Sometimes life takes you places you don't want to go... Example I had to drive all over your neighbourhood for work today, and as expected it felt like a good gut punch. The problem with someone who made you happy is what your left with when they go... The opposite of happy. You really filled me with so much joy at one point I got comfortable and decided to stay, even when the joy started to fade. I thought this was it and we were in it for the long haul, I never imagined us ending, but it did and now I miss it so much. But even though I'm missing you so bad I feel it in my bones, I still can't see us back together. I think deep down I know this is right, which may be the only reason I haven't begged you to stay.. But I'm still tempted. I want an early Friday night and a lazy Saturday morning. I miss when you would give me the chance to do something I had never done before, and love me like I hadn't been loved before. I was finally ready for my first love and first real dates, and so many more firsts. I hope you know how appreciated so many of those moments were for me and how sad I am to not have those anymore.
But I also hope you know being good to me doesn't mean I owe you, you are above me, or I have to agree with all you say and do. I tried to be someone you could see yourself with but that may never be enough, and I wouldn't be able to be true to myself. Yet still a part of me wants to have no shame and find a way back into your arms, and that bitch keeps fighting my dignity and self control.
So I write, I cry, and tell myself all the reasons we can't be together. Then do it all again in a few days when I feel worn out and beaten down. But it's hard, and I miss you. I'm scared to go on alone and start over, but apparently if it scares you its one of those things in life you should do, a leap of faith or whatever. Wish me luck.
No comments:
Post a Comment