged, having kids I felt a little left out. There are a lot of conversations that I don't really get to be a part of or comment on. I felt left behind causing me to grab onto to anything if only for a second to feel a little love. Or to catch a buzz because I can, I am free with no one to answer too. It has it's pros and cons, lately the cons have been sticking out like a sore thumb, but I think this phase is coming to an end, thank goodness. I realize I have all the love I need right now. And when things are going good for those you love you are happy for them, and when things are going bad you just be what they need to be. As life goes on in it's cycles of joy and pain, love and loss I suppose all you can do is embrace and ride out the storm. Nothing worth it is easy, I've said this before but life isn't about learning to weather the storms, it's about learning to dance in the rain. So let it rain, eventually the sun will come out.
To my family and friends, for loving me no matter how I act <3
The Hopeless Romantic xox

August 8, 2009

I think we are a little jealous of the people who meet in grade 8/9 and end up spending the rest of their lives together. It seems so old school, yet pretty romantic. They might not get to experience what other do in terms of dating and what not but they already have what we are all looking for. I'm envious that they never had to deal with the heartbreak, never tricked into thinking someone is the one. They already knew.
Of course everything isn't perfect, but still it must be nice. Imagine being with someone for ten years, knowing you have 50 or more. I of course can never make it past a few months. Sometimes people say about the one, Oh well maybe you already know him, to which I respond, I sure hope not. I'd like to think I don't know him yet, if I do than I am in trouble.
Anyways, one of those lucky bitches happens to be my sister. I'd like to say I am happy for her, not jealous, but maybe I am a little. But she has worked very hard for everything she has. When she asked me to be her maid of honor I couldn't really see myself rambling on at the wedding (which I kind of did anyways) So I wrote her and Robbie a Poem. So here is to them.
*
Cassandra & Robbie's Wedding Poem
Cassandra & Robbie’s Wedding Poem

A simple crush between a boy and girl
Can quickly up heave your simple world

A high school romance, tears and fights
But somehow you know it’s right

College life you survived just fine
With the one you sweetly call mine

On a summer’s eve upon a mountain top
That special question he has popped

You’re in it for the long haul now
And you know it is what you always wanted somehow

Side by side through all life’s adventures
Children, grandchildren, depends and dentures

On a summer’s eve once again
Proclaiming your love with family and friends

On your journey through life we wish you the best
And may your love never lose its zest

A simple crush between a boy and girl
Who knew they would end up being your world
*
One day definitely want what they have... one day. It takes something special and hard work to have a love like that, that's why I really respect them and what they have.
Well that is all my poems to date, I'm kind of sad, but don't worry I have more things up my sleeves. Until then,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2009 - Someone told me there's a girl out there, with love in her eyes & flowers in her hair

Hyperbole: Exaggeration for effect.
I am pretty sure I do that sometimes. Just to make things a little more interesting. Note though, this is completely different from lying. It is only putting emphasis on the truth. Like saying he was the most gorgeous guy ever, he might have been to you, but to others not so much. Same with when something is going on in my life, romantic wise. I over analyze, and make a bit of a deal out of not really anything, for the most part because I am bored. As mentioned in my first post I have watched and read too many things of the romantic genre. I am like a walking, talking chick flick. Except for the good things happening part. But yes, I just wanted you to keep that in mind when you are reading. This all did happen, I'm just spicing it up a bit with fancy words for your sake <3 Maybe I should have mentioned this before my 20th post, but oh well, right?
2009 was an interesting year. I'd like to think I've really grown as a person. But I say that every year. The year started off, well horrible. After 4 years of avoiding anything serious I let myself get swept away at the end of 2008. Thinking back I can't think of anything special that allowed that to happen, I'll blame boredom. After trying to keep things slow because of previous heartbreak and letting people get the best of me, somehow I watched the whole thing happen to me again. Do you ever hear of really bad relationship stories and you are like "Wow, that sucks, I feel so bad for that person."? I am that person. I think at the time I was so shocked I sort of just let it happen. After months of trying to figure out how to forget it all (thanks Kayla for putting up with me), and even though I think about it here and there something good happened next.
I really do believe those quick little flings are the best. If nothing goes wrong all you have is that first little stages where everything is amazing. The butterflies and sparks and nervous first little everything's. I would like to think of him as the one who got away. (Don't forget, exaggeration for effect) He was a guitar strumming, poem writing, rock my world kind of experience. Pretty much everything I want in someone else. Laughing with him was better than anything I did with the last one. It was like he was meant to come along when he did to remind me, that yes things can be good. They way he made me feel and the things he did reminded me to write again, as you will see.
At the end of the year came along something like at the beginning of the year. Let's just say he was easier to forget, not even worth writing about. If you don't strike up enough emotion for me to feel like writing, then I must say, you really haven't made an impression. If you have though I may just be loading up my iPod with love songs. So here is to 2009, the last bit of my poems, for now. I might just have to start something up with someone to get writing again!
*
Foolish Girl
Foolish girl blinded by love
Believed every word that rolled off his tongue

Saw what she wanted and not what he was
Flailing and falling fast with no just cause

She gave it away to the wrong one again
And she may do it again when her broken heart mends

She will always give it she has and hope they give it back
Tries not to regret what past loves have lacked

Finding lessons in each heart break as she goes on her way
The one who deserves her will realize her worth one day

She will smile and not frown for the one who let her down
She will save her lessons learned for when the right one comes around

But no one will love her more than she herself
She adores that she is the foolish girl blinded by love

(The last line is so true, because then I wouldn't have a blog! And ok, so I didn't learn any lessons, but it would have messed up the rhyming scheme otherwise)
*
Sweet Embrace
I could lay here not moving
In the cradle of your arms
And instead of planning a quick escape
I feel a warming calm

I have not quite enjoyed an embrace before
And oh, your tickles down my spine
I wish to mold our bodies closer
As our limbs and fingers are intertwined

Lips brushing against bare skin
And hot breath so feverish
No need to say what it is I desire
You can hear it as my gasp escapes in a soft hiss

I love to breath in your scent
And when it lingers on my skin
I am burning this memory into my mind
So when you are not around this moment I will relive

As I allow myself to enjoy all this
I feel myself begin to fall
Not grabbing for an edge or something to stop me
For such an embrace I will risk it all
*
My Muse
I think that perhaps I have found my muse
To put all my ideas back to good use
Ones I believed were long forgotten
But I feel the shell around them soften

I feel the damn as it beings to break
And inspiration begins to trickle through
I had thought these feelings had laid to rest
But they are awakened by my muse

This muse who strums and sings
Reminds me of who I longed to be
That light that I let dim deep inside
Should shine so bright it cannot hide

He reads me words that flow so well
As I remember how I once loved
It had my hand reaching for a pen
And remember how a stream of words were once my friend

I was not only reminded of beautiful words
But of feelings, smiles and laughs
Of warm bodies and amazing kisses
And how long days can pass so fast

A muse that sends a stir down in my soul
Awakening my senses and reminding me to grow
To live every moment and put my ideas to use
And perhaps one day I may be own muse
*
Gypsy Woman
Gypsy woman always moving on
If you stop to love her she will be gone
Moving on from place to place
She will carry only memories of your sweet face

She is just the wind blowing through
Caressing your skin like the sun kissing you
Changing like the phases of the moon
Full one night and gone too soon

You can hear the jingle of her beads
In the blowing wind as she takes her leave
Taking her heart with her before it breaks
And with it all her sweet memories she will take

In the moment she will love you with all she has got
Never admitting her heart has been caught
Right here is where she would love to stay
But being a gypsy woman she will be on her way

Don’t forget her palm on your face
Or how you made her heart quicken it’s pace
She will remember this adventure as she journeys on
Remembering your smile when she hears a sweet song

Think of her touch if you feel the dancing wind
Passing by quickly as it gently sings
No matter how far she keeps fond thoughts near
A gypsy woman remembering you so dear
*
Unforgettable
There is no sun and yet not quite dark
Undecided like my heart
The sky alight with a topaz glow
Hazy like my mind that I do not seem to know

I feel this hold upon my heart
I see your face and the beating starts
I want to forget his warm embrace
But like a drug my dreams are laced

I tell my head to forget as my heart refuses
A battle that my head always looses
Because I can’t forget his face at dawn
And I cannot ignore the way I long

I long for his lips grazing my shoulder
I crave his eyes and looks that smoulder
Yet I long to forget his near perfect ways
To ignore the smile I had hoped to fill my days

As twilight slips to the dark of nigh
No longer undecided and no need to lie
For even in the dark there is the light of the moon
And I can see I won’t be forgetting him anytime soon
*

After proof-reading I am smiling pretty big. I never really thought you could think of someone kindly after caring so much. No one had ever given me a reason to. So thanks to the one who got away. Like I said those ones are the best, I mean maybe if things could have been longer they would not have been such sweet memories. And we would have a couple hate poems on our hands, lol.
I saved one poem for tomorrow, it's a special poem for two special people who I think deserve their own post. So keep reading!
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2008

My friend and I were discussing the other night how you know something is going well when you are trying to pick someone up. I couldn't really give any pointers. When I play hockey and get a break away, I skate really fast with my head down and shoot with all might might praying that I score. Well that's pretty much the same way I go for a guy. If you've ever seen me play hockey you know I miss the net a lot so you know, my input wasn't very good. And apparently I just like to have a few drinks and hold hands anyways, because I'm cool like that. It's like grade 6 style.
So my friend tells me "You know if you start talking about the weather, that's it, you're not getting any" I burst out laughing and wrote the line down. I'll have to remember that.
So I realized that there are only TWO poems in 2008, and that's it! We only have one more year to go after that one. Here's to one of the times things went well after skating with my head down. Same sweet one as yesterday.
PS.. I would compare my love life to a hockey game, here's to 2008.
*
MJH II
The leaves are changing colors
The air is turning cold
Everything around me is changing fast
Everything but me, who has no one to hold

I whisper my prayer to the lady in the moon
I whisper a prayer for you
When the sky is clear and her light shines all around
Maybe then you will let my love surround

When it rains I let it wash over me
Hoping to flood the memory of you away
But as I lay awake in my single bed
I know your face is in my head to stay

I wrap my arms around my lonely soul
And wish not to feel so blue
I will the thought of me to cross your mind
Hoping once again love is what you will find

The leaves around me are falling fast
The frost sparkles in the morning sun
I pray for a change of heart
Let you fall like the leaves or let me be done
*
Ode to my One True Love
Sweet silly girl
I should not get my hopes up
On something that feels so far away
Oh, but only if it were not
If only his fingers traced around my face
Brushing my curls away as I drifted off to sleep
I breath in his scent as I dream of him
If only his naked body was spooned with mine throughout the night
When he’d whisper random things about himself in my ear it makes me feel as if I have known him forever
Rather than one short month
If only we were still under the meteor shower on that cool summer night
When he drunkenly told me he loved me
I loved him before that
I still do
I long to once again make love on the kitchen floor with raw sensuality
If only I had followed my heart
Instead of protecting it
Then maybe those beautiful memories would not be all I have
Being a sweet silly girl
I look forward to making new memories
And falling in love all over again
With my one true love
*
Hmm, not my best but then we would only have one poems for 2008. I might have to fall in love or something soon so I can get some new material. LoL. No, I've got a couple things planned for after the poems are done. Until then,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2007 - Baby you're the right kind of wrong

I think everyone has that little thing about bad boys that we secretly think is kinda hot. You know it's going to be bad for you, like pizza dipped in ranch, but sometimes it's just soo good. It's always fun to have a crush, I think even more so when you know you shouldn't. Nice boys are of course always nice, but something with an edge is so much more exciting. I always think, oh well he's not my type anyways, but really all the guys who are "my type" never really work. So why not go for the bad boys, you know you might get hurt, but that is what makes it fun. I think being wrong sometimes just feels right, it's unexpected and therefor thrilling. I know I've gone on about after being hurt you don't want to take that risk again, but sometimes you just need a distraction.
So in 2007 I think I faced a little bit of the bad boy syndrome, but by this point I was semi-adult, and some of the poems from here on out aren't just about love, they may be a little racy, viewer discresion is advised. :P
After that phase there was someone else. One summer I had this amazing fling. Like Nicolas Sparks perfect summer romance sort of thing. And somehow years later we ended up getting a hold of each other. I don't know if it was ever love, at the time I thought so. But it was one of those things were no one hurt the other person, and although there was the distance we never stopped caring. It's like we were apart without ever really ending. When we started talking again I was smitten. Of course the whole e-mail after e-mail might have just been fun for me because You've got Mail just happens to be one of my favorite movies, but whatever it was he was amazing. He's one of the good ones that help you remember that there is decent guys out there. So here is to 2007, the good boys, bad boys and everyone in between.
*
It’s no Secret
It is not secret that I want you
The secret is how much
How much I want your body
And how much I need your touch

Can you feel the heat
From the fire within
My desire runs wild
And it makes me want to sin

It is not secret that I crave you
I crave for our bodies to be deeply intertwined
Wild curls everywhere
And your hand in mine

I want to make your blood run hot
And for your heart to race against mine
And to the highest peak
Together we will climb

It is not secret that I want you
And this is not something mild
Take my hand and follow me
Let me drive you wild

Let me send you into a frenzy
Let me make your head twirl
Let me shake your soul
I can rock your world

Let me share my secret with you
Free my wild desire
Give me your body and your touch
Until we both tire
*
Own Best Friend
You never think it will be this hard
You did not think you cared
You never really expected this pain
You never were aware

But this pain is just a reminder
That you will not feel this again
Love yourself and your pain
Be your own best friend

Leave the memories of him behind
He is not the you need this time
Time will tell what is in store for you
Until then just be true
*
Dearest Secret Lover
My dearest secret lover
I love you like no other
I suppose I always have
I just never realized I loved you mad
My heart always ends up in your hands
While you land in my dreams
I desperately need to see you again
I will exercise all means
*
I Fly
I used to feel so heavy
Tired and dragged down deep
But now I feel so weightless
So weightless and so free

Diving into waters
Foreign and unknown
I let to current take me
My soul goes with the flow

This life I’m living feels so profound
There are new beginnings all around
Wildflowers blossom so freely and sweet
The intoxicating smell washes over me

Drunk with new beginnings
I blush as I kiss the sky
My wings outstretched to embrace this wild ride
For this time I do not fall, I fly
*
MJH
You are a million miles away
And a couple years ago
But I can still feel the summer heat on my skin
The summer from when I realized I loved you

Sometimes I cannot remember the sound of your voice
Yet I cannot forget the words you said
And sometimes your voice comes through so strong
And I realize I miss you

I love the nights I dream of you in my arms
I hate the mornings when I wake up and I am alone
I love how the thought of you makes me smile
I hate at the same time it can make me cry

I wish I was an angel or a bird
I would fly to you
Sure distance can make the heart grow fonder
But time does not heal all wounds

Watching you leave was the biggest upset of my girlhood
But I assumed I would move on
But now I am a woman
And I have never cared so much for a man

You may be a million miles away
But I promise
You will always be close to my heart
*
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2006 - Come on sweet catastrophe

We are entering my third and last journal that holds my poems. It is not yet full, and there are not really too many in there. A total of three for 2006. I think this is the point when I stopped brooding over everything. I started spending more time with other people. All through school it was mostly school, sports and home. I spent a lot of time reading and with myself. As I started to branch out I stopped finding reasons to write so much. I kept "love" at arms length for most part. So without that falling, new excitement spark and heartbreak I didn't really feel the need to express my emotions through poems. Keep this one short today, here is 2006.
*
The Land I Love This poem was written for a contest (and won!) that was themed Nipigon. (Of All Places)

The Land I love is full of friends
Walking down the street results in hello’s of no end
A close-knit web holds this land tight
Calling this land home just feels so right
Pride fills my heart as I love this land
For everywhere I turn is a helping hand

The land I love is where I’ve grown
I laid my roots where seeds were sown
I sprouted with love and care from the ground
With the help of all the support I’ve found
I grew tall and I grew strong
Like those before me, the wind tells me the song
About our land of waters, trees, and hills
Sweet summer nights and cold winter chills
Our rivers filled with fish jumping and shores explored
Our land holds past stories and the future holds more
History’s tales run through our land’s soul
For our past has made our future whole

My foundation is in this land I love
And among all others I hold it above
From days anew and days of old
I could have chosen no other place to have grown
For as I blossom and bloom into who I am
I know I owe it to this land
The land I love
*
He
He is the one
But he does not know it yet
He is the one
That my heart cannot seem to forget

He floods my mind
Like a raging storm
And his mystery appeals to me
Like that of something foreign

If I close my eyes
I can almost feel is touch
I imagine it so gentle
Yet to feel it would almost be too much

I feel he is the one
And my heart feels it is so
But to utter it across my lips
Is something his ears shall never know

So as that storm rages on
He shall remain in the eye
For I can never give more
Than my gentle sigh
He
*
In Bloom
Her petals once so wilted
As the winter frost set in
She felt so droopy and dreary
As the days went on her colors stayed within

The winter days would sparkle bright
But this flower was trapped in a dark night
So lost in a storm swirling fast
Consumed by memories of her haunting past

Then she stretched her steam to days ahead
And rather than droop she thrived instead
And in the sun the snow melted fast
As all those memories faded to the past

With new love for what she had become
She did not stand wilted
But bloomed in the sun
*
Until next time,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2005 - Even when I've had too much, I still feel your touch, Baby this just means that I'm not drunk enough

The title of this post is from: Not Drunk Enough - Adele (download it)
So back to the idea of can you possibly drink someone away. As I said yesterday I don't think so. I've tested my theories are here are the results.
Sure it's nice to go out with the girls and have some fun after someone breaks up with you, but the pain isn't any less in the morning, sometimes more severe with a hangover. Also, alcohol is a depressant, already down + a depressant = not a good idea.
I do realize it's very tempting, especially if you are a country music fan. I mean they are all about drinking whiskey and crying tears in your beer. But if you wear mascara you just will end up looking like a hot mess, and at the end of a straight tequila night you really are still alone. Those songs do make it sounds like a good idea, trust me, I've fallen in love with Jack Daniels many times. I did the whole country music & drinking one summer, it might work for awhile but in the end, whether you drink or not, it's just going to take time.
I never found the answer at the bottom and a bottle of red, and all this really ends up in is (a) a drunk dial/text/facebook message or (b) creeping ex boyfriends profile, which lets face it, is never healthy. Squinting and typing angry messages is hard work at 3am, and when you wake up it's almost as bad as those times when you roll over and see someone else. Or (c) you could have a run in and get physical. (So not worth it.) I had this friend once... just kidding!
So my conclusion is no, you can't drink someone away, there is no easy way out. Just takes time. Since the amount of poems each year is getting shorter I am going to put the lyrics to Not Drunk Enough as well. Just remember, it's never worth the ruining your mascara or drunk dialing.
*
Not Drunk Enough - Adele Erichsen
Never been a girl who used to cry
Didn`t show emotions, don`t know why
Didn`t wanna feel the pain inside, I guess

But as the years keep going by,
you came along and changed my mind
I should leave the past behind me,
I should let you find me,
supposed to stay beside me
You were supposed to guide me,
through the ups and downs,
you were always gonna be around until the end

I still think we could
`cause you and me, we`re good
And I`ll tell you why this hurts, 'cause I`m sober


But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has put me through
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough

So I`m gonna get myself another drink
whenever I start to think about you
`cause I do what I really don`t want to
but sometimes memories just come through

And when I get there,
to a place where I see you in a kitchen
I stop wishing but that thing and I don`t need you,
I don`t really wanna see you
and I don`t want you to see me,
you would think that I was crazy,
you might think that I wanna be close to you
but I`d rather wanna drink some Whiskey
and maybe have a little sip `o wine
`cause right now it`s the only thing that makes me forget you are mine
but right now I am sober

But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has put me through
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough

I still think we could
(I`m not drunk enough)
`cause you and me, we`re good
`cause I`m sober

But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has put me through
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough

(I still think we could)
But I just wanna be drunk
so I can forget about you
and all the stupid things that love has put me through
(`cause you and me we`re good)
Even when I've had too much,
I still feel your touch
Maybe this just means that I`m not drunk enough
*
And here is 2005:
*
This heart
This hearts been through a lot with you
But all along it always knew
It was safe in your care
And that it would always be loved there

And it’s love for you became so fond
That with your heart it made a bond
To love you true and love you strong
And it learned loving you is never wrong

And that heart told this girl
It loves you more than the whole wide world
It told her it would fight for you
And that this heart will always be true

This heart wants you to know
It will continue to cherish and grow
Your love feels so great and true
Because this heart wants nothing but you

So I give this heart to you
Keep it close in all you do
All it needs is your love and care
And this heart will promise to always be there
As well as the girl it belongs to
Because don’t forget… I love you
*
By Loving You
I know that don’t love myself
It is a constant self fought war
But when I look inside myself
There is that hint of who I was before

And if I dig a little bit deeper
Into my heart and soul
It is there I find true happiness
For you came and filled that hole

You took me underneath your wing
When I become weak and small
I lost myself is all this madness
But yet you loved me through it all

You guided me alongside yourself
Until I was ready to fly
And for this I give you so much thanks
For I am not sure I could have made it by

But now I am on my way
To a brand new height so great
And deep inside I have almost found myself
And to get there I cannot wait

I know I owe this all to you
Despite all that I put you through
I couldn’t have accomplished all this alone
But only by loving you
*
Only Me
I finally stopped looking for who I used to be
And accepted that there was a new me
I never realized all the great things I had
Until I got foolish and let it get bad

I never intended for this whirlwind of change
But it is time to see nothing was meant to stay the same
I don’t want to forget all the beauty we had
Or the tough stuff that drove us mad

I am ready to reveal all the discoveries I’ve made
As I let my old self begin to drift away
Maybe we were too absorbed to let our old memories fade

The sun will set as it may
And the sun will rise again
Giving us a brand new day
Let’s take the day and make it ours
Leaving all the pain, regret and tears behind

I am ready to face who I need to be
And know that I only need me
*
Just a Fool
It will creep up like a morning frost
That glazed over appearance
It changed your perception
Makes you think perhaps all has to change
So you quickly, irrationally accept that change
But as the sun peeks over the horizon
The frost just as quickly disappears
You realize
Nothing has changed
It is all the same as before
You are just a fool who believed
Just a fool
*
I would just like to point out that most of the poems from that year are horseshit. Don't ever let someone treat you bad and then feel like somehow it's your fault. Just because someone was worth at one time doesn't mean it will always be the case, you'll wast so much energy trying to make things the way they were. Make yourself happy, then worry about others.
As Always,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2004 - It's not me, it's you

2004 was a short year for poems. This is around the time my writing slowed down. Didn't really pick up again until 2009, which is kind of sad. But those were the years where I learned to not give my heart away like it was going out of style. That is also until 2009. It's like all those years of behaving and then something snapped. I was asking for it really. I also think I was a little a cynical about what relationships could be like as well, I have to say nothing has really happened that should change my mind, yet my mind is changed. I haven't decided if that is a good thing or a bad thing yet. I guess time will tell.
I was going to do a post about weather or not you could drink someone away. At the moment I think my answer is no, but I am way to hungover to discuss it. So let's just get on the 2004.
*
Upon my Breast
His head was nested, snuggling
In the warmth of my chest
And as his tears began to flow
I felt them run down my breast

As they rolled across they wiped me clean
Leaving nothing behind
And at that moment I felt so pure
As if his tears had cleansed my mind

Although he was in pain
I tried to hold him near
I wanted his body so wrapped up in my own
So that I would drive away his fears

For I wanted him to see the beauty
Created right there where we rest
I wanted to show him how he made me pure
But was unsure how to confess

I so badly wanted to reach out
And gently heal his wounds as he wept
So he could discover the bond he created
With his tears upon my breast
*
Dazed and Confused
Dazed and confused
So unsure of that to do
Feeling so alone and scared
Wondering if anyone even cares

Standing so tall and proud
I used to be so confident and sure
But now all that confidence is gone
Leaving me unsure

I am not who you wish I was
Nor who I want to be
But I am so dazed and confused
How can I make you see?

I cannot get past this empty feeling
This dark hole deep within
I feel it is consuming my entire being
Yet I can’t make you see

See that I am afraid
Not of anything, but nothing
But this nothing is strong
And baby I don’t know what I am doing wrong

So I lay alone
And drown in my tears
Feeling dazed and confused
Being taken over by all my fears

I am trying to be who I need to be
For both you and I
Please don’t angry or upset
Just hold me when I cry

Because the day will come
When I am no longer dazed and confused
And when that day comes
Baby it’s just me and you
*
Hopeful Thinking
The days have become blurred together
Like one big giant mess
And I am searching for a clearing
But I haven’t found one yet

I can remember the days
Of no worries and no fears
The days when I could smile
But they slipped away with tears

I never doubted what we had
For it was as perfect as a summer dream
But now I feel so afraid
Of the nightmare that has come between

I cannot find the passion
That used to light my soul
I am beginning to feel isolated
And that my heart’s belonging is beyond my control

I feel so small and defeated
To small to even hold
I cannot find the comfort is used to have
For now I feel so alone

But soon the days will separate
And one by one become clear
Then I can feel the passion and love
And the comfort when you hold me near
*
Still the one
In times of trouble and of sorrow
We have no predictions of the morrow
It is blocked by doubt and many fears
And we cannot escape the falling tears

But underneath everything
Behind betrayal and deceit
We have this “oh so perfect” love
That we vowed before cannot be beat

We have to be patient and have to learn
That we have only been knocked behind
But we can still come out strong
And leave this loss behind

Let’s get back to what we had
And keep our dreams in sight
Remember all the love we have
And that our future is so bright

Although we know things may be different
For this monster has changed us both
But in our hearts we will still have each other
And that is what matters most

Despite the pain we have both endured
I am glad I believed in you
Because when this is all over
You will still be the one I belong to
*
Back to yesterday
All these feelings that I have
Scream from inside
All these tears and all my fears
Have got nowhere to hide

I have become so afraid
Of this monster coming out
I cannot keep these things to myself
For I need to cry and shout

The tears drown out my innocence
That this monster took from me
And these crazy shouts black my sanity
From what I know I should be

I know I love him deep inside
But it is buried in this mess
Of loneliness and betrayal
That I have created for myself

I am trying desperately to get out
Of this self created rut
But I feel as if I am sinking in quicksand
And I cannot get through this muck

I cannot get back to who I am
Or remember what that is like
For this monster is consuming my soul
And I see no reason to fight

For it is far easier to just let go
And try my best to forget
Of how my yesterday’s were wonderful
And not filled with regret

Hurtful words and angry tears
Come from every which way
This monster is attacking me
And I become it more everyday

I am so afraid of tomorrow
For I no longer have control
Of my life, love or lust
Nor the passion in my soul

I hate this ugly monster
And I pray is goes away
I want to feel the love again
And go back to yesterday
*

Woah... I forgot about these ones. I think this post should also be dedicated to you.. bastard. Lol. Now that is something that cannot be drunken away, or that any of the solutions from yesterday could cure. It's one of those instances where "time heals all wounds". When that big empty hole in your chest slowly fills back up month after month. But never completely. Because you can never fully give yourself to someone again, because somewhere deep down you remember what it is like when your eyes swell shut from crying and your mom picks you up off the bathroom floor. And you swear you will never let anyone do that to you again. And they can't if you only give them bits and pieces instead of the whole shebang. It's true, the first cut is the deepeset, just because you are not smart enough to hold back when it's your first love.
You never listen to people when they say you are too young to be in love. But what they are really saying is you are too young to go through that pain when it is all over. The love you can handle, it's new and exhilarating, like a roller coaster where you just close your eyes, go in blind and wait for the drop. But when you fall and no one catches you, it's true. You are too young. Too young to pick up the pieces and figure out where they are all suppose to go. It's not really fair to whoever follows that heartbreak, but I suppose when you do find someone right again, maybe it will be different. At least I am hoping. Because let's face it,
I'm a Hopeless Romantic x0x

Rest of 2003

So I was reading this study. If you have ever had a one stand then you can relate. If you haven't, then you should. (kidding) When and man and woman have intercourse and the woman climaxes her body releases a chemical with tricks your mind into feeling the sensation and liking someone. Hence why women always want to cuddle. In the case of a one night stand it leaves the female feeling like she likes that person, wants to be with them. My advice, (1) Don't cuddle. (2) Don't let them spend the night. (3) Just wait it out and week and those feelings should be gone. Guys on the other hand can walk away, no harm, no foul. I am aware that this is not always the case though.
Here is my second thought. Is the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else? It sort of relates back to the first thought. Then it would leave feeling like you want this new person. Sure, it works in the case leaving the memory of the first person in the dust, but by the time are you ready to forget this new person then you might have to repeat the cycle, which could result in being a slut. Which also might relay back to some self-esteem issues. (Let's not get into that one)
Well anyways, none is this is either romantic or relevant to 2003 when I was 15 and still a virgin, but it was just something I was thinking about. Kind of get it out there since this conversation wouldn't be so relevant with my friends and their committed relationships. So here is the rest of 2003, unlike 2002 we can tackle it in two posts.
Most of these poems are written with as much love as I have probably ever felt for a person. So here is to you, bastard.
*
Falling Carelessly
I feel I may be falling for you
In every way I can
I fall for you when you kiss my lips
And when you hold my hand

All the little things you do
You take my breath away
It’s times like this I fell for you
At every little thing you say

I’ve never felt so intrigued
By anyone before
You always leave me wondering
Always wanting more

I know that I will land gently
When all this falling is done
I’ll be glad I’ve landed in your arms
Because I feel that you are the one
*
Blissful Escape
I hear your voice
An angel whispering in my ear

I feel your touch
Like silk rubbing against me

You lips brush against my neck
Sends cool winter chills

Your moist kiss lingers on my skin
The dewy morning grass

I feel your breath dance across my shoulder
A warm summer breeze

Your fingers trace around my face pushing hair away
And it tickles like the evening rain

I feel your hand intertwined with my own
Sweet and soothing like rose petals

Your eyes stare and get lost in mine
Blissful escape
*
Till the day we are apart
Amazing feelings of butterflies
Amazing thoughts that fly me high
Wonderful daydreams in my head
I need a reality check again and again

Total bliss in your arms
Or anytime I am with you
Now that you are finally mine
I know that I will never feel blue

Walking on air and dancing on clouds
Is how I feel now all the time
I know that these new sensations I have
Are only because you are mine

This new crisp feeling of happiness
Is something I hold close to my heart
I know this feeling will stay with me
Until the day we are apart
*
Smiling in the Moonlight
This poem is actually the third in the series. The other two can be found in my earlier posts. Maybe when I am done posting all my poems I will post them together. They were written over 2-3 years, but about the same person and the different stages our feelings developed over. Told you I never learn.

The stars shine bright in the sky
They shine as if they knew
About these feelings that I have
Each star could represent all my different feelings for you

The cool autumn air
Chills my nose and cheeks tonight
But all these feelings keep me warm
Making everything so right

I walk under the stars
As I dream about loving you
Leaves crunch beneath my feet
Like the crackling excitement of something new

A smile dances across my face
As the stars dance across my eyes
Twinkling with anticipation and joy
Because I have the perfect guy

I feel myself falling for you
Like the leaves fall from the trees
All wonderful feelings to me

I look up at the moon tonight
As it’s shining down on me
I smile in the moonlight
Because you finally belong to me
*
Through and Through
I gasp to try and catch my breath
And calm my heart’s wild beat
I try to tame these butterflies
And this dancing feeling from my head to my feet

I try to hold this secret in
But you make it hard to do
Because you capture my heart and steal my breath
Making all my thoughts come back to you

I want to hold you close to me
When you can’t be by my side
I want to stand on the tallest mountain
And tell the whole world you are mine

Nothing else matters now
Now that I have you
Because you mean the world to me and I’ll love you through and through
*
Jeffers
This is for my Great-Grandfather, Rest is Peace

I cried a tear for you today
Because it finally hit me that you have gone away
It rolled down my face and off my chin
On this cold winter day

I remember all the times we shared
Those days you made me laugh
I can’t think of anything I wouldn’t give
To have those precious days back

But I know you are somewhere better
Somewhere safe and warm
A place where you can finally relax
And be free from this world of harm

On this cold winter day
I wipe my tears away
I remember all the times we shared
And I know we’ll have them again one day
*
Escape
The Sun and moon could do no justice
Nor the heavens high above
The ocean depths is no companion
To this precious love

I could travel the world many times
Or fly to outer space
But there is nothing out there that I couldn’t find
From just glancing upon your face

Give me the finest things a girl could want
Let me do all there is to do
But without you none of these things would be worth it
Because I am nothing without you

Cupid, Venus, nor Casanova
Could put my heart into words
This feeling I have within my heart
Is to remain unheard

No words could define my true soul
Since you have become a part of me
Because you created all these new feelings
That cannot be heard, only seen

So I will show how I feel
Because this all just feels so right
Take me now and let’s escape into the perfect night
*

Oh, was love ever that sweet? Maybe before one night stands and the challenge of getting over people.
I always thought once I got over that person, that it was never really love. That I just thought it was because I was in love with love, not with him. I was sure it was never love, because someone I loved would never hurt me that much. But I guess people you love can actually hurt you the most, with all you have invested in them and all they know about you, they know exactly what to do to make you feel like you just died a little inside. When people you love do things that hurt, it hurts more than if some random person did it. It takes your breath away and someone has to remind you to breath.
But reading these poems again I realize I did love him. Which I think made it so much easier to hate him after all that went down. They always say there is a fine line between love and hate. I think because they are both the strongest emotions you can feel.
LoL, I just realized how different the thoughts are before I post them poems and the remarks after. That is because I write my intro, paste the poems, then proof read which changes my emotions completely from when I started the post. Oh well. Until next time,
The Hopeless Romantic x0x

2003 - Dance with me

Ok, so I said I would try and write more often. But it was a rough weekend :p So 2003, The year of first love, loosing it, and finding it again with someone else. I think those were the first two and last two major relationships. After that I wanted to make sure it was worth it, and trust me I've wasted a lot of time and energy making sure. Sometimes you come really close to thinking something might be worth your while. But then you really look and see maybe it's not. Maybe you ignore that gut feeling at first, because you want so badly for it to work. But in the end I figure, I have waited this long why settle now? Sometimes it hurts, or sometimes I just act like it does because I'm dramatic. So instead of settling, hot random sex is fine once in a while, just don't cuddle after. LoL, sorry I didn't get enough sleep last night. So let's just get started here.
*
Promises
Days go by but you are still here
Every day that passes I overcome another fear
You wipe my mind clear and make room for you
I am no longer afraid to speak I am not afraid to be held close

For I cannot get enough of your arms and I just don’t want to let go
Every second is beautiful like every inch of you
Every word is memorable and I want to remember everything we do

You are the most wonderful person, my favorite in the world
If you ever stopped loving me I know time would stand still
But if it was up to me I would turn us into forever
Because no matter what becomes of you I will stop loving you never
*
Completely Smitten
I have it all
Because I have your love
I sent my messages to the sky
And they sent you from above

I have tasted the sweetest of sweets
For I have tasted your kiss
Every chance to kiss you
Is a chance I must not miss

I have seen the beauties of heaven
From simply looking into your eyes
A simple glance my way
Makes me feel as if I could fly

I have felt the power of love
It sits in the palm of your hand
I will feel this power forever
Because I will hold on as long as I can

Every kiss, look and touch is more than enough
Because every kiss and touch is bursting with your love
*
Special Place in my Heart
I see myself everyday when I look into your eyes
And when I see this part of me I do not feel the need to hide

I choose this side of me you see when I allowed you into my heart
I gave up a special space I had and let you fill that part

I knew I made the right choice from the second I let you in
And now that I am a part of you I am staying there until the end

I choose you because I saw myself when I looked into your eyes
I saw friendship, laughter, companionship and a love that will never die
*
Perfect Fit
You have changed my life in so many ways
You have sometimes left me speechless so I have no words to say

You have stolen my heart and captured my soul
You have given me times of passion and given me a brand new world

Your eyes speak to me like words of no kind
Without movement of your lips I know that you are mine

I have opened my life to you and you became a part of me
We are like two pieces of a puzzle that happen to be a perfect fit
*
Flower in the Sun
My love is like a flower growing in the sun
As each petal blossoms it tells me you are the one

Water travels through the steam like blood flows through my heart
I need you as much as blood or water for I hate it when we are apart

The flower withers in the clouds like my spirit when you are gone
I will brighten up soon enough for I know you will not be long

I know I will see you soon and the sun will shine again
Until then I will dream about us because I cannot get you out of me head
*
The Sun is Shining Always
My love for you is like the sun
It warms and comforts and soothes
There may be cool long nights, but remember
The sun lights the moon

Sometimes clouds can block my rays
It seems like they have disappeared
But trust me always
It is still there

And sometime weather can seem unpredictable
Storms can set in and do damage
But in the end the sun come out
It will always be there & we'll manage
*
Pages
My feelings are in pages
If you could watch these words in a movie this is what you would see

Tears
Laughter
Joy
Disappointment
Love, mostly lost and unrequited
More tears
True love

These pages are filled with dreams
Dreams of true love
I wished for it as long as I can remember

I found it
Now the pages stop
I suppose before him the pages were my true love
It is where I first created him

He is my pages
When I want to look back on everything since the pages stopped
I just look at him
Now I don’t need the pages to tell me what I want
Or what I have dreamed
Because I have it all

The pages haven’t really stopped
They are just beginning
*
Never Knowing
I have these feeling for you but cannot express them out loud
There is a constant fear of rejection and I refuse to be anything but proud
I see you standing by her and cannot stand the sight
I feel too tired and lonely to even put up a fight

Things are not what I expected for the two of us to be
I imagined laughter, smiling and closeness but it is like you are not even here
I suppose it is suppose to be like this and I suppose I will let it go
Or I suppose I will try and tell you
No, I suppose I will never know
*
Sad Loving
I feel my efforts are in vain
When it comes to loving you
Simply just talking to you
Has become difficult to do

Impossible is how I feel
When it comes to loving you
Stolen glances towards you
Is all I have the courage to do

Regret is how I feel
When it comes to loving you
I regret that I can not stop thinking about you
Because it is all I seem to do

I suppose it’s time to move on
I’ll leave my dreams behind
I’ll save them for another day
For a different place and time
*
Days filled with the Sun
Life was feeling so alone
Downhill is where I was going
Tear-stained face and perma-frown
Everything was looking down

But now you are here
Hopefully to stay
My lonely nights have gone away

I was broken-hearted and torn
I felt to scarred and scorn
But now you hold me close to you
And slowly you are healing all my wounds

Back together piece by piece
As my life becomes more complete
I now have what I always needed
All my efforts have succeeded

Lonely nights are now behind me
With love filled day to come
No more teary nights alone
Just days filled with the sun
*

Wow, I don't even remember what it was like to love so innocently, without question or doubt or suspicions. I wonder if I ever will be able to again. Sometimes I think Of course I will, I just have to meet the right person. Then I think of what I want and wonder if it is really possible. When I look around me at all the happy people I wonder if that is what they wanted in the beginning, or if you just meet someone and what you want changes. If you make sacrifices for something or someone because that's just what you do. I guess I'll just have to wait and see, as it happens though I am just so damn impatient. Oh well, until next (which is hopefully soon)
The Hopeless Romantic x0x