What do I do with this sweet love of mine?

I stepped out of my comfort zone. I broke those walls down. I let you in. Now with the rug swept out from under my feet I wonder... Do I leave these walls down? What do I do with all this love I have for you? There is no hate, minimal anger, yet all this love. I stepped out of comfort zone and created and new one around you, and suddenly I feel a little lost and off balance.

Yet at the same time I have not felt this much emotion in a while. I know I have been numb and slightly distant, but this sudden loss feels like it has ripped me open and things I have shoved deep down and forgotten about are coming pouring out. Who I was, and who I want to be. My longing for happiness and brute strength I have always had, and of course my longing for love.

I know I cannot take all this love and just give it to someone new, because it was our love and it was special, but I cannot hold onto it forever. I suppose like most things if not fed and nurtured it will wither up and slowly the pain will fade away. Yet at the same time I am not sure it it will take that long to heal, and perhaps that says something on its own. Something I was not ready to admit because I had stars in eyes and butterflies in my stomach. Of course I wanted this love to be so much more, and the fact that I am not getting that is what hurts me the most I think, the fact that it is not me you want for the future, the future I had dreamed up.

I am mourning a future that I know deep down I didn't really want. I know I need someone who will allow me to be as free as I need to be and be okay with it, I need someone who will take all my love and know how special it is, appreciate how much it takes for me to give it away and will cherish that.

It hurts now, and my comfort zone lines are all crossed... but I will be okay and find my way like always. I will be happy, be loved and always be me.